Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Some guys are just jerks
just plain ol mean
is it a macho thing or something?
why do they even exist?
like the world isnt bad enough w/o them

bleargh

idiots

||:PreCiouS:||
6/30/2004 09:21:00 PM
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Something for me to learn

I need to learn...

I need to learn to say "NO"
I need to learn to say "Sorry i cant"
I need to learn to say "look can we do this my way for once?"
I need to learn to say "I'm sorry i have something else to do"
I need to learn to say "could you stop and look me in the eye for once?"

I need to learn when to quit
I need to learn when to put my foot down
I need to learn when to stop and rest
I need to learn when to stop trying
I need to learn when to be loud
I need to learn when to just shuddup

I need to learn that i am capable of only so much
I need to learn that i cant change everything
I need to learn that i cant be like other people
I need to learn that i have my limitations
I need to learn that i cant change everyone's view on something
I need to learn that i need to be dependent on someone once in awhile...

yeap there's loads of things i need to learn..
wat brought on this entry?
i realise there's some things that i need to learn to do to actually 'survive' in the real world and these are some of it... not that i'm currently not. Its just something that i need to work on in certain circumstances/senarios. Even tho i list down some or most of what i need to learn, me being me find it hard to do some of it...
and sometimes ending up being pushed around or taken advantage off...
so maybe listing out some of the stuff here may actually help me straigten out my mind on what i need to work on...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/29/2004 06:06:00 PM
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Been sitting at iLaw Chambers...

alone...

for almost 2 and a half hours now...

why?

doing crim pro tutorial tats why haha...

well waiting for some ppl to finish classes at the same time... wonder if they'll remember that i'm waiting for them...

hmm...

anyways been extra sleepy lately, not so unusual, but i have been taking the effort to sleep early and the thing is no matter how tired i am, i dont fall a sleep straight away, i would toss and turn for like an hour before i can really fall asleep, even with the radio on.. hmm.. yea i sleep with the radio on, dont ask me why, kinda used to it i guess =P

tutorials have started and so far so good, been a better student than before and i wanna keep it that way. Need to push my grades higher. The higher the better hehe.. nothing wrong with aiming high right?
I guess that wat's i've been not doing the past two sems... cause as i was comparing my yr 1 in poly and then in ITE, the stand i had was different, it felt different, so i kinda decided its time to switch back to the previous mode which has proven to be a better mode for me.

Hmm.. cant seem to think wat else to blog about right now.. my mind has officially logged off right now... speaking of blogging i've decided to carry on with my blog cause anyway i do need a place to pen down my thoughts, kinda like a place to reflect or i'll just keep too much things inside, which btw is not good...

oh yea cant wait for saturday, meeting my ex-ITE classmates for a gathering and a farewell thingy for our fave lecturer Mr Chua who's migrating back to Australia...
been like ages since i last saw most of em'...

saw wan's ex today. Wan if you're reading this, yea i saw her... yupyup saw Nureen. She's a student in TP now studying biz. So now you know hehe... forgot to ask her if she has contacted you or not.. hmm.. maybe she changed her e-mail addy or something, that is if she hasnt contacted you yet.. maybe would catch up with her if i bump into her again. will keep you posted hehe...

okie lab closing... will cont. later then..
cheerios!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/29/2004 04:30:00 PM
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Hmm.. i actually wanted to turn in early today after finishing up some tasks that needed to be done but then right before i decided to log out this person i met thru friendster asked me a question and well it turned out into a convo which i still found amusing...
well i find it amusing if u dont =P

so what was the question then?

well...

the person asked if i was in love...

haha...

yea.. in love...

so why did he ask me that?

just because my msn nick says... nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher...

gee...

anyway i still find it amusing...

hmm.. maybe i'll just cut and paste the convo so you'll have a clearer pic...

