Tuesday, June 08, 2004

So school's gonna start in two weeks time and honestly i dont feel rested at all. Honestly i seriously need a vacation. Away from singapore if possible. The furthur the better. But as usual that will never happen. sigh.

Seriously cant believe that once school reopens i'll be in year two.
So how had first year been? Well to tell the truth year 1 has really been a very challenging, busy and at the same time a learning journey. So much has happen in a year that it will be really long for me to actually write everything down.
Academically and Emotionally it has been tough. I guess it goes hand in hand. Family crisis, friendship complications, Academic dissapointments, well something that i should be used to already by now.

The thing is i still question myself why i am studying what i'm studying. Honestly i can never see myself in the law profession, neither would i have imagined me studying law when i was in secondary let alone ITE. I've always thought that i would do something else. Something in my area of interest, something i'm good at, even that seems hazy to me now cause i dont know anymore. Will it be too late for me to start afresh? But then i gotta look at my life realistically. I'm the eldest in the family. Financially we are managing but things are not as good as it looks. Mum doesnt have a stable job, My sibling are all growing up and education wise alot has to go into that... looking at a broader view supporting a family of six growing children isnt cheap added to that there's also my medical bills, including my other siblings' and stuff, furthurmore the cost of living in Singapore itself is not cheap think about all the other bills that needs to be payed... so its my responsiblity as the eldest to take care of things and i guess i dont have the luxury to start afresh and do what i wanna do.

Law aint so bad actually, it is interesting, and i guess if i wanna make the best out of it i can tap into my strength and work it together with my education to get the job that i really feel satisfied doing, for example helping the less fortunate who need legal services, like what Legal Aid is doing. (hmm so far i'm doing a good job of trying to convince myself =P)
Something i learned about life is that we can never expect life to go according to what we have planned for ouselves, cause if it did i wouldnt be here where i am today. So i guess we've gotta make the best out of it and remain hopeful that our efforts dont go to waste.

So for now i'll concentrate on my short-term goals, which is primarily to put more effort into my studies, get better grades and get into university. So this will be my focus for the next two academic years.

Taking this into account... me running again for Law Inc for next academic year, my guess will be 50/50.. undecided... dont get me wrong, i like doing what i do, the purpose i'm in it in the first place but then there's the advantages and disadvantages... well for now i'll let the matter rest...

||:PreCiouS:||
6/08/2004 01:07:00 AM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.