||:PreCiouS RefLecTionS:||



Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Deep Down Inside....



I am truly passionate.

Find your soul type
at kelly.moranweb.com.



You're excited about life and in touch with yourself and nature. Tell me, do I have this straight?

Hmmz... lets see

Virtues: You appreciate humor like none other. Puns might even spark laughter in you (TEHY R FUNNI). You seek adventure and connection with your surroundings. You seek friends who will not only share laughs with you but actually form a deep bond of trust and empathy beneath the surface. You look for adventure and courage in people, and variation is necessary to keep you under control. You see yourself as multi-faceted, so you need people who can see you in your many lights. You're constantly trying to figure yourself out while analyzing the people around you. Silly, silly people.

Aspirations: You can't decide what you want to be yet, but you know you want it to be adventures and interesting, with constant changes. You don't know what love will do for you yet, but it's competing with adventure for a place in your heart. An internal conflict has begun: can you be a successful worker, lover, and parent all at once?

Quirks: Noise of any sort is irritating when you're in the mood. Smacking gum, loud chewing, humming- it's about as pleasing as bodily noises. You dislike emaciated people because of jealousy and just plain disgust. You're a procrastinator but a hard worker, too.

Factors: You need constant attention and support. You're high-maintnence, but a great, reliable friend. Nature needs you and you need nature; it's helped thus far, so keep in touch with the outside world.

Future: Who knows! You absolutely need constant change, so vacationing is surely in the cards. Will you settle down or not? Love will find you eventually, as it does to everyone. Will you choose the sweet home life or the rewarding busy-bee life?

Omg... gosh i can see me in there wahaha... funny how these stuff can mostly ring true tralalala


||:PreCiouS:||
8/31/2004 12:29:00 AM
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Monday, August 30, 2004

Truth or Dare?

The weekend was unexpectedly fun and tiring at the same time. Thot i would stay home the whole two days but ended up at Candy's chalet on Saturday and stayed over. Thanks Candy =)
Food was great, we played bowling and i was like the worst player wahaha.. but i had fun nonetheless =) when we got back to the chalet at ard 2am i think the guys were conquering the room so most of us stayed outside, was a tad tired so i tried to sleep on the hard cold stone bench, well got up after my back started to hurt haha...

At the other table was peiming, tania, darren, candy, nuraini and marcus playing truth and dare so i just sat with em' and joined in...

expectedly the questions that i get asked ah... sigh...
why so predictable one???

Most common question that i always get....

"so who do you like?"

^_^"

gosh... seriously leh can come up with more creative questions can or not haha...

well those of you who are curious and want to know the ans to tat question, sure i'll tell ya, afterall wat's there to hide rite?

well the ans is..... I dont know

wahahaha... yup... its true... i seriously dont know =P
dont ask me to explain cause i dont know myself haha...

anyways the gals only went to sleep only after 6am cause some peeps started to go home at around 5am and the beds were finally available.

Woke up soon after ard 9am, showered then went off to zaid's place with alvin to help mei with her baking =)

Omg first time i stepped into zaid's place i felt like i was in a museum cum botanic gardens hehe... found out he was a drum teacher... kinda cool... didnt know tat it was tat hard to actually learn to play the drums... kinda like learning to play the piano but different hehe =P

Learnt how mei baked the cookies and helped out too... found out i liked putting the cookie dough into the cups, so destressing lalala.... can see myself doing this in the future to destress wahahaha... =P

Had an enjoyable time with mei, alvin and kiat baking the cookies. We managed to bake like
around 800 cookies, like wow haha.. never worked tat hard on baking in my life haha...

oh yea before i forget....

dearest Candy....


HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY !!!


God Bless =)


||:PreCiouS:||
8/30/2004 09:48:00 PM
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The World's a Stage

I take a look at the scene unfolding. I listen to the news spreading. Honestly, with everything going on i wanna laugh... wahahaha... Its like one big comedy episode. Tsktsk... what is the world coming too? *sigh*

The performers dont realise that they have an audience, they dont realise because they forget that ppl have eyes and ears. They forget the main purpose of the position they are in. They forget that whatever they do it is not about them anymore. They forget that they are suppose to represent a group of people who are eyeing their every move.

They forget that the world's a stage.

To them its a game. Power play perhaps? Maybe their own version of Risk. Hmmz... but they are forgetting that it involves people.

To play a game, you need to know how to play it and when you think you have the upperhand but dont know how to play the game then that's where you discover your downfall.

But when it comes down to people, its no longer a game. It is never a game. Its doing what's right, its doing what is beneficial.
You have no control of what people think, do or say.
There's no rule book on this.
Its either you have people skills or you dont.

Overall it just amuses me why some people do the things they do. What do they hope to gain?
For me i'll just continue doing the things i do best and be glad that i'm not in the middle of it all. =)


||:PreCiouS:||
8/30/2004 06:27:00 PM
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Worry not

I shouldnt be worried should i? I mean like since now i have no say in anything and that i would rather be working with ppl who are in there for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. But then.... there's this nagging feeling i'm getting. Maybe its just me. I worry about things that i shouldnt be worried about. Just that, somehow i'm concern. What is gonna happen to the state of things?

Well i shouldnt be worried should i? Afterall its in the hands of "capable" ppl and i shouldnt judge their abilities rite? Well we do have to keep an open mind on the things they come up with.

tralalalala...

oh yea a friend of my recently read one of my posts and asked why am i apologizing? Why am i apologizing for having feelings?

It set me thinking....

somehow or rather the statement rang thru.... why apologize for having feelings? I'm only human, and i can get hurt too.... sigh... but whatever the case i'll feel guilty. Cause my feelings sometimes may hurt ppl or make ppl angry....

haiz...

am i too sensitive for my own good?

I think this is a giveaway question...

yes i'm too sensitive for my own good....