:::THE CONVO:::

Baby.....CHAK !! says:
are u in love ?
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
why?
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
your nick..
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
implies love..
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
haha...
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
well...
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
honestly
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
i donno
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
maybe i am maybe i'm not
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
are u admiring someone presently ?
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
nah its more like disadmiring but i dont think 'admiring' is the word
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
sounds so secondary sch
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
wah, i didnt know its an old sch word..
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
then say wat ?
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
say loving someone is it ?
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
honestly i'm not sure cause my kind of person is i dont fall for a person for physical attributes thus the word admiring cause tat tend to happen to girls, they'll admire guys who they think are 'hot' haha... for me its something else
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
not really sure wat it is... its more of personality wise, wat kind of person tat guy really is...
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
admiring can be for their 'brains' attributes also wat, but do u easily fall in love with sumone ?
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
nope
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
i dont
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
when i do usually i fall hard
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
haha...
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
so usually its tough to get over it
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
as in alto i'll move on the person will still be on my mind once in awhile
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
oh...............................
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
so your ex is still on your mind..
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
ic...
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
no lah
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
i got no ex
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
haha...
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
never had one ?
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
then u in love with orlando bloom is it ? hahakz lol
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
eww
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
no
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
eww ?!?!?!
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
i tot gals fall head over heels for him ?
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
erm no
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
not all girls can
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
ok, cool..
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
then which guy are u eyeing on currently?
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
ah...that;s the word..
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
haha...
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
no one
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
trying not to
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
y not ? studies huh ?
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
yea
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
anyway i'm not so lucky in the love dept
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says:
haha..
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
hmm.. blom ader jodoh, pelan² kayuh..
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
haiz.... same thing here...
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
u're not the only one..
nikizah - love keeps lifting me higher... says
haha.. well...
Baby.....CHAK !! says:
mm..

so yea.. tat was the whole convo, stopped it before it went any furthur =P
hmm just found the whole convo amusing donno why...
haha.. anyways just felt like blogging about it...
so its off to dreamland now...

cheers!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/29/2004 12:30:00 AM
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Sunday, June 27, 2004

Sometimes when it gets too cold fear sets in...
reminder of that day...
like black clounds lingering...
when everything was so cold...
so darn cold...
flashes of that day coming back...
as if its haunting, beckoning to submit...
the heart will beat a lil faster...
at times giving sleepless nights...
telling oneself to get over it...
hoping that it doesnt come back...
ever...
but one can only hope...
for now need to concentrate on getting stronger...
on getting better...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/27/2004 11:44:00 PM
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Friday, June 25, 2004

Law Welcome has come and gone...
yupyup...
seems hard to believe really...
both days has been a blast even tho i was feeling under the weather for the first day...
I must say both days really went pretty smooth...
so i would like to thank all especially the programme ppl for a job well done, namely michelle, tania and candy, the logistics ppl,marcus, shixian, akram and darren, the GL in-charge,huilin, concert in-charge, mx, the law inc peeps, vit, apri, soffie, haider, bertram, mx and desheng and last but not least the co-overall in charge De Sheng =)

Job well done guys!

Thank you also to all the performers at the law concert, voices peeps (SC,nad,mel,kay,daphnie), jon, izhary, awi, ling & fn.

Oh yea and not forgetting the freshies themselves oh and all the GLs too! =D

Totally enjoyed myself, hope those of you guys who were present enjoyed yourself too!

cheers!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/25/2004 10:20:00 PM
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Okie i know i still have yet to decide whether to blog on or just leave my blog hanging but till i reach that decision i'll continue to blog down when i feel like blogging...
for the benefit of those ppl who are too lazy to scroll down the right frame of my blog you might have missed the disclaimer there...
it reads...

Disclaimer: This blog is a personal journal. Any view or opinions and any views presented are solely those of the author. Entries are not meant to offend anyone. If you are offended what makes you think that the author is talking about you? Unless you are named of course. The author will not be held liable for any forms of distress, frustration, mental degeneration, rage or agony that may occur when reading this site. Copyright Â© 2004 ||:nikizah:||. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.

