Saturday, January 31, 2004

The weekend has come... time flies fast when you're having fun. Well dont know bout you guys but this week was a blast with MG and all =) MG will officially end this tuesday when the murderer will be revealed. Cant believe it'll be over. After so many months of hard work oh and not to forget fun =D Come to think of it i'll really really miss MG... my life this past month seems to revolve around it... wonder what i'm gonna do when this is over... sigh... well we can always look forward to TP's open house and the mid-sem tests haha...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/31/2004 02:24:00 AM
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Thursday, January 29, 2004

hmm.. still awake! wah! i didnt sleep on a school nite! gawd i'm gonna be so sleepy during lessons... and there's macroecons today. arghh I'm gonna be so dead...
hmm... at least i wasnt the only one who didnt sleep... had company.... wheee....

||:PreCiouS:||
1/29/2004 05:31:00 AM
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geee my system is seriously high on caffine cause i'm still wide awake!
Okay update! i'm done with my messing up so i'm starting fresh! So ppl help me here pls. Next time u see me deep in thoughts distract me ok hehe...
Had a talk with Ms Lim today. she gave good sound advice which i would definetly take into account. Oh and she gave me this one advice tat really hmm how do i say this, well didnt expect from her... she suggests that i get a boyfriend... yeap... kinda hard to believe actually... i guess i understand the reasoning behind it but then who on earth wld want me as their gf? oh and dont u guys start abt the "but ur tis ur tat"... tired of hearing it already cause i dont really believe it... not that i'm saying that i doubt you guys say but... argh nvm...
yes well anyways it was the 3rd day of MG... delays here and there but nothing we couldnt handle. Kudos to heads who had to make fast quick decisions.
Crazy weather we've been having. Its raining like every single day. The night air sometimes smell like London cause its always raining there too... speaking of London i wanna go there again... i know the weather sucks most of the cause its always raining but i wanna see the sights, the old buildings, i could go on and on but i wont hehe.. next to london, ireland is top on my list of places i wanna go... i especially wanna see the castles and coasts... well anyway i'm digressing.. and its 4.06am already and i'm still not asleep...wah...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/29/2004 04:15:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Everything was fine and dandy today until this evening. I dont exactly know what happened but something must have triggered my thoughts and i became messed up again. I sincerely apologize to all who were affected by it. Especially to the people i was with and i communicated with at that point of time i'm really sorrie if my actions or words may have caused some discomfort or made me look depressed. I guess i deserve it cause i wasnt thinking straight.
No i'm not stressed. I dont know what comes over me nowadays. I guess its the early year period. I'm starting to think its a pattern... sigh... I'm sorry if i may dissapoint or change your views about me the whole of this month. I'm just not myself... but its up to you how you wanna view me as cause i can't change your mind.

||:PreCiouS:||
1/27/2004 11:45:00 PM
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Yesterday....

totally busy day. Was literally running all over school from morning till evening. Even had to burn my lunch hour to search for cases. Which was a stupid thing to do i know but i was rushing for time... i guess occasional hunger pangs and echos in my head throughout the day is punishment enough =P Funny how some ppl thot i was on Prozac yesterday... was i too hyper yesterday? Must be the emptiness in my brain whahaha...
Murder Game has already commenced. I cant believe that THE day has come. Yesterday's turnout was lower than expected but really hope the turnout will be better today. Well if the particpants doesnt want to show up its their loss. must have a lot of money sia... pay for the admission fee but never turn up but at least they are giving those genuinely intrested peeps a bigger chance to win the $150 Heeren voucher.
Went to sleep at about 2 plus yesterday cause i had to do the tabulation for LSM... dont even know if i was doing it correctly... sigh... so due to the very exhaustful day and turning in late i'm really bushed today. I'm right now sitting in the sch's comp lab trying to stay awake for LSM lab session doing nothing.