I think being too emphatic also comes into the picture You know why? Cause i'm sensitive also to ppl's feelings, which is good in a way, but on certain occasions this causes me to end up with double my usual workload and letting ppl off easily just like tat... hmmz....

I need to be more firm i guess
That's where i always go wrong. I dont come across as being firm enough or in other words assertive. haha... well... i need to work on that i guess...
well as long as i'm given the opportunity to learn and grow, hey i may acutally get a hang of it haha...

||:PreCiouS:||
8/30/2004 12:44:00 PM
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Sunday, August 29, 2004

Beautiful Letdown

it was a beautiful let down
when i crashed and burned
when i found myself alone unknown and hurt
it was a beautiful let down
the day i knew
that all the riches this world had to offer me
would never do

in a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
i was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
until i found out
i don't belong here
i don't belong here
i will carry your cross and your song
but i don't belong

it was a beautiful let down
when you found me here
yeah for once in a blue moon i see everything clear
i'll be your beautiful let down
thats what i've ever been
and even if it costs my soul
i'll sing for free
we still chasin our tails in the rising time
in our dark third planet
when no one fights and no one's one

see i don't belong here
i will carry your cross and your song
but i don't belong here
i'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
kingdom come
Your kingdom come
won't you let me down yeah
let my foolish proud
forever let me down

easy living not much left for pain
easy dieing hey they're just abou the same
won't you please take me off your list
easy living please come on and let me down

we are a beautiful let down,
painfully uncool,
the church of the dropouts
and loosers and sinners and failures and the fools
oh what a beautiful let down
all resolved in the womb
and join us He wants you too

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Feels like I don't belong here
Let me down
Let me down
Feels like I'm let down
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here
Please
Won't you let me down?

||:PreCiouS:||
8/29/2004 11:27:00 PM
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Saturday, August 28, 2004

Sorry

I apologize if my two previous posting (which now not there anymore) caused peeps to raise their eyebrows or change their perceptions on me.
I'm not perfect and sometimes when emotions take over we do things without thinking things thru.
again i apologize...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
8/28/2004 01:11:00 PM
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What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)

You don't run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don't play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart
Baby, that's why you captured my heart

I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know what you have within
When I look at you, I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere (grow anywhere)
And there's no one I know that can compare

What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

You got something so real
You touched me so deep (touched me so deep)
See material things
Don't matter to me
So come as you are
You've got nothing to prove
You won me with all that you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

What makes you different,makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful

You don't know how you touched my life
Oh in so many ways I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
You saw the little things that make you beautiful to me
Oh yeah, yeah

What makes you,
What makes you different, makes you beautiful (to me)
What's there inside you, (there shines) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Everything you do is beautiful (so beautiful)
Love you give shines right through me (shines right through to me)
Everything you do is beautiful
Oh, you're beautiful to me (to me)

||:PreCiouS:||
8/28/2004 12:50:00 PM
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Friday, August 27, 2004

Never Let the Fear of Striking Out Keep You from Playing the Game

Something that i should have learnt a long time ago. But at least i know now. Funny how fear can grab you by the throat and disable you to do something.

Life has been one crazy rollercoaster ride for me and i guess i forgot how to be and believe in myself along the way, well except on certain occasions when i'm high on something like coffee or food haha...
I guess its time i stop and think for myself for once. Where i wanna go, what i want to become for myself, what i wanna do with my life...

As a kid, i confess, i was in love with fairytales, the happy endings, the prince charming, the whole package.. why? cause maybe it wasnt reality. Because somehow or rather i knew that it was all just fiction and would never happen to a gal like me. But hey face it we all have our own fantasies that we get lost in....
I guess maybe i indulge myself in it to much. As often as i deny it, i was always dreaming of my own happy ending.

its time i snap out of it. Its time i be honest to myself.

Its time that i sit down and think things through. I havent been doing enough of that cause i've been doing to much thinking of things i shouldnt be too concern about, of things that can pretty much be handled by other people, of things that i cannot control.

Its time to actually gather up all my strengths and capabilities and make something good out of it. For example my studies. I know i'm a more capable student then i already am, and i should show my full potential shouldnt i? instead of weighing myself down with things that can be handled on their own or by other people for tat matter. Cause i have to get somewhere rather then hang in limbo.

I shouldnt be afraid to show who i really am cause i have nothing to hide.
I have to change how i lead my life now. Its now or never.

Maybe life would be different now.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed =D

with this i withdraw myself from law inc

cause i believe i dont need law inc to do things that i believe i'm capable of doing

i'm not in it for the power, i'm not in it for the glory
if this is wat it comes down to
then i'm really sad

to serve the student body is an honor itself
and i'm thankful for having been given the opportunity in AY03/04

to the new law inc
i wish you all the best

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
8/27/2004 01:06:00 AM
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Thursday, August 26, 2004

Dilemma

Yes me in a freaking dilemma once again. Two different extremes, both with its pros and cons and one i can live without and the other one with a sound reason....

so what do you do now azi?

which path will u take?

what does you heart tell you?

then again what my heart says might be redundant cause i gotta look at it objectively and go with wat my head tells me...

hmmz...

we'll just see wat happens lah

damn i'm hungry
but i need sleep more...

okie off to bed now

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
8/26/2004 12:04:00 AM
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I wonder

I wonder if my previous posting provoked any thoughts to those reading it.
Did it actually made my friends wonder who am i as a person and reassess me, change their views on me as a friend?
Is there even any pretense at all on my part?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
if that enters your mind then i'm dissapointed. i really am. cause apparently you dont know me well enough that your views on me as a person can be changed just like tat. gee...

i wonder sometimes why i even bother to share my life here, share my happiness, my joy, my sadness, my anguish when i'm thought to not be the person who i say i am.
or maybe i should stop bloggin all together and let all my emotions bottle up again before it cracks and overflow like before.
The thing is i have no problems sharing my life, but hey i have my insecurities too cause after being backstabbed and hurt by ppl i trust countless times its still a wonder why i still can trust a lot of ppl.... only problem is they just dont trust me back enough to share their lives with me, cause maybe i'm just an insignificant nobody in their lives.
nvm
que sera sera, what ever will be will be....
shld i be bothered?
i shldnt shld i?

as long as i know i still have those few friends who accepts me for who i am. Those few friends who will be there for me thru thick and thin, Those few friends who can i be perfectly myself and not be afraid to hide anything. i'm thankful for them.