So even after you've read this disclaimer and still wish to know who i'm talking about feel free to ask, cause whatever i blog i take ownership, i dont back away, i'll just tell it to you straight.. if you ask that is.. if you dont we'll just leave it as it is... oh and yes i know the law, i know an exemption clause does not apply if it causes physical hurt or death but then i dont think whatever i blog will ever come to that... haha...

anyways here's a song which is on repeat in my discman...

Who Knows?

Why do you look so familiar
I could swear that I have seen your face before

I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I like to get to know you a little bit more

[Chorus]
I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

Yeah, yeah,
Yeah-eah, yeah,
Yeah-eah, yeah

How do you always have an opinion
And how do you always find the best way to compromise
We don't need to have a reason
We don't need anything
We're just wasting time

[Chorus x2]
I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?
Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?

Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day

So you go and make it happen
Do your best just keep on laughing
I'm telling you, there's always a brand new day

[Chorus]
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

||:PreCiouS:||
6/25/2004 10:13:00 PM
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Hyperventilation

Hyperventilation means breathing faster than normal. Hyperventilating can be scary for any child or adult. When you hyperventilate, your heart pounds and it feels like you can't get enough air. Your arms, legs, and mouth tingle and may feel numb because you give off too much carbon dioxide in the exhaled air. This makes the carbon dioxide level in your blood and brain tissue fall. Other symptoms and signs include visual changes, a feeling of impending doom, and sometimes loss of consciousness.

The symptoms usually last 20-30 minutes, but it may seem like hours to anyone having them. Though scary, hyperventilation is not usually dangerous.

Causes of Hyperventilation
Anxiety (the most common cause)
Severe stomach pains
Heart or lung disease
Extensive physical injuries
Panic attacks
Disorders of the central nervous system

Prevention
Probably the best way to prevent hyperventilation is to avoid situations and activities that cause anxiety. To help yourself or your child avoid hyperventilating:
Learn meditation and practice it every day. Meditation is a form of mental relaxation. It relieves stress as you focus on a single word or visual image.
Practice relaxing your muscles.
Lie down in a quiet room.
Close your eyes and take deep breaths.
Start with your feet. Tense the muscles in one foot, hold for 10 seconds, and relax them.
Repeat with the other foot.
Then, tense and relax the muscles in your legs. Then repeat with the muscles in your back,
stomach, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face.
Talk to friends, family, or even a counselor to help relieve anxiety.
Keep a journal to help you focus on your problems and find solutions you can live with.
Exercise on a regular basis. People in good physical shape are less likely to buckle under stress.
Reduce caffeine. Drink less coffee, tea, and colas. Eat less chocolate.

||:PreCiouS:||
6/25/2004 08:39:00 PM
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Thursday, June 24, 2004

Problems with blogs is ppl may get the wrong idea of what you're trying to say...
and sometimes without you mentioning anyone someone thinks you're talking about them...
and sometimes the outcome is not good...

so i wonder...

should i continue to blog...

or stop altogether?

||:PreCiouS:||
6/24/2004 09:05:00 PM
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Cant seem to fall asleep even tho i'm dead beat... must be the panadol extra that i took.. or simply my system is screwed =P

anyway that's not my reason for this entry...

Sunday was Father's Day.. Well happy belated father's day to all fathers...
so why didnt i have an entry for that day? well didnt see the point actually. The thing is i cant remember if i've celebrated father's day before maybe i did once... but that was a very long time ago... and somehow or rather i wished i had a memory to hold on to... not that i dont have any memory of dad.. but then... its rather more of things that i've actually done for him... i guess i never really had a chance to... all i can remember is making a bdae card for him using his fave color... and i guess i also never really told him how much he actually meant to me... too late i guess...
Since dad passed on mum has been both a mother and a father and i dont think it is a very easy thing to handle...

No use thinking abt sad memories cause its making my brain even more numb.. =P
anyways the song below which by itself speaks volumes is dedicated to both mum and dad...

