Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Trust

To trust and being trusted, is it a privilege or somehing earned? To trust a person wholeheartedly is there such a thing? Are there factors that add to your mindset on how far you can trust a person and how much you can actually trust that person without constantly looking behind your back?
I guess there is, well that's according to my theory.
How do you salvage what mindset you have on trust when it has been broken countless times and it ends up making you paranoid? When you come up to a point that everyone is against you, even people you are close to?

i donno.

problem with me i trust in people too much at times and in the end sometimes i get bruised, thats when paranoia continues to set in and is constantly fueled, what i'll be thinking is am i saying too much? Will they use it against me? Do they wanna know about it in the first place? What importance am i to them?

so i have battles in my own head. i keep things to myself cause afterall my problems are my own and i dont want others to be concerned about my troubles when they have their own lives to lead. You see i have their well being in mind. Cause what i feel is i dont have the right to trouble others......
But unless the person is persistant and somehow you can feel the sincerity in them you actually have that feeling of trusting them.

Like this saying goes:
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."

i guess in someways people not having full trust in me is retribution for my own perspective. When i dont confide in ppl, they wont confide in me. When you're an expert of keeping things to yourself you can actually sense it in others and sometimes what irks you so much is you finding out from a third party about something when the person is actually close to you.

i guess i also dont understand why do ppl think they have to constantly watch their backs with me? Do i stab people in the back? and why the hell would i do that? Would i gain anything from it? I donno you tell me. Am i that hard of a person to talk to? Am i that kind of person? I guess i'd feel insulted as a friend, and if i use this senario vice versa i guess my close friends would also feel insulted if i don't actually trust them enough to tell them stuff.

To be trusted is a greater complement than to be loved I mean its like if i'm not good enough to be loved or fated not to be loved i would much rather be trusted as a person.
Now why is that.. what is your take on love? For me my opinion of love is one part of it trust. Trust is an important factor in love itself thus my theory on to be trusted is a greater complement than to be loved.

So why this entry? Must be something kabby said in her blog. I guess it triggered something in me and i needed to blog about it.
Dont take it the wrong way, its just something i feel...

||:PreCiouS:||
7/13/2004 12:13:00 PM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.