I really hope i get my energy back by the afternoon... oh no i just remembered! I have MBS tutorial later at 2.... ler... i guess i can only get my energy after that in time for urshering for MG =D

||:PreCiouS:||
1/27/2004 09:50:00 AM
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Monday, January 26, 2004

I wanna thank you very much
Thank you for lending me love
Now I'm levitating
Cos I feel like I've been waiting
For a lifetime
For your touch

I wanna thank you for this smile
But I don't say this much
It's usually not my style
I was sleeping and yesterday
You gave my world a shakin'
My eyes are open wide

Good God
There I was
Then you came
(Imagine my surprise!)
Some say
Less is more
But I'm not sure
(Cos I can't say goodbye)
Some day
I may fall
But till that day
I'll be feeling high
So high
Thank you very much!
I wanna thank you
For the love that you gave me
Cos it's all in your touch

- an extract taken from Westlife's song Thank You from the album Turnaround

||:PreCiouS:||
1/26/2004 12:41:00 AM
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Things always happen for a reason.

Something i believe in. Yea shit happens. Its may suck, it cld be utterly infuriating, disastrous,depressing, it cld happen for the best, it could also be to your advantage. We may kick up a fuss, ponder about it, scream, laugh, curse about it but it doesnt change the fact that it has happened and it has happened for a reason or another, consequences of actions or a potential platform for opportunities.

So why am i goin on about this?

Where i stand now, the position i am in, the path i've taken, the friendships that i've made, the things i've gone thru, the person i've become all resulted from something that happened in my life a few years ago. Things happen for a reason and i can tell you that from experience...
So what is it that happened that affected my life so much? Some of you would already know part of my life story but i've never told the whole story. Not that i'm intending to tell the whole world now about it nor am i gonna pour out my life story to all of you. Why? Why all the secrecy you may ask? Honestly i donno. Only those i hold dear and i trust knows my story but then is it the whole story? But then who really are in the group of ppl i've just mentioned? No offence to all my friends who are reading this but i can't answer it myself.
People are never who they seem to be. This statement includes me. So who is the real me? I get confused sometimes too. I've been wearing too many masks for a long time that sometimes i forget myself. But what has never changed me is the desire to please ppl. To be there for ppl in need. To help. Somebody once told me that you can't always please ppl, in my heart i know that for a fact but sometimes i just can't help it.. sigh... and because of this i'm usually taken advantage of. Yes i'm very aware that i'm one fine example of a person being used to another's advantage but whatever works. I've never work for fame or glory. If i what i do helps ppl, fine, i'm happy with that... knowing that i'm useful in this world =)

ok for the benefit of those who dont know... what happened in the past that affected my life so much is that dad passed away when i was in Sec 1. Some of you guys would go like... Big f***ing deal but you dont know what happened after that. What became of me, the state of my family... at tat pt of time i had 4 other siblings and mum was pregnant with my lil bro. We went thru a lot of hardships, still do. I was forced to live away from my family, but now its by choice cause i dont want to burdern my family...Secondary sch life started to suck, 'O' level results was disastrous... i guess ITE saved me in a way... i re-evaluated my life, got involved in a lot of activities, made awesome friends, studied like crazy (some of my friends teased that my middle name was stress haha...) got my life back on track in a way... Well this is just a summary of my academic life, a lot of stuff happened other than academically which i will only answer if asked personally cause its personal =)
Its really tempting to tell you guys everything but you guys wld get bored. seriously. and anyway wat's so intresting bout my life anyway? haha...
i dont even know why i telling you guys all this... sigh.. well anyway this IS my blog and i'll say anything i feel like saying so there =D

||:PreCiouS:||
1/26/2004 12:00:00 AM
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Sunday, January 25, 2004