You Raise Me Up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

||:PreCiouS:||
6/22/2004 12:48:00 AM
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Monday, June 21, 2004

Well school started as scheduled today. Had Apel for my first lesson and i was almost late. Gosh i really need to start being early or there'll be consequences i tell u... My care grp for this yr is not bad. Only 20 peeps in the class and i already know most of them so all is good =) but i still miss Sui Generis tho.. but all good things must come to an end.. sigh...
Had law welcome mtg after school, must say everything is going very well.. cant wait for the actual day.. was really quiet after programme stuff was settled...
honestly i'm really tired and adding up to the headache and fast heart beat that i've been getting its seriously not helping... and added to the fact there's just some ppl who i dont understand... i wonder if the person knows how demoralising/disheartening it is with the things that he says thinking that i didnt hear it.
nah i shouldnt be bothered with such people...
argh darn this headache just wont go away...
till tmr then...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
6/21/2004 09:48:00 PM
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You know something's wrong when...

your hand is not as stable and is shaking when u hold something

you have a splitting headache that wont go away

even tho how hungry you are you dont feel like eating

when you climb just one/two flights of stairs and your heart beats too fast

||:PreCiouS:||
6/21/2004 09:34:00 PM
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Sunday, June 20, 2004

Never deprive someone of hope... that may be all they have left...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/20/2004 04:55:00 PM
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i've been meaning to blog about a lot of stuff but everytime i try to i'll just stare at the screen...
i guess i've been too tired to blog... yea i'm tired, lack of sleep, lack of energy, i have yet to have a peaceful vacation and the greatest part is school's starting tomorrow... double wow...
After my evaluation with Mr J yesterday, i went to the reservoir, i just needed to be near a body of water, needed to be alone, since i'm not anywhere near the sea the reservoir will do.. somehow it makes me calmer, at peace....

I started to reflect on my life, how i have been doing things wrong, how my life has been going, and i ended up talking to HIM. Havent talked to HIM in a while...
So who is this HIM? God of course. who do you think i was talking to then? haha...
Somehow or rather i felt better after talking to HIM, like i have a new found direction and i decided to let my heart be free...
you see, no matter how strong a person is, somehow somewhere deep inside the person, they would want someone who'll be their support, be there when hope is dim, hold their hand through the darkest hours, guide them back when they lose their way, be there, to understand what they are going through and not judge, to shelter you when the rain falls, give you strength with their love when you need the extra boost...
Funnily enough some things that you want and need you can never have...
Sure you may have the greatest friends in the world but how long would they be there for you? How much time are they willing to spend on you? Afterall they have their own lives to lead...
Then there's the family. When all your siblings are still young and you cant expect them to understand, and your mum who has gone through so much and you wanna ease off her load and dont want her to have more things to worry about...

So somehow or rather i can never find that someone, call it gut feeling, i guess i've decided to let my heart be free, to rid myself of ppl who has once came into my heart and stayed away, avoided me somehow, like i'm that stupid as not to see what is in their eyes, if only my heart is as hard and cold as i want it to be... then maybe, just maybe i wouldnt have seen the good in those ppl and not have fallen for them in the first place.

So ff you cant have it why bother waiting for it right?

I wonder why i always talk about one thing and it ends up in totally in another thing...
haiz...
hmm for now i'm too tired to blog anything else...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
6/20/2004 01:20:00 PM
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Saturday, June 19, 2004

The sleepless nights have come back. I've been waking up from my sleep during ungodly hours and i'm wondering why i even bother to fall asleep in the first place... gee...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/19/2004 06:31:00 PM
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I Believe

They said you wouldn't make is so far uh uh
And ever since they said it, it's been hard
But nevermind the nights you had to cry
Cause you have never let it go inside
You worked real hard
And you know exactly what you want and need
So believe and you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say…

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I can)
I believe I will (I will)
I believe I know my dreams are real (know my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant (Oh yea)
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and (That's why)
That is what I do believe