Who needs the world when i've got you

||:PreCiouS:||
8/25/2004 04:14:00 PM
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Random Thoughts

Have you ever suddenly, when busily doing something, like cleaning your room or folding a pile of clothes or scrubbed the toilet or making your bed, a thought suddenly crosses your mind. It happens doesnt it? well it happened to me when i was doing one of my household chores and the thought that crossed my mind was, whether i, the person who i potray to my friends, to anyone i come in contact with, really me? Is the mask that i've been wearing most of my life has now without me realising it slowly blended into who i really am? Better yet, who is the real me?
I could very well have split personalities, different personalities to go with the different happenings in my life, who knows *shrugs*

went to watch Strepford Wives yesterday, a must watch. Worth ur $$$ spent. =)
One thing came to mind after the movie.... Are guys actually intimidated by women who are smarter and more successful then them?
There must be some basis of truth to that i guess cause funnily enough i've experienced this before.

You see back in my secondary school days, there's this guy who i liked and surprise surprise (this doesnt usually happen, except for this once) he liked me back except for the fact that i was in the higher stream then him so nothing happened haha... how did i find out? cause that was exactly what he told my friend haha.. and i was going wtf? =P

anyways, is this an actual phenomenon that has been going on since ice age? When men are thought to be more superior than women?
Are all man mindsets the same? That it is humiliating to be with a more successful women? That women belong at home and are suppose to wait on their husbands hand and foot? That only man can be acknowledged as the superior species?
Hell dont just look at the homefront/relationships, discrimination in the office and school, it is still present in this modern age and society.
So does all the hard work that women put into are just a waste of time? Ambitions, goals, targets, Dreams....

Sure any guy reading this will say, "oh i actually do respect successful women etcetc", but let say if they get married to one, and let say she has a higher salary, a higher position, more successful then the husband, there's a high possiblity that the husband will in the end either 1)have an affair, 2)eventually get sick and tired of his position, 3)have an affair, 4)ultimately divorce....
am i right to say this? cause reality check, it does happen.... unless... the husband is totally madly in love with the women and is thanking his lucky stars that the women actually loves him back =P
So where am i getting at on all this? I'm not really sure, but i'm just curious... Guys ur views on this please.

||:PreCiouS:||
8/24/2004 07:03:00 PM
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Friday, August 20, 2004

how does it feel

to be

to have

to feel

that

something so precious

unconditional

no pretense

priceless

unobtainable

by me

i wish

if only



||:PreCiouS:||
8/20/2004 11:45:00 PM
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tralalala...

I'm sleepy and tired.. therefore i need SLEEP!!!
so why i am i still awake??
cause Mrs Lee is making me stay awake!!!!

nah its not melly's wife nor his mother even tho they have the same sir name (and no melly's not married muahaha)

its the darn Mrs Vanity Lee aka Vainpot aka airhead
see lah go and anyhow buy face cream
then got rashes donno how to stop
talk abt no pain no gain wahaha...
then wait long long to see lawyer
now limitation period over so cannot claim
sheesh
now must write an opinion for her
argh
which is lovingly due tomorrow
dammit
and its graded
oh man
....
p.s you guys shld hv read akram's letter it was so damn funnie wahaha...

oh for the benefit of those who have no idea who this Mrs Lee is... well... no worries.. she's friction wahaha... totally made up by our brilliant lecturers =P

i think its time i asked for a request.
is it possible to extend all deadlines for lab work?????
but then... come to think of it... if i'm working in a law firm, and i'm suppose to do this thingy for real, and only given one day, i wouldnt have a choice would i?

hmm... nevermind then... =P

do u think i'll get screwed for this?? i hope not... need somewhere to vent out my frustrations and complaints or else i'll just go crazy... we wouldnt want that would we *smileZ*

really hope i'll get this done by... let say 0130hrs... well 0200hrs at the latest...
hopefully i wont wake up late for my 9am class haiz...

oh yea with regards to yesterdays mission...
well.. i failed miserably...
haiz... yupyup...
instead of the 12am as targeted...
i ended up falling asleep at 2am!!!
sheesh...
and i woke up late for lect...
even tho i had set my alarm clock... maybe i'm beginning to have a habit of turning of the alarm once it goes off and falling back asleep haha...
at least i arrived in school in record time hehe...

wanna blog more but gotta finish my work...
well till then...
salute =)

oh yea p.s: heard alvin's sick, so get well soon dude =)

||:PreCiouS:||
8/20/2004 12:40:00 AM
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Thursday, August 19, 2004

Hmmz...

In ILaw now trying to do assignements as usual...
loads of stuff to do but crazy enuff, i'm bored!
hmm.. maybe its because i've been doing the same thing day in day out,
i think our course needs a revamp haha...

well stumbled on this quiz on Jay's blog...