It has been raining for two days straight and finally sunshine! Don't get me wrong not that i hate rainy days.. actually i love it... well only when you're in a comfortable place indoors =P
After two days of being indoors and being bored outta my mind i finally went out yesterday! The sweet smell of the outdoors! Well minus the carbon monoxide that is. LoL. Well before i actually went out had a mtg with the supervisor here. She had a lot of things to say to us poly students which i dont find surprising at all. Was really tempted to voice out alot of my opinions but decided to keep mum.
Well anyway after that lil mtg i went out with a few of the gals to go catch a movie. It has been ages since i caught one. The actual plan was to watch Cheaper by the Dozen but tix were selling super fast that by the time we got to the counter it was sold out! yea i guess it just wasnt our day... so we decided to watch the french movie Love me if you dare. The things ppl do to hurt each other.. sigh... the movie is a romantic one but a bit disturbing at times. Overall i'll give it 4 stars... worth the money! Well if you like those artsy kind of movies that its =)
After the movie it was off to meet my fellow Sui Generians who were going to Ms Lim's house at Tanah Merah. Really had a wonderful time at her house despite the crazy weather...
Well that's how day basically went yesterday...
Oh yah did some thinking... so what's new huh hehe... anyway was thinking bout the matters concerning the heart and i've come to a decison to stop. Yea stop whatever i've been thinking and feeling and just go with the flow. I mean there's no use of me wasting my time thinking bout nonsense. I mean if its my time to be in a relationship than let it be but for now i'm just gonna stay happy and be single cause hey being single has its perks. Being in the field of always observing ppl Believe me i know =) lalala...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/25/2004 10:36:00 AM
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Friday, January 23, 2004

I dreamt of a dream today...

Have you ever had recurring dreams that you can't and don't understand what they mean?
Well i've been having these dreams... Its at different locations but i'll be in the same situation... getting married! Yea i'm not kidding its like whoa. The first dream i was... i'm not sure in a library of some sorts cause i remember shelves and shelves of books. I was already wearing a wedding gown and i was panicking. I wanted to run away but i think all the exits were blocked. I'm not sure who the groom is but i was trying to run away from him but he kept finding me. So i decided to find another girl for him... sort of matchmake him with the girl so he'll leave me be. And i think he fell for the gal... then i woke up...
the second dream i had i was already standing at the altar. And in this dream i could actually see the face of the groom whom i shall not mention. My mind was racing and i saw a familar face at the balcony. The person looked jealous or something. Yea... well as usual i panicked then i guess i ran again...
The third dream which happened yesterday i was getting ready for the wedding... and it was actually sort of an arranged wedding and i was only going thru it sort of like a sacrifice cause i was hoping maybe in the future fate will bring me to the person i have feelings for... well from the window i could see guests arriving... and i sort of panicked... so like the other dreams i ran.. as i ran i felt as tho i was putting my whole heart into it... but the dream differed from the other two... as i was running there were two hooligans in front of me and i tried to avoid them.. they started shooting at me... at first they missed... then i was hit... I was shot on the arm and on my back... it felt so real that i could feel the pain... and i woke up...
Does these dreams actually mean something cause the situations are so alike and i'm always running... kind of like the runaway bride =P It cant be just a dream cause dreams dont always repeat itself... Are my dreams telling me something that is gonna happen in my life... or is it part of my subconscious? hmm...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/23/2004 07:14:00 PM
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The Trouble With Love Is
-Kelly Clarkson

Love can be a many splendored thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind,
It'll fool ya every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Now I was once a fool, it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

(The trouble with) The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Everytime I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

||:PreCiouS:||
1/23/2004 01:31:00 AM
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Thursday, January 22, 2004

hmm... you know what... maybe i shouldnt have wrote down that latest entry...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/22/2004 12:15:00 AM
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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I'm confused. I don't know what to think anymore. Like i need this right now. Darn. I really should get my priorities straight like right about NOW! argh!
How do you get a person out of your head? How do you remain friends with a person without getting your heart in the way? Can somebody enlighten me on this cause i really in need of an answer. I can't go on forever with a certain person in my head cause i dont even know if my feelings are being reciprocated.
We hardly talk to each other face 2 face cause i have no idea what to talk about cause once i've tried talking to him but i dont seem to be getting a response. I keep getting the one worded answers. That was then and i gave up at that point of time. But now... i donno lah. Its like reverse now i guess. I just answer his questions then full stop. *sigh* Sometimes its like we understand each other but then... i donno... maybe its because we are two quiet individuals...