Your goals are just a thing in your soul uh uh
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine
Leave all of your cares and stress behind
Just let it go
Let the music flow inside
Forget all your pain
And just start to believe

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I believe I can oh yea)
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real (All of my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (ooo)
That is what I do believe

Nevermind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all our hopes and dreams
I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up I'll keep it up
Look into the sky
I will achieve all my needs
I will always believe

I believe I can
I believe I will (I can)
I believe I know my dreams are real (I got strength)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (watch me watch me watch me)
That is what I do believe (I do believe in me)

I believe I can
I believe I will (oh yea)
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe (I do believe)

||:PreCiouS:||
6/19/2004 05:47:00 PM
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Friday, June 18, 2004

I thought it was over, that it wouldnt come back... but it did...
I'm having the same dreams again. Its the same over and over but sometimes its a different place, different situation, sometimes its the same...
and the things is i'll always end up running... i'll just run without stopping and somehow i dont feel tired nor heavy, something that i wont be able to achieve in real life, and somehow i feel free, somehow i feel like i dont wanna stop and continue running...
The latest dream i had i was in this old classroom, i was a student, and the weather was freaky, bolts of lightning was hitting the ground outside, i could predict that it was gonna hit the classroom so i got up from my desk which was beside the window and stood at the door frame and as i predicted it hit and a girl who's desk behind me got hurt.. i quickly went to my desk to collect my things before anything got worse.. and i felt guilty.. i felt guilty that the girl got hurt... i felt that it was my fault that i should have told her... then i got out of the class and started to run out of school, passed my friends, and just ran... and the bag on my back didnt felt heavy at all, i just continued running and running....
i didnt know where i was going but my heart felt lighter.. i felt like i had no worries... i felt free...
i donno..
its just wierd...
i thought the dreams i've had of running has simply stopped...
but i was wrong...
i hope it doesnt continue when school starts cause i'll just feel more tired when i wake up...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/18/2004 11:41:00 PM
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Thursday, June 17, 2004

Sometimes when i stare at my blog i have no idea where to start or i have no idea what to talk about. The thing is there's so much stuff goin on that when it comes down to actually typing it out i get a mental block.
And sometimes the irritating bit is whenever i'm not even near a computer i actually have a lot to blog about.
gee..
so here as i sit in the school's legal lab waithing for mei to finish printing her notes before we can go to lunch i'm just killing time by blogging nonsense =P
Argh and there's the 3 hour marathon lecture to look forward to. *bleugh*

=P

||:PreCiouS:||
6/17/2004 12:03:00 PM
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Monday, June 14, 2004

How do you put across what is on your mind?
Its easy to let people think you're worried about just one thing, and cause of that ppl will think you're psycho when on the actual fact there is other things that is worrying you and you dont talk about it cause it is of no concern to the other party.
And when this happen people will have a wrong perception of you but you cant be bothered with that cause it doesnt really matter.

well..

You know how you go under the knife and it doesnt feel the same even after you've recovered,

The pain doesnt go away but you learn to tolerate it even tho it gets worse once in a while,

When you feel like your heart is pumping too fast and keep trying to slow it down and it scares the hell out of you,

When you wake up every morning feeling tired and the pain is three times more,

and you cant tell anyone cause they wont understand,

if only you can tell everyone what you have but you dont wanna ppl to look at you differently or revisit your past...

When you can see dissapointment in her eyes even tho you've tried your best,

Then you look at your family as a whole and it hits you at how much you've been missing,

Constantly reminded of how a bad job you're doing as the eldest sister cause you're not at home,

When you find out that we are barely floating and there's the thought of contributing to the family income but at the expense of your education...

but it cant be considered as an option cause education is v.important and you cant contribute much if you dont have a gd solid education,

It so happens that your brain takes in all the pressure all at once and you end up breaking down and quickly trying to gain back your composure cause you cant afford to do that,

and it also dosent help that you are shaking inside from the stress and doing a barely ok job trying to stablize it,