Morpheus
Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


i'm Morpheus?? now whose dat? must read up on my greek mythology hehe...

||:PreCiouS:||
8/19/2004 03:38:00 PM
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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Time Check: 7:47pm

as usual still in school, in legalab, when i could have been at home instead....
so why the bloody hell am i still in school u might ask?

well for starters i needed to print out notes cause the main comp which is attached to my home printer is down...

done with printing already.. so shouldnt i be off already???

well...

the thing is my sis's laptop adapter is busted so i'm 100% sure that she is right now at home using my laptop adapter, and my laptop battery needs to be replaced so i cant very well use my laptop without my adapter so someone has to give in and since i know my sis has a presentation to do as well... so... here i am in school using the lab comp trying to complete my assignments and edit my grp's contract slides hehe...

the things i do for my siblings hehe =P

anyways the reason i bold the word trying is because.....

i'm trying to emphasize on the word

duh hehe...

seriously =P

been staring at my opinion letter to the client wondering on how to start the damn thing urghz =P i really need to score for LComm lah
note to self: comeon azi u can do it =)


oh yea had dinner with the 3 darlingz just now, and they have now left me here to rot =P hehe.. just kidding, i wouldnt want them to waste their time to wait for me to finish whatever i'm suppose to do hehe... luv u guys =D

anyways... actually...
err...
well...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
my mind just went blank muahahaha...
so this is kinda like another mindless entry
i wonder why am i even bloggin when technically i'm like talking to myself wahaha....

been blog sufing lately and i must say there are a lot of interesting bloggers out there compared to me...hmmz... says something doesnt it...
i'm a boring blogger
waaaaaaaaaaaaaa ^-^"
nevermind i write for me =P

well LawInc Nomination forms are out... so am i running again?

runrunrunrunrunrunrun

okie ignore that, digressing =P

this should be a yes/no ans rite???

err i think

well...............

oklah i kill the suspense lah
yes i'm gonna run again hehe...
ok enuff said, wont go into details =D


time recheck: 8:17pm

Azi when are you goin homeeeeeeee!!!????

hehe...

argh i just remembered! arghargharghargh!

Charmed is starting in exactly 13 minutes!!! oh man!!
why do they have to slot it at 8:30pm??? darn olympics =P

oh yea speaking of Olympics just heard that Ronald Susilo lost... ^_^"
aiyah its always like tat one...
in the words of kabby...
"Naddy quick get fit, lose weight! we want to see u in the next olympics!" hehe *smilez*
eh u'll never know naddy u can be the 2nd singaporean to be an olympic medalist =)


okie my mission for today....

*drumrollz*


Must sleep by 12am!


wahahaha... *rolls on the floor*
*well not physically at least, its all in the head =P*

yesyes tats my mission today =)
well originally i set it at 11pm but then i gotta look at this objectively cause ju is sending her slides to me ard 10pm then i gotta add it in and edit and then send it to kasey for inspection etcetc...
so after much diliberation, i decided that 12am shld be a gd time =)

okie for the benefit for those who are clueless...
the thing is i always end up sleeping veryvery late every day...
thus i can be seen looking very tired in sch =P and today is no exception i was half dead by the time i reached sch =P
so i decided that i shld start sleeping early for my own good...
thus my mission for today hehe =)

so we'll see if i succeed in my mission or not... =)

oh yea got another mission...
this will apply from today and the future coming weeks....

*another drumroll*

my mission is...

To Save Money

muahaha...

common mission aint it?
but seriously i need to save money
its like i've been spending 90% of my pocket money on food cause most of the time i eat outside cause i'm like always in school and there isnt anything at home for dinner... which leaves me with only a small portion to buy stuff that i need, for e.g printing paper, i still hv yet to buy a proper mechanical pencil, snacks/sweets to keep me awake, home personal stuff, etcetc... haiz...

i think i need to get a job.

what kinda job i donno... as long as its not multi level mrktg bleargh

teach tution? maybe but i'm not strong academically, maybe pri school kids lah hehe...
well my strong points are in IT.. so.. anyone need a computer teacher? microsoft words, ppt, wat other software i know ah? hmm basically the basics, u'll discover things that you never knew existed in the software muahaha =P

hmm watelse?

customer service? admin work?

but wait. stop.hold it.

there's one problem....

if i actually consider taking one of those jobs then there's the time factor to think abt...
hmm... then there's also the possiblity that mum might object to it cause she wants me to concentrate on my studies... haiz...


okie shld get back to work.. been multi tasking anyways =P but still bored lah here alone in the labbie so wanna finish my work soon and be off =D

hmm.. strangely enough blogging actually kinda feels like a companion somehow wahaha... okie i'm talking rubbish, going crazie already muahaha
well till the next entry =)

p.s sinthu, sashi where are you guys??? havent seen u in like ages??? miss u guys =) okie wanted to get that off my chest hehe...

okie folks till then
salute

||:PreCiouS:||
8/18/2004 07:48:00 PM
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Monday, August 16, 2004

I believe in you

I'm suppose to do my accounts tutorial now but my eyes are in pain so i'm gonna go to bed, but before i do just felt that i shld blog something down...

well today alot of unexpected things happened... i donno if its a good or bad start to a new term... woke up at 5am in the morning tossing and turning unable to get back to sleep when the best part is today was one of the few times i can go to sch late cause there's no contract tutorial....
then during lunch found out that one of my grp members has decided to quit school and she left all her clean, unwritten, unscribbled notes to me and now i have to do her part of the presentation from scratch oh and not to mention the best part of this is presentation is in a few days time..., then after lunch had to fork out from my own pocket money this week's a/cs notes for the whole class cause the class rep brilliantly didnt want to go and get it cause she didnt want to go for the lecture and me being me took the initiative to get it for the class.. hmmz...

i guess frm my latest postings and together with the latest happenings, well... as u can imagine, or you may not, somehow inside i felt down... beaten... like i said before tired... cleaning up ppl's mess and stuff...

but somehow... before the day ended... at the end of a/c lect... i got a card from a friend....
in front it said... "God is the rock that never crumbles" and she wrote a message for me on the back on the card... and i somehow after reading it over and over it made me feel better... it made me feel stronger in a way, more determined to get through everything...

four simple words at the end of her message...
four simple words, simple but meant a lot and made a whole lot of difference...

I believe in you

simple yet uncomplicated...

to this friend, i dont think i need to mention ur name cause u know who u are...
from the bottom of my heart...

