Sunday, April 18, 2004

Had a talk with mum just now... well mum did most of the talking actually... the main topic was abt my cuz who apparently ran away from home.... Apparently grandpapa and grandmama came down just now when i was taking a nap... and grandpapa apparently got angry with mum cause her point of view and his point of view was different on the issue of my cuz. Mum reanacted to me the whole convo and what she said actually sets me thinking about god and life. I admit i've never been really close with any of my cousins... why? maybe its just me, i've always been the one who keeps to myself whenever there's a gathering. Anyways, whatever this cuz of mine is going thru i can understand what she is feeling. I dont think i'd tell the whole story cause its not mine to tell but what really set me thinking was the convo between mum and grandpapa (oh grandmama was quiet througout the convo it seems)... It came down to deeds, gratitude, god and religious prophesy. Something that grandpapa said really hit a raw nerve. He said something abt our family always being sick and it was our fate. Ouch. seriously. ouch. Yes my family is not like the other families. Some ppl view sickness as a curse but like mum said it can be a blessing. It is a blessing because no other ppl have what we have. God chose us to lead this life because he knows that we can handle whatever comes our way when others cant. Deeds. When we do a good deed do we expect anything else in return? The thing is when you expect someting back in return you're not doing it out of the goodness of your heart. Once you bring it up to get something back in return the value of the good deed is gone.... Love... can someone actually love you 100%? Acc. to mum no. The love between husband and wife, mother and child, etc... thats the reality of it. some of you may argue about it but then think about it... as a person everyone has their own needs, would a person sacrifice everything for another? Well in a rare case when there is such a person there would surely be a thought that crosses one's mind about themselves... its only human nature... so if you think someone can love another 100% think again (sigh that applies to moi too...) haiz.. actually there was much more that was said but then it is too long and complicated to explain here... but like i said it got me thinking a lot... mum also kinda reavealed what she's really feeling inside... feeling about us... her children... raising 6 of us without dad isnt easy... No matter how strong a person is they have their vulnerabilities... today i saw mum's... she's gone through so much for us.. she sacrificed a lot for us... and i know we've dissapointed her time and time again... but still she's always there when we need her support... how she stood up for us when ppl look down on us... Nothing in the world can every repay her for everything she's done for us... Thank you mum... i know i dont say it as often as i want to but i love you =)

A tribute to mum...

It takes a lot to know what is love
It’s not the big things, but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by
I don’t think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
And I’ve had many years of grace
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you’ve done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect daughter
You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And you showed me that you would
Always be there
I wanna thank you for that time
And I’m proud to say you’re mine
I love you mum

||:PreCiouS:||
4/18/2004 12:30:00 AM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.