And because of this ppl get pissed at you for your inablity to prevent yourself from breaking down and not doing a gd job keeping in check,

and also pissed because you're constantly making mistakes and your weakness is clearly seen,

and no matter how hard you try to change and do better its not good enough

then you realise that your strength is also your weakness

and habits die hard

and no matter how well you know yourself, when you try to explain yourself to the other party they tell you that your reasoning is bullshit or not a good enough reason,

i could just go on and on...

but what's the point...

anyways i'm v.tired...

wonder how its gonna be when the new acad yr starts next week...

i wouldnt be surprised if one day i cant wake up

or worse,

drop dead,

well lets not think the worse shall we...

i guess for some ppl who do not really know me or is reading my blog for the first time would not understand part of what i've entered in this entry...
past entries may make you understand or maybe it wont...
i guess everything will be clear in due course...
maybe once i'm dead or something and things are revealed...

well...

till then...

salute...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/14/2004 11:57:00 PM
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Well EURO 2004 have started. The opening match was Portugal v Grecce... knew Portugal was gonna lose cause they need a gd wake up call... lets just see if that will do them any good.
Argh cant watch the England v France match. why? cause i dont have cable at home! argh! sigh...
ooh got my hair cut yet again. haha... somehow it feels liberating getting your hair chopped off. nope my hair aint that short still shoulder length, i think if i keep doing this i'm gonna have really short hair hehe.. nah i dont think i'll let that happen.
hmm.. too sleepy to continue...
till then..
cheers!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/14/2004 01:44:00 AM
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Sunday, June 13, 2004

When you read novels, watch tv or movies, love is shown as being beautiful. They play up on how the world is a better place when you're in love and how its all nice and perfect. But how true is any of it? Is love as beautiful as it is shown?
Does it really exist in this messed up world? Does it happen in real life and not just in reel life?
Part of me wants to believe it. That it actually exists. That there is actually someone out there for me.
But there's the other part of me who dont think that will happen, especially for someone like me.
Hmmm... i dont even know why i'm talking about this...
must be watching too much vcds...
but seriously, is love for real or just something that is concocted up to be all warm and fuzzy so that humans have something to dream of and yearn for?
I guess its something people have been trying to figure that out for centuries...
or i might be wrong.. maybe its just me...

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
The sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

||:PreCiouS:||
6/13/2004 01:39:00 AM
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Saturday, June 12, 2004

Learning

I've been learning more about myself this past few weeks. Well more on me as a leader as well as a person. Sometimes we do things without realising that we might be making a mistake, and sometimes we worry so much that it turns into panaroia but i thank god for friends who are there whenever we need a good jolt.
It depends on individuals per se. Some will be offended if someone points out something that they may be doing wrong, some might even take it personally, but then what's the point of doing that. Only true friends will point out to you your mistakes and if you are willing to change and make the best out of it then that will be more beneficial.
I guess what i'm trying to say is i'm at the stage where i'm still learning and what better time to learn then now rather then later in life when it may be too late, i might be making mistakes that i dont realise and i'm willing to change and do better if people are frank with me.
So guys if i'm doing something wrong, if you call yourself a friend, please be frank with me whenever, i'll really appreciate it =)

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
6/12/2004 12:45:00 PM
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Thursday, June 10, 2004

"Everybody's Fool"

perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that

never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled

look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she

never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore

it never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool

||:PreCiouS:||
6/10/2004 12:08:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004

So school's gonna start in two weeks time and honestly i dont feel rested at all. Honestly i seriously need a vacation. Away from singapore if possible. The furthur the better. But as usual that will never happen. sigh.

Seriously cant believe that once school reopens i'll be in year two.
So how had first year been? Well to tell the truth year 1 has really been a very challenging, busy and at the same time a learning journey. So much has happen in a year that it will be really long for me to actually write everything down.
Academically and Emotionally it has been tough. I guess it goes hand in hand. Family crisis, friendship complications, Academic dissapointments, well something that i should be used to already by now.