Thank you


salute


||:PreCiouS:||
8/16/2004 11:38:00 PM
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Selfish

I guess i'm being selfish thinking the way i did. Afterall our time here on this earth is limited. We are but temporary figures on this earth and i guess i have no right to feel the way that i do. I for one should understand this cause i've lost ppl that i care about in just a span of my 20 years on this earth.

My friend lost her husband yesterday to a motor accident. Some friend i am. I didnt even know she was married until recently. They have a 9 month old son. Fate has been cruel to her, like me she lost her dad at a young age, her mum ran away and she only had her grandma who constantly worries about her... and just when she found happiness, it was cruelly taken away from her... another reminder of how limited time we have on earth. Losing a loved one is never easy, it takes time to heal but then time never stops long enough for the pain to heal, life moves on... To her i offer my condolences...

I guess i can go on and on talking about life, but what would be the point? Whenever we stumble and fall, we can only pick ourselves up, for some they just prefer to stay fallen which would be such a waste. In a way i guess i'm jealous of ppl who make out the most of their lives cause they enjoy what they do, may it be sports, music, the arts, etc... for me, well i havent found my niche yet... i keep drowning myself in work, which i guess is unhealthy in a way haha... Its like i know the things i'm not good at, and have yet to discover what i'm actually good at, so here i am stuck in limbo contemplating on the direction of my life...

In a way i guess its time for me to re-evaluate my life... but changes i wanna do, well gotta be taken one step at a time cause honestly school and family stuff consumes most of my time... maybe drastic changes can be done once the semester ends.. we shall see =)

***

Shoot straight and have faith
that you're prayers are heard
And when you give a handshake,
make no mistake
you're giving your word
you'll probably get it wrong way
before you get it right
without the lows you don't appreciate the highs
You might just have one chance to get it right
These are the facts of life


||:PreCiouS:||
8/16/2004 06:43:00 AM
||||


Sunday, August 15, 2004

Running away...

i so feel like running away rite now. To another place, another life, another me... somehow i feel like i NEED to get away from everything.... EVERYTHING... i wanna go somewhere where i'm a total unknown (like i'm "known" rite now wahaha), somewhere that is different, somewhere i can totally get lost in and really be living life...

cause i'm getting tired, i'm getting tired of the endless routine that i have to put up with in school, i'm tired of the constant worrying and thoughts that go thru my head day in and day out, i'm sick and tired of being the responsible one and getting stepped on, i'm sick and tired of myself physically for not being able to do things that i wanna do and falling sick almost every week, i'm tired of feeling empty and alone all the time, i'm tired of the constant pain that i feel in my heart, i'm tired of putting up a brave front all the time and having to stay strong, i'm tired of trying to please ppl all the time and having to put off and sacrifice what i wanna do, i'm tired of constantly being hurt by ppl i care abt, i'm tired of thinking of what other ppl might think...
and with all this i begin to think who am i as a person...
do i even deserve the life i'm living now when there other ppl worse off then me...
wondered if i ever made a difference...
if i even deserve God's blessings cause i havent done anything that He can be proud of...

i'm just so so tired...

i'm so sorry...


***

if your heart's not in it for real
please dont try to fake what you dont feel
if the love's already gone
its not fair to lead me on
cause i would've give the whole world for you
anything you asked of me i'd do
but i wont ask you to stay
i'd rather walk away
if your heart's not in it...

||:PreCiouS:||
8/15/2004 12:33:00 AM
||||


Friday, August 13, 2004

When someone invades your mind
every waking second
every single day
when you first wake up in the morning
before you go to sleep at night
what do you do?
how do you stop?
can you actually stop it?
to not say a word
to pretend that the feelings are not there
to not acknowledge the feelings at all
to understand that you arent good enough for the person
to just be contented at a glimpse of tat person
when will it all end?
when you understand its not just a phase
but you are still confused at the end...

***

Angels

I sit and wait does an angel contemplate my fate

and do they know the places
Where we go when we're grey and old
'cos I've been told that salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed thoughts running through my head
And i feel that love is dead I'm loving angels instead

And through it all he offers me protection

a lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong

and down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me

I know that life won't break me
When I come to call

he won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down a one way street

I look above and I know I'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows He breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead


||:PreCiouS:||
8/13/2004 11:57:00 PM
||||


Historical day today.. well actually yesterday.. yupyup...

Mr Lee Hsien Loong finally got sworn in as the new Prime Minister, reshuffling of cabinet members... so now for PM Mr Goh Chok Tong is Senior Minister and believe it or not former SM Mr Lee Kuan Yew is now Minister Mentor or something like tat hehe...
Wishing all the best to the new PM, wonder wat kind of leader he's gonna be like, i know his leadership style is gonna be totally diff frm GCT, but we shall see, cant imagine him now giving speeches and such, so used to GCT hehe...

well finally went to watch 'The Village' today with melly and naddy. Naddy got tricked, again i might add... sttrriikke 3.. hehe.... tsktsk....
but then the movie aint all tat bad right naddy? *smileZ*

the movie really had a wonderful plot but i found the ending sucky hehe...
ivy and lucius's love is really touching, i mean how can u find a gal with guts driven by love like her and a caring guy like him... sigh... anyways i dont understand dat noah.. is he just plain insane or just plain crazie? wat the diff rite? hehe... oh yea highlight of the show was when me and nad laugh out lout at the part where ivy's sis proclaimed her love to lucius wahaha... i almost died wahaha... anyways.. those who havent catch it shld, i didnt give out the story did i? hehe.. if i did then... erm opps wahaha....

well after catching this movie i'm officially broke... so just water cooler for me for the nxt few days thx =)
nxt movie still on my list is the notebook... but why do i get this feeling i'm not gonna be able to catch tat one.. hmmz... =P

haiz should be doing contract now... its giving me a huge headache... still thinking whether to use time lapse or not, the two cases i have is so not helping.... seriously contract is totally on our own, no resource seminars, no nothing... i wonder wat the tutors are paid to do... hmmz... no i shall not go into dat, i know where i stand hehz...