Hold up... i seriously dont sound like myself right now... ohmygosh i'm babbling!! freakin hell! opps sowie i mean oh no! darn... i think i should stop now before i shoot myself...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/21/2004 08:20:00 PM
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Just had a long talk with Ms Ng. She wasn't as what i expected. I guess its true what they say... you never know a person until you really talk to them. Well our discussion got me thinking about loads of stuff. Sometimes the comments that she gave i'm kind of thinking is that me? cause sometimes i dont see myself in that light. Sometimes i feel ppl have too high expectations on me and sometimes because of that i feel a need to please ppl.

||:PreCiouS:||
1/21/2004 10:55:00 AM
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Went to parkway with Mel and Nad after school today. Whatever for? Well the main reason was that Mel was shopping for new clothes! First time i come across a guy actually shopping hehe... well anyway the shopping trip brought up memories on why i loathe shopping sometimes... ppl just cant make up their freakin minds! Argh! no offence to u mel but u really shop like a girl =P In the end do you know how many stuff he bought after what seems like forever? He only bought one freaking shirt! wah! and long sleeve somemore... =P honestly mel were you pressured to buy it cause of us or u wanted to? haha...
Since CNY is like coming fast i guess you have to take a rain check on buying your other stuff huh =)

||:PreCiouS:||
1/20/2004 10:21:00 PM
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Just finished MBS tutorials and i must say that my brain is slowing down a notch.... if the tutorials had gone on for a few more hours i would definitely died of boredem. I'm like repeating IT class in ITE all over again... sigh.. and i thought i wouldnt have to this agan... just my luck huh.

I was reading Haider's blog just now... well i must agree to what he's saying, well certain parts of it at least. He's giving his view on the malay community and well i wasnt offended but i understand where he's coming from cause my view is in a way similar to his... haha and i'm a malay myself... well that's if i follow my maternal side of the family but how do u define a malay? Is a person who is a boyanese, javanese or arab considered a malay? Yes our default religion is Islam and i am a muslim but does race defines what religion i am in or what kind of person i am? To me it doesnt. A person could be considered a malay but in fact a christian but in our society its like an unwritten law that all malays are muslims and actions they do are judged by what religion they are in. Well for those malays who call themselves muslims.... are you really one? Do you follow what is said to be right or wrong? Do you do something that has its consequences and later think "oh its just that i cant pray for 40 days" or "god is forgiving and i'll just pray to him and ask for his forgiveness". By doing this its like having a heck care attitude towards our religion. Sometimes i feel like it's an insult to god himself. I'm not saying that i'm the perfect example of a muslim cause i'm not. It's just that I know its taboo topic to some but Haider's posting just triggered something in me. This is my point of view and i don't expect anyone to agree or disagree with me. Truth be told i've got loads more to say on this topic but i guess i've said enough for now...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/20/2004 04:20:00 PM
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Monday, January 19, 2004

Right now i'm sitting in the SAR using jas's laptop. The rest are playing pepsi cola.. hurhur...havent played that since like forever but didnt feel like playing at the moment. Just finished helping Nad with her blog layout. Well it looks nice if i do say so myself =P
There wasn't any tort tutorial just now cause Mrs Gomez was on MC and i only got to know bout it at the last minute! Whoa i'm the class rep and i'm the last to knw bout it lah... sheesh... and today suppose to meet for crim law proj nobody turned up except me and rafidah... Man the projects are not going anywhere... i have a bad feeling about this... sigh...Didnt go for arts app lecture just now... so its two lect and counting... sigh... not that i didnt want to go but i cldnt find the LT just now... sheesh so i ended up at the SAR... as usual =) It was a rainy day today.. Seriously raining cats and dogs. Mei predicted that its gonna rain again tomorrow but we'll see =) Did quite a bit on the law notice board... more work has to be done on it but at least some stuff are up rather nothing.
Ok i'm seriously hungry rite now! argh! stomach ache!
My mind is blank so i cant think of what to type anymore... sigh...
till then...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/19/2004 08:42:00 PM
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Sunday, January 18, 2004