The thing is i still question myself why i am studying what i'm studying. Honestly i can never see myself in the law profession, neither would i have imagined me studying law when i was in secondary let alone ITE. I've always thought that i would do something else. Something in my area of interest, something i'm good at, even that seems hazy to me now cause i dont know anymore. Will it be too late for me to start afresh? But then i gotta look at my life realistically. I'm the eldest in the family. Financially we are managing but things are not as good as it looks. Mum doesnt have a stable job, My sibling are all growing up and education wise alot has to go into that... looking at a broader view supporting a family of six growing children isnt cheap added to that there's also my medical bills, including my other siblings' and stuff, furthurmore the cost of living in Singapore itself is not cheap think about all the other bills that needs to be payed... so its my responsiblity as the eldest to take care of things and i guess i dont have the luxury to start afresh and do what i wanna do.

Law aint so bad actually, it is interesting, and i guess if i wanna make the best out of it i can tap into my strength and work it together with my education to get the job that i really feel satisfied doing, for example helping the less fortunate who need legal services, like what Legal Aid is doing. (hmm so far i'm doing a good job of trying to convince myself =P)
Something i learned about life is that we can never expect life to go according to what we have planned for ouselves, cause if it did i wouldnt be here where i am today. So i guess we've gotta make the best out of it and remain hopeful that our efforts dont go to waste.

So for now i'll concentrate on my short-term goals, which is primarily to put more effort into my studies, get better grades and get into university. So this will be my focus for the next two academic years.

Taking this into account... me running again for Law Inc for next academic year, my guess will be 50/50.. undecided... dont get me wrong, i like doing what i do, the purpose i'm in it in the first place but then there's the advantages and disadvantages... well for now i'll let the matter rest...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/08/2004 01:07:00 AM
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Monday, June 07, 2004

Sibling Outing

Wednesday was my first family outing of the year, well today was my first sibling outing.. literally.. all 6 of us have never really gone out together (excluding mum that is). As i'll be at home starting today till the 20th might as well make the best of it right? =)
So all of us went to watch Harry Potter at TM GV around 3.30pm, khai had already bought the tickets earlier in the week so no front row seats and having to strain our necks =P After the movie the initial plan that was decided early in the week was to celebrate khai's bdae cause his bdae falls on this coming tuesday, we were suppose to meet mum at seoul garden for dinner, but mum wasnt able to come cause mum was feeling under the weather, not wanting to dissapoint the rest i was given the job to keep an eye on em' as usual =)
So dinner we had, and Seoul Garden was the place. We were actually there for 2 hours plus hehe... well u do gotta get ur money worth dont cha? =P
After dinner my bro challenged me to play with him Time Crisis 2 at E-Zone so yea off we went to E-Zone. As we were waiting for the machine to be free, me, 2nd sis, and the two misfits.. err opps.. the two youngest kids, idah and salam, played the table puck game, okie i seiously donno wat the game is called but it's the ping pong like table where u try to slide the white pucks into the slots.. yea that one.. =P erm if u still dont get the pic maybe i'll show u one day if we ever land up in an arcade that has it =P
Oh yea back to Time Crisis.. well out of the three rounds i won 1... hehe.. yea... hey i'm only a rookie but at least i won 1 hehe...
well then after that 3 of us gals played the Find It game, after we ran out of tokens saw my two bros Aiman and khai waiting to play Daytona so since its a linked player thingy i decided to join them.. its not always that i get to hang with em' and play Daytona.. =P
So yea all in all i think we all had fun...
I guess its my fault that i havent been spending much time with my siblings, cause when i mention to my siblings how this is like the first time all of us are going out together all of em' said it was my fault cause i'm always too busy...
i guess they're right...
Time to change my priorities, afterall they're the only family i've got =)
well my eyes are droopy now... need to wake up early for a mtg anyways...
till then...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
6/07/2004 01:08:00 AM
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SgI Update!