should seriously finish this up, my ppt is not working so i'll just do my draft on paper first and transfer it tmr in sch... mtg in the morning again...
i swear this sem i'm like the 'star karat' of the grp wahaha.. always late... the grp is gonna kill me one of these days and i can understand haiz... really trying my best to not be late.. maybe my best aint my best so gonna try harder with the time i have left...

i think its time to clear my dad's working cabinet.. i need the space to put my stuff...
my sis all have their own special cabinets/cupboard to put in their sch stuff and whatever stuff they may have while i am using my wardrobe to store my sch books and stuff, so my books, stuff and clothes are conveniently crammed together, the things i put up with as the older sis... haiz... and did i mention i do my sch work on the floor? yep on the floor and they have their own table... great... i have no idea why the heck i'm complaining when i have no right to... nvm....

okie shld really get back to contract now...
oh yea happy friday the 13th!

salute =)

||:PreCiouS:||
8/13/2004 01:03:00 AM
||||


Thursday, August 12, 2004

Boredom

yes it has led me to this...






wahaha.. yesyes i'm bored...
you know what... i'm getting bored with my hair already.. again... haiz...
nevermind i shall be patient and let it grow again hehe...
=D

||:PreCiouS:||
8/12/2004 04:26:00 PM
||||


PICs!!

some pics frm my cam uploaded alredie! yay! here's some of the pics...


finally a grp pic =)



and another


err.. no comments hehe...

anyways below for more =D
cLicK mE!


||:PreCiouS:||
8/12/2004 03:14:00 PM
||||


i'm having one of those days when i have alot of things in mind but dont know where to start...
having this irritating headache that wont seem to go away... haiz... still contemplating if i should go to school today so i can get some work done, cause you see i'm still at home, on my bed, getting irritated by the construction work downstairs, and this guy who i met thru msn who just wont give up trying to get me to catch a movie with him... some ppl just cant take a hint lehz argh...

got fed up with some peeps frm my former ite class... i'm always the last to know mostly about everything and when i finally found out they ask why did i miss it when wasnt informed in the first place! argh! seriously.. nvm i shall ignore... why should i bother rite??? but then i care thats why argh.. can somebody just replace my heart with stone so i wont be bothered with such things bleargh

well awi's performing at Fez Bar today and nxt thurs 10pm onwards feat. pug jelly and jamie gibbins and i really wanna go cause...

1) awi is a great musician,
2) support local music,
3) he's a fellow suigeneiran of couse must support him
4) pug jelly is gonna be there.....

but..

yes there's a but...

who in the world would go with me? and i have a early morning contract mtg tmr and have yet to finish up my powerpt slides.. haiz... priorities first i say =) but to those interested in good live music you guys should come down, have a listen, you wont be dissapointed =D

Its 2omins to 3pm and i'm still in bed, argh i'm just having a lazie day today, havent done this in a long while, just lemme indulge myself for once wahaha...

and i wonder who reads my blog everyday, my life tat interesting meh? i'm just curious as to why ppl read this... to find out who i really am? to kill time? to be kept informed on wat goes on in my life? i donno.. u tell me.. really tell me, i'm curious =)
for me i blog cause it keeps me sane haha... helps me reflect and put my thoughts into sequence, and cause i usually bottle up my feelings this is one of the outlets that i can destress, well even tho i still bottle up my feelings but not tat much hehe... on the days that u see me stoning well it actually says something... not sure if you get wat i mean.. haha...

cant believe its thursday already... sigh...

mum suggested to go to tat place today to see the supervisor.. yea i havent been back there for quite awhile with me falling sick and everything, and yea they dont know that cause i dont bother to tell them, let them come up with their own idea that i purposely dont want to go back there, if only they knew, but then their mind set is already not to trust any residents so might as well let them think watever they wanna think, i couldnt care less afterall i know some of them who'll be happy to be rid of me but then the supervisor just wont let go.. haiz... she even suggested some compromize which i have yet to agree on...
anyways back at the homefront things are not that great either.. have yet to talk to any of my siblings, i purposely come home late to avoid any contact with them and i'll go straight to my room, i think they are much happier this way, cause i'll be out of their hair, they're much happier without me i think, they always were, with them always telling me to go back there whenever i'm home fine i get the hint... unwanted as usual...

with things like this happening no wonder i'm alone, must be my character flaw i guess, destined to be alone....

||:PreCiouS:||
8/12/2004 12:48:00 PM
||||


Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Have i ever mentioned that i wanna go watch the notebook? if i havent well i'm saying it now hehe... read the book before and it was superb, of course i wanna watch the movie duh hehe... anyone up for a romance movie??? lemme know ya so can watch together hehe...

Well basically today was a good day except for this evening at home... one of the reasons why i should get my own apartment in the future... the house is gonna explode one of these days i tell ya... anyways lets not talk abt depressing stuff...

well tmr mx is bringing a grp of us to the arts museum for the wunderland thingy... get some arts exposure... tralala...

argh i'm eyes getting droopier by the min...
need some shut eye...

till then
salute

||:PreCiouS:||
8/11/2004 01:28:00 AM
||||


Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I think i'll win hands down the worst daughter and sister award of the year...

somehow whenever i'm with my family i'm a totally diff person...
i get angry easily... i become short tempered... somehow i become the person everyone loves to hate... sometimes a speck of wat probably could be nothing be blown out of proportion...

here i am infront of the comp trying to figure out what kind of person i am... goin thru a guilt trip, not allowing myself to sleep...

i dont wanna be this person they see me as...
it hurts so bloody much to see it in their eyes,
to get such a reaction from them...

maybe that's why i'm not always at home
maybe that's why i always come home late
to distance myself... to not hurt them anymore...

||:PreCiouS:||
8/10/2004 10:18:00 PM
||||


Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway


||:PreCiouS:||
8/10/2004 02:56:00 PM
||||


Monday, August 09, 2004

Random Thoughts

Cant believe i turned down free tix to Hoobastank's concert 5 times!!..argh..

well for a very gd reason of course duh

for the very fact i do not know the guy at all =P
better be safe then sorry

anyways...

not only was i the only one sick but kabby and melly too.. altho their fever was higher then mine... heard they've fully recovered, really glad to hear tat =) well as for me, well my appetite hv yet to go back to normal and this irritating cough tat i have has yet to go away... have yet to see the doctor since my fever started hehe...