Been at home the whole weekend... I'm going back there in awhile just wanted to post something before i do...
really been a hectic challenging week. I really this coming lunar new year will be a fresh start for me. Mum's been nagging the whole day. Somehow i feel responsible cause i'm the older sis and all but somehow i can do nothing bout it cause i'm not able to control the actions of my bros and sis. If there is something i can do about it i donno how cause i'm still trying to help myself find my way back. A few hours ago my mum asked me if i know what depression feels like. Boy how i wish i could answer my mum that and say i know. I know my mum is going through so much if i have the power i want to take the pain away from her but i cant and i feel so helpless about it...
I've been thinking and its funny how my friends know more bout me than my mum. I never reallly confided in her cause i don t wanna be a burden to her. You may say its nonsense cause she's my mum and i should talk to her more and share more of my life with her... but thing is i dont know where to start. I dont want her to look at me differently. I know she trust me enough to do what i want to do and thats enough for me... for now...
You know why i bottle a lot of things inside me? Cause i've no avenue to express it to. Then why in the world do i have a blog then? Why in the world do i have friends? Haha.. yea i'm kind of stupid cause i dont make full use of my resources. Cause part of me is afraid what ppl might think and say... wherelse i shouldnt care about what ppl might think and say... Yea i'm a pretty messed up person arent i?
Sometimes i feel like i need a guide. Someone who can guide me when i'm lost, when i need a listening ear. I know my friends can do that but i need someone who i can truly trust in, who dont judge me and will accept me for who i am cause half of the time i'm always wearing a mask. I need someone who sees me wearing the mask and understands. Who is able to know what i feel and think without me saying. Is there such a person in this world? Cause if there is i need him more than ever right now...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/18/2004 07:59:00 PM
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We are friends from far away.
When we talk we always have something to say.
Our lives so different yet the same.
Every night we play the game.
We talk of school and about our day.
I always wonder if there's more to say.
Could it have been different for you and I?
Or was fate decided before we could have tried?
For now we play our parts, that's all that's left;
Never knowing if our hearts would have met.
Two people from far away, always asking, "How was your day?".

||:PreCiouS:||
1/18/2004 01:33:00 AM
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Saturday, January 17, 2004

~*~*~ In memory of dad... ~*~*~

17th Jan... it has been 7 years since dad has been gone from our lives... In a way i miss him... but honestly in a way i dont... i'm not sure why. Its just that he has been gone for so long and havent been part of my life for so long that i'm used to it already... If he was still alive today there's so much i wanna tell him... but i cant...

I'm feeling more refreshed today compared to how i was feeling for the past two days... I guess what i went thru needed to happen for me to move on. A new chapter of my life begins... and i hope for the better....

||:PreCiouS:||
1/17/2004 11:40:00 PM
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An e-mail i got from my sis...

Why Women Cry

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD answered......

"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort... !

I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all
circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and
to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special!
Please send this to all the women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.

But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a
wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step
gets easier.

||:PreCiouS:||
1/17/2004 03:46:00 AM
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i did a tarot card reading online of my life right now just for the fun of it ... and from what i read its kind of true... ooh scary...

how you feel about yourself now

You feel a little confused and perhaps fearful because you sense or know that there is someone or something you need to give up to be able to move on. This self-sacrifice isn’t always clear - you may not even know quite what or whom you should give up. This is a time of passage from one phase of your life to another and The Hanged Man can signify a time of spiritual development too. Perhaps you need to try and look at things from a different prospective.

what you most want at this moment

The cards suggest PreCiouS, that what you most want at this time is some clarity and less of these confused emotions that leave you fearful and vulnerable. You want to know the outcome, because you are so unsure about how you feel. Use your intuition to guide you away from any deception and ride this out - it will turn out alright in the end. The Moon is a good omen if you are in a clandestine affair.

your fears

Ones heart is ruling ones head! You are so afraid of being hurt you are paralysed into non-action. To have or not to have? To stay or to go? Throw caution to the wind, great happiness awaits you if you can trust what you feel and ignore the fear and do it anyway.

what is going for you

A time of absolute endings and brand new beginnings, your life is going through a period of great transformation. Whilst it may be difficult or even painful you will pull through. You will be free for a brand new phase in your life.

what is going against you

There are conflicts around you, frustrations and possibly a break up in a relationship. Be careful not to over-react and be too protective or dictatorial about your needs, and whatever you do, do not resort to emotional blackmail, it won’t do you any favours. You may be experiencing infertility problems or an unplanned pregnancy, if so just know that there are people around you who love and care for you and will provide support.

