Sunday, June 20, 2004

i've been meaning to blog about a lot of stuff but everytime i try to i'll just stare at the screen...
i guess i've been too tired to blog... yea i'm tired, lack of sleep, lack of energy, i have yet to have a peaceful vacation and the greatest part is school's starting tomorrow... double wow...
After my evaluation with Mr J yesterday, i went to the reservoir, i just needed to be near a body of water, needed to be alone, since i'm not anywhere near the sea the reservoir will do.. somehow it makes me calmer, at peace....

I started to reflect on my life, how i have been doing things wrong, how my life has been going, and i ended up talking to HIM. Havent talked to HIM in a while...
So who is this HIM? God of course. who do you think i was talking to then? haha...
Somehow or rather i felt better after talking to HIM, like i have a new found direction and i decided to let my heart be free...
you see, no matter how strong a person is, somehow somewhere deep inside the person, they would want someone who'll be their support, be there when hope is dim, hold their hand through the darkest hours, guide them back when they lose their way, be there, to understand what they are going through and not judge, to shelter you when the rain falls, give you strength with their love when you need the extra boost...
Funnily enough some things that you want and need you can never have...
Sure you may have the greatest friends in the world but how long would they be there for you? How much time are they willing to spend on you? Afterall they have their own lives to lead...
Then there's the family. When all your siblings are still young and you cant expect them to understand, and your mum who has gone through so much and you wanna ease off her load and dont want her to have more things to worry about...

So somehow or rather i can never find that someone, call it gut feeling, i guess i've decided to let my heart be free, to rid myself of ppl who has once came into my heart and stayed away, avoided me somehow, like i'm that stupid as not to see what is in their eyes, if only my heart is as hard and cold as i want it to be... then maybe, just maybe i wouldnt have seen the good in those ppl and not have fallen for them in the first place.

So ff you cant have it why bother waiting for it right?

I wonder why i always talk about one thing and it ends up in totally in another thing...
haiz...
hmm for now i'm too tired to blog anything else...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
6/20/2004 01:20:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.