***

well on saturday went to mei's chalet to help out like i promised altho i had to sit down like every few minutes cause i kept feeling breathless, still in the process of recovering i reckon =) well her bdae party went on smoothly in my opinion, except for the unnecessary stress that mei puts on herself... sigh... but actually if i myself were to organise an event i'll be stressed out too, wanting everything to be perfect...
but i recently learnt that things happen, and nothing is ever as perfect as you want it to be... solution is to go with the flow haha... glad i learnt that lesson... have yet to really test it out hehe...
have some crazie photos from the event, will upload it soon... =)

was watching 'two weeks notice' at the chalet, the one with sandra bullock and hugh grant in it, yea tats the one.. and you know wat?

something just struck me...

that somehow...

i would probably end up like sandra bullock's character without the happy ending...

haha... yeap crazie i know...

but you know how i came up with that?

cause you see, when i was contemplating on seeing myself in the legal industry, i told myself that if ever it came to that i would work at legal aid cause i wanted to help the less fortunate ppl...
and i'm also one who drowns herself in work and live on takeaways and fast food cause if not i'll starve, especially for dinner cause i'm always in school till late and there's usually no food when i come home....

so somehow or rather i saw a connection there haha... you'll understand if you've watch the movie... if you dont get it nvm.. =P

***

Well National's Day today... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE! =)
err as usualy i feel asleep in the middle of the NDP haha....
haiz... imagine me a Singaporean, never really been in the National Stadium and neither have i actually watched the NDP LIVE at the stadium... sigh...
and i wonder why i even bother submitting my name for the NDP tix poll... like i'll ever get the tix haha....

oh yea in PM Mr Goh Chok Tong's Final National Day Speech he mentioned that he would have never imagined himself becoming the Prime Minister of Singapore, but look at him now after 14 years of service.. i guess at the back of our minds we all have the same thinking...
we can never imagine being someone important, someone great...

but in actual fact we can...

if we only believe in ourselves, are willing to learn and most importantly have the right attitude... we are who we choose to become...

anyways really gonna miss that ol' guy when he steps down...

***

The much awaited Singapore Idols premiered on air today, and i gotta admit it kinda left a bland taste in my mouth, metaphorically speaking of course hehe...
i hope the next few episodes gets better cause seriously i gotta agree with melly cause the show really felt like the producers didnt put much effort into it and i didnt feel the energy/enthusiasm that i felt when watching ryan seacreast as compared to gurmit singh... hmmz... and some who got thru.. well... melly can beat them hands down.. donno wat the judges were saying when they said you looked too young.. hmm.. but then again maybe you do look younger then your age... i donno... but then again what has that gotta do with singing =P

***

well the law student advisors have switched hands.. it is now Mr Looi and Mr Mat... i wonder how everything is gonna turn out.. they are soooo totaly diff frm Ms Ng & Mr Fj hmzz... the best of luck to them =) and my sincere thank you and applause to Ms Ng & Mr Fj for all they have done as student advisors cause without them things wouldnt have happened and i'm grateful for the help they have given me when i was goin thru a rough patch =)

whatelse whatelse....

hmm cant think of anything else right now.. all i can think of is contract mtg tmr hehe...
well like always i took extremely long just to write this entry and its now 0230hrs haha... call it multi tasking =P
anyways i think i better go and sleep now =P

well till then

salute =)

||:PreCiouS:||
8/09/2004 10:47:00 PM
||||


Saturday, August 07, 2004

perjalanan masih jauh,
harus kau tempuh,
ku disini memerhati,
tanpa rasa sangsi,

jangan gentar
ada sabar, semat dijiwa,
ku disini mendampingi,
agar kau mengerti

berlarilah kau berlari
terbannglah dikau terbang tinggi
bumi yang kau jejaki
janganlah dikau lupai

andai ku capai,si pelangi
akan ku serahkan padamu
agar dapat kau mewarnai
seluruh hidup nanti...
yang hitam harus dijauhi
jangan disimpan dalam hati
putihkan jiwamu dengan kasih suci,,,

kuterima dirimu dengan seadanya
dalam suka dalam duka
kau tetap cahaya

ku bersyukur pada yang esa
punya segala-galanya
sederhana tapi yang sempurna


||:PreCiouS:||
8/07/2004 06:13:00 AM
||||


Its 5am in the morning... and i've been awake since 3.45... hmmz...
cant seem to get back to sleep haiz..
so i decided to blog with no agenda whatsover... i dont even know why i'm typing this down in the first place... another senseless entry =P so decided to do some quizzes...


Wolf
Wolf ~ Wolves are also regarded as path finders
and teachers. Wolf is represented by the
constellation Sirius, the Dog.
In the Zuni tradition the Wolf symbolizes the
direction East.
Wolf's Wisdom Includes:

Facing the end of one's cycle with dignity and
courage

Death and rebirth

Spirit teaching

Guidance in dreams and meditations

Instinct linked with intelligence

Social and familial values

Outwitting enemies

Loyalty

Steadfastness

perseverance

Taking advantage of change

If you enjoy this quiz please rate, and I may do
some more!