outcome

The Sun is shining on you - it's your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It's a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.

||:PreCiouS:||
1/17/2004 03:34:00 AM
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Never really knew how much ppl cared about me until today...
the dam broke today... i couldnt contain it anymore... couldnt concentrate during econs lecture... prayed to god to help me stay strong but i guess it wasnt gd enough... i went out half way during lecture... i had to go somewhere so i went to the reservoir... i didnt expect anyone to follow me but hazelyn did.... i didnt realize that she cared so much, i told her everything i was feeling.. then xuan smsed... somehow he xould sense something was wrong when i went into lecture... sashi and latha came next... then yimei... and apri... i was really overwhelmed by their presence... they cared so much to come to find me at the reservoir...
Before this i kept myself strong so others wont see me differently but then i was proven wrong... i cant stay strong all the time... i thank god that i have them as my friends... their presense gave me the strength to move on...
may god bless all of them...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/17/2004 01:32:00 AM
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Friday, January 16, 2004

I feel crappy.
seriously.
I guess i've kept so much too myself and i just couldnt control it anymore. I cried. Not all of it but some. Cause i'm afraid of losing myself. I may not show ppl how i really feel... to some i'm happy always but i guess i dont want them to worry. I dont like ppl to worry bout me cause i'll only be a nuisance to them I dont want to put the extra weight on them. There's so much that i''m feeling inside that i can no longer express them in words cause they would not make sense to ppl who are reading it... I'm too tired to continue...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/16/2004 02:06:00 AM
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Sunday, January 11, 2004

The greatest pain in life
is to be present and be ignored
to accomplish the best and be celebrated without
to have a friend but not there when in need of support

The greatest pain in life
is to die and be forgotten
to love and not be loved in return
to have lived but not experienced life

The greatest pain doesnt necessarily be physical
Sometimes its the actions
Words are not being said
But actions speaks another thing altogeter...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/11/2004 01:15:00 PM
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Saturday, January 10, 2004

Protector Fairy
Please rate my quiz I worked really hard for this
thanks

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8359120)

You, my friend are a true individual. You most
likely hate trends and are creative. By seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange. I'm guessing you
are a lot like me. Perhaps a Good Charlotte
hater? I hope so. An inspiration to us all,
continue being you! (If you like GC, I'm sorry,
I am just expressing an opinion)

A Deeper Look Inside Yourself (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

||:PreCiouS:||
1/10/2004 09:30:00 PM
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"Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours."
-Swedish Proverb

||:PreCiouS:||
1/10/2004 09:21:00 PM
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"Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

||:PreCiouS:||
1/10/2004 09:21:00 PM
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i was getting fed up so i wrote this to mei...

Dear Mei,

I've said most of the things i wanted to say during the msn conversation. I'm sorrie if it hurts you. I wouldnt be a friend if i wasnt brutally honest. Seriously arent you tired of crying? If i were you i would. Dont tell me i donno how it feels like to cry all the time cause i've been through it before, i've also considered admitting myself into the mental institution but i got over it cause i learned that if i cant help myself no one can.
You know when i said abt being knocked down i seriously wasnt joking. I've been in school almost everyday 24/7. I'm emothionaly, physically and mentally tired, drained. Dont get me wrong i love what i'm doing cause it gives me something to do so i wont think. I have my own problems but i dont let ppl know bout it cause i know it'll be no use. no one can help me. so i drown myself with work. It keeps me going. Maybe you should find yoursellf a distraction.
I know you're gonna say that you shld be the one in mental inst and being knocked down but you dont deserve to.
You have a family to support you. I dont. I hardly see my family, you know why. Your family members may be strict with you cause they love you. You have your friends who cares for you esp your JC friends. At least you have a support to fall back on. I dont. I dont even have a piller of support. I cant depend on others, I have to depend on myself cause i feel that i'm alone in this world. Nobody knows me that well even if there is they would be too busy to even care. Compare my life to yours you are lucky. You may not feel it now but maybe later on. I really hope you understand what i'm trying to say, maybe you'll get it at a later point in life.
Relatiionships arent everything. Trust me. I havent been in one and i've so much things in my hands. I've gone tru stuff you cant even be in that i have. So move on mei. I'm really worried about you if you go on like this.
I've run out of things to say at this point of time. Know that i'm here for you no matter what.
I treasure my friendships and i dont throw away my friendships easily... so if you see me along the school corridors dont be a stranger...