well glad to report that mel got into the next round! yay! see i knew he would hehe...
So all the best to the both of em' for the next coming round =)
songs prepared yet?
Don't fret you guys are gonna do just fine =D

Cheers!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/07/2004 01:04:00 AM
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Saturday, June 05, 2004

Singapore Idol Auditions

Singapore Idol's auditions was held today and as you guys know Kay and Mel went.
Congrats to Kay for making the next round! Knew you could do it gerl!
Well mel wasnt able to go thru the auditions today cause there was too many ppl but the best of luck melly! Keeping my fingers crossed for ya!
Sorrie cant be there to give my support but i'm there in spirit ya =D
Examples of two fine ppl pursuing their dreams... sigh... so when's my turn =P
haha.. kkiez signing off now

salute =)

||:PreCiouS:||
6/05/2004 09:46:00 PM
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Friday, June 04, 2004

Vienna
- Billy Joel

Slow down
You crazy child
Your so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, then tell me why are you still so afraid
Where’s the fire? What’s the hurry about?
You better cool it off, before you burn it out
You got so much to do, but only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told,
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
Your gonna kick off before you even get half way through
When will you realize, Vennia waits for you

Slow down
Your doin fine
You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight
To bad that is the life you lead
You’re so ahead of your self that you forget what you need
Though you can see when your wrong, you can’t always see when your right
You got your passion, you got your pride
But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied
Dream on! But don’t imagine they’ll all come true
When will you realize, Vennia waits for you

Slow down
You crazy child
And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
It’s alright. You can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize, Vennia waits for you.
That u can get what you want or you can just get old
Your gonna kick off before you even get half way through
When will you realize, Vennia waits for you

||:PreCiouS:||
6/04/2004 07:01:00 PM
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My first family outing for the year

6 months had to pass before i was finally present at a family outing and initially i didnt want to go because i wanted mum to save money instead of having an extra person to spend on cause i know how much it costs to bring the whole family out. well i still went because my mum wanted me to and we were gonna celebrate my bro's bdae early so yea i didnt have the heart to say no...
had loads of fun and found out that it wasnt easy to keep an eye out for all your five siblings at once but hey it was an eye opener nonetheless...
i've uploaded the pics so u can check it out the pic is linked =)

but like any other usually day whenever i'm in high spirits somethings always love to pull me down. argh. well it aint good to dwell on bad memories so i'll just leave it as that.

salute.

*********************

Perfect

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

||:PreCiouS:||
6/04/2004 02:43:00 PM
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! You are most like An Emerald !
Caring, giving, - and very emotional. You're the
person
people turn to with a problem. You worry about
everybody,
and genuinely want to help - a little too much
sometimes.
As an emerald, you tend to take a more backseat to
the other
gems, but your inner beauty soon captivates those
who take
the time to get to know you.
Congratulations ... You're the selfless gem
everybody needs as a friend.

?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

||:PreCiouS:||
6/04/2004 02:42:00 PM
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Thursday, June 03, 2004

life
everyday
u wake up every morning
hoping that the day will be a gd one
it will better
but then u take a step back
to see urself frm another view
u see what's hidden inside
life is like a black hole
no matter what u do
no matter how busy u are
there's still this hollow feeling inside
no matter how much rest u have
u still feel fatigue
cause there's too much goin on in the mind
as u sit by the river u begin to think
how do u turn your life around
how do can u make things better
but your mind is a blank
its not a simple as doing a geography paper
seeking answers for questions that is difficult to find
what am i doing wrong?
what am i dong that is not enough?
what's wrong with me?
dear god help me...

**********

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

||:PreCiouS:||
6/03/2004 12:37:00 AM
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fine just found out that they had to watch Shrek2 without me.
this is like the second time lah and i actually saved myself from watching shrek because i wanna watch with u guys.. gee.. thanks soo very much... go ahead and do it more often. why should i care right? ....

||:PreCiouS:||
6/03/2004 12:27:00 AM
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