Luv,
Azi

||:PreCiouS:||
1/10/2004 03:48:00 AM
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end of the first week of school
*phew*
and tutorials havent even started. I think i'm gonna collapse of exhaustion half way thru the semester. So much stuff has been happening this week i dont even know where to start...
oh and the guy i'm trying to get over...
i still cant get over him
arrghh!
y?Y?y?y?y?
i dont even know why i have feelings for him in the first place
i should be over him by now
and i owe dinner with someone... how did i landed into that.... or was he joking?

||:PreCiouS:||
1/10/2004 03:47:00 AM
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Thursday, January 08, 2004

True Talent Test

Azizah, your true talent is spatial ability

Your ability to visualize objects in three-dimensional space gives you a unique view of the world. Because of this talent, you are much better than most people at imagining new designs including floor plans, page layouts, and three dimensional objects.

How do we know that's your true talent? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question and rated your skills in 5 areas. You scored highest on spatial ability.

People like you are usually great when it comes to putting together assemble-it-yourself furniture or other household items — whether the items arrive with instructions or not. Your spatial skills also help you understand the finer points of how things work.

And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results. You also have other hidden talents that can have a dramatic effect on your career, your life and how other people see you.

||:PreCiouS:||
1/08/2004 11:27:00 PM
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its thursday already...
sigh...
the fourth day of school and to tell you the truth i'm tired
i've been in school almost everyday during the term break
sometimes i feel like standing in the middle of the road and get knocked down so i'll get a decent rest in the hospital.... arrgh i'm going mad already!!!
Today s a really irritating day. me and some of the other scriptwriters were sitting at jupiter cafe... y? cause sashi dragged us there to meet her ex-future boyfriend, i forgot his name... well anyway i was totally irritated after being a few mins there... well basically i've reached the limit of hearing the girls talking about guys everytime we have a mtg. i swear if she talks abt the guy and the guy's friend one more time i'm gonna kill the guy and his friemd and his friend's friend.
I've had it. Guy talk i mean. i've had enough.
Almost all the girls i know are talking bout guys. hello! can you ppl quit it already?! isnt there anything else you cld talk abt? the world doesnt revolve ard that only you know.sheesh...
ok i know i'm babling... just stressed out ok
and now my mum is nagging at the backgrd... argh! can someone just shoot me now??? i think i'm gonna have a breakdown already...
ok zizah deep breaths... breath in................... breath out....................................
arts appreciation tutorial was today.. ok not so fond of my class. Man. nad,kay and mx are in the same class and i'm stuck in a class two hours after theirs in a class of ppl i donno and everyone seems to know someone or a few... damn.. just my luck i guess...
murder game in like 17 days (incl. wkends)...
can we make it?
can we do it?
i certainly hope so
cause i've put my all into it... and i'm drained
i think i shld stop already or else i'm gonna talk nonsense...
another time then...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/08/2004 11:06:00 PM
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Monday, January 05, 2004

sitting in the old house
memories flooding in
tears begins to flow
unable to stop
unable to stop the pain inside
the scars may be gone
but the pain still remains
a life long forgotten
floodgates left open
the shop across the street
where good memories flow inside
joy and laughter pass thru those doors
stains filled with character
a girl stands in the corner
unnoticed by the crowd
she stands there waiting
for a person who'll never come...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/05/2004 02:13:00 AM
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I think there is seriously something wrong with the host add blogspot cause i cant seem to go to any blogspot add including my own blog... sheesh...
if you can read what i'm posting tag me =P

||:PreCiouS:||
1/05/2004 01:39:00 AM
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Sunday, January 04, 2004

i'm sick. Really hate it. School's opening tomorrow and i cant believe i'm awfully sick. and to top it off i have a sprained wrist as well. lucky me. Food just cant settle in my stomach, everything would just come out again. darn as if i need to lose weight. My mum tells me i'm too overworked... gotta agree with her tho.
too weak to continue on... til then...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/04/2004 01:04:00 AM
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Thursday, January 01, 2004

first and foremost....

~~ HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! ~~

The end of 2003 as we know it. We leave behind us the bad, the good and the ugly and usher in the new year to start afresh and do things better after learning from past mistakes and get started on our new year resolutions.

Reflecting...
2003 was a rollercoaster ride for me. From ITE to Poly, leaving old friends and making new ones, getting rid of old habits and having new ones, emotional turmoils, conflicts, stress, loss.... well u get the idea =P I've learned and exprienced a lot this year and i cherish every lesson and memories of it. True there may have been some regrets here and there but that's how life works sometimes. Ive learned that being true to oneself is important and not to care too much abt what ppl say cause it would only pull you down.

Enough of looking back, some say its bad luck haha...
2004.... a year of hope and opportunities. We cant look into the future but we can make a difference in our lives and the people around us, its up to us really. Our choice. So this year i hope its gonna be a fantastic year! Gonna make sure of it =P
So here is my new year resolutions.... (not in order of inportance)

1) Do better in my studies... how? well pay more attention to lectures, do tutorials and read up more.
2) Save at least $2 a day
3) Continue voluteering for VSA camps
4) Be on time for meetings
5) Do what i preach
6) Try not to speak my mind too much as in retort back cause its just gonna upset me alot
7) Be closer to my family members get to know them better... cause i dont see them much... some of u know why...
8) Make my mum happy... lessen her burden...
9) oh and last but not least... Fall in love with a significant other... which i dont tink would happen anytime soon haha... not very optimistic in this dept =) but a hope nonetheless... any reccomendations?? haha...

One can never expect the unexpected so its best that we take one day at a time. Bring hope and happiness to people close to us and around us. Okay i know i sound too optimistic but hey one has the right to feel this way sometimes esp when its the start of a new year =) I'm not saying that bad things wont happen, or that you (or refering mainly to me) wont get hurt or dissapointed, well shit happens but its up too us how bad we want to make the situation, how we want to preceive the situation right? Always remember that no one can make us feel inferior without your consent.

Before i end this i wanna say a few thank yous....
Firstly...
Thank you to all my friends who have been there with me when i was going through a difficult time;
the original K-oZ peeps. Thank you for everything you guys have done for me, the good memories and not forgetting the bad =) but most of all for being you. (This esp goes out to Aida and Ifah)

to all my ex-classmates of IS0107P and 1SC1 thank you for a great year! Miss you guys alotalot... when are we gonna have our next gathering?

to my T/O Mr Chua and good friend Irwan thank you for believing in me..

to the other 2/3 of irazimei... thank you for being there whenever i was in need, the good times and the bad. You guys made my life in poly a terrific one!

to my poly friends (the family)... you guys are one great bunch! Thank you for being you! Dont change ya!

to all Sui Generians thank you for all the good times we had as a class, the support that you guys have shown towards
each other, esp for being you cause you guys make up sui generis. nothing is ever gonna change that...

to my fellow murder game scriptwriters... thank you for a wonderful time. I really learned a lot and enjoyed working together. Hope we'll continue writing together...

to my other poly friends.... thank you for making poly life more bearable hehe... but seriously thank you for the support some of you have given me

to all VSA befrienders and campers you guys opened my eyes to a lot of things. showed me the beauty of voluteerism work. Thank you.

to all my friends and staff at darul ihsan orphanage... thank you for all the good and bad memories. You guys made me what i am today; more knowledgeable that is =) We went tru so much together, you guys are like my 2nd family. thank you for being you...

and last but not least to my family for being there whenever the situation is. i know we have our rough moments but there are happy moments too. Especially to my mum, i know you are going thru a lot, you're the strongest women i ever know. Thank you for your love and support. God bless you!

To whoever i missed out.. thank you for being in my life...

okay whoa it sounds like i'm receiving an award haha... but seriously this comes from the heart. My appreciation for everyone who has come into my life cause i can't give material things cause it would be pointless... well also because i'm not rich... but a simple thank you is a sincere appreciation that is more meaningful than some stuff...

God Bless...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/01/2004 01:22:00 AM
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