Animal Spirit Guides ~ Which One Calls To You?
brought to you by Quizilla


nikizah, you're divinely inspired when it comes to Music And The Arts!
music

You've got a lust for life and a rich imagination that just can't survive without a little music, art, and creativity! Whether you're heading out to hear a band, watch a play, attend an art exhibit, or just flipping through books or cds in your room, you get inspired by, well, the inspiration of others!It's clear that you're curious about the world around you, and that you satisfy your thirst for new experiences by staying open to all sorts of interesting, new ideas and creative story lines. You, more than others, believe that life really does imitate art. So you might as well make it a masterpiece wherever you go.




nikizah, when it comes to love or money, you're a Hopeless Romantic

hopeless romantic


For richer? For poorer? It doesn't matter to you because you're the Hopeless Romantic. Whether your sweetie is an oil baron or a grease monkey, it's all about until death do us part.

Even if you haven't met "the one," you'll judge your soul mate by the love letters, roses, and foot massages — not the size of their bankroll. And even if their wallet is as fat as their sonnet collection, the toughest part of your relationship will be arguing over which charity to choose, who loves whom more, and who's the bigger Schmoopie. And if that diamond ring turns brass, no biggie — your love is totally not-for-profit.


||:PreCiouS:||
8/07/2004 05:02:00 AM
||||


my mum always used to say that i'm the kind of person who learns something fast and get easily bored with it.. well it must be true when a stranger says the same thing just by examining a strand of your hair.. haha...
tho i must agree cause i get tired of routine easily hehe...

ok so why am i blogging at this hour when i'm sick....

well simple reason being because i'm BORED!!! and i'm not suppose to be at home argh.. i really wanted to go to mei's chalet today.. and i had to miss today's contract mtg.. haiz...

since i'm extremely bored to death, decided to do this questionnaire thingys from friendster...

1) Name: Azizah
2) Gender: Female
3) Birthday: 23rd Nov 1984
4) Sign: Saggitarius
5) Siblings: all younger, 3 guys 2 gals
6) Shoe size: depends on the shoe.. sometimes its 8/9...

*-;-* T h e E x t r a S t u f f *-;-*

1) Have you ever smoked: nope, totally against the idea of it...

2) What kind of shampoo do you use: pantene

3) What are you most scared of: currently hospitals, any machines that make a sound like those hospital equipments...

4) What are you listening to right now: Without you by kimberly locke feat clay aiken


5) What vehicle do you wish to have: a SUV

6) Who was the last person who called u: Tania

7) Where do you want to get married: somewhere magical? well actually as long i'm with him anywhere is fine...

8) How many msn buddies do you have right now:
err... a lot.. more then 100?


9)if could change one thing about yourself,
what would it be?: stop falling sick...

*-;- *F a v o u r i t e s *-;-*

1) Colour: red,black,white
2) Food: pizza with extra cheese! yumyum
3) Guy's names: somehow i like the name rafeal, donno why tho hehe...
4) Girl's names: Adrienne
5) Animal: grey wolf

6) Games: time crisis

*Ha v e Y o u E v e r*

1) Given anyone a bath?: yup.. when my bro was still a baby hehe
2) Done something stupid before you sleep at
night?: i have no idea...
3) Broken the law: none that i noe of..
4) Made yourself throw up?: y would i do that???
5) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? err nope...

* F i r s t T h i n g T h a t C o m e s T o
M i n d*
1) Red: passion/rage
2) Cow: milk
3) Socks: stinky =P
4) Greenland: reminds me of ireland...

* ~ F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s ~ *

1) Do you like filling these out?: well not really but just freakin bored so might as well
2) How many people are you sending this
to?: its on my blog so anyone can view this...

3) Who will send it back?: no one i guess.. i mean send back where???
4) Gold or Silver?: silver..
5) What is the last movie you saw?: err.. spiderman2 been awhile since i caught the latest movies
6) Favourite cartoon characters?: currently no favourites.. i just watch any cartoon tt is on
7) What do you have for breakfast in the
morning: usually nothing.. no time to eat
breakfast le.. but on the rare occasion i have time then pancakes! hehe
8) Who would you hate being locked in a room
alone with?: hmm.. i'll let you know once it happens to me...
9) How long did you take to write this: i have no freakin idea =)


||:PreCiouS:||
8/07/2004 12:06:00 AM
||||


Friday, August 06, 2004

suppose to be at mei's chalet helping out.. but like i predicted in my previous entry i fell sick...
at one point of the night my temp reached 38.9... scared the hell outta me, my brain felt like it was being cooked and to add to that i was shivering... everyone was busy at home and i wanted to call someone... four peeps came to mind but then i decided against it, oh and they are not the ppl u'd expect...haiz...
so i've been stuck at home the whole day, rotting and hungry... everything i eat tastes different bleargh.. really hope i'll get better tmr so i'll be able to come down to mei's chalet...
i

||:PreCiouS:||
8/06/2004 08:09:00 PM
||||


Thursday, August 05, 2004

This is getting ridicules... haiz...

you know why??

because...

my msn nick is currently...

nikizah - E' questo amore che ho per te che mi fa superare queste vere tempeste

and there are some peeps who are trying to translate it...
and the thing that they all have in common is they think that the word e'questo means quest.. haha..

so what does the phrase mean?

nah not gonna tell you... then not fun already wahaha...

so if you're the "i need to know" kind of person.. well... you can find it out yourself =P


argh i think i'm falling sick again.. great...

||:PreCiouS:||
8/05/2004 11:59:00 AM
||||


somehow i had fun today... well wouldnt exactly be called fun but then lets call it a day to remember lah haha...
well went to sch in the morning for crim pro mtg, was totally sleepy throughout the whole mtg but managed to keep my brains awake haha...
hanged out with tania at the lab while waiting for marcus after tat... we then decided to catch a movie but as usual plans change so all of us incl. candy, peiming & juliana ended up at clarke quay haha.. well i initially i didnt want to go cause i was tired but then wat the heck i need some fresh air anyways haha...
wont go into detail abt wat we did and stuff but we round off the day at the merlion park, basically chatting haha...

well somebody mentioned to me something interesting today... the person said i dont sound/seem like myself these days...
hmm...
so what do i normally sound/seem like??

maybe the person is right... i donno...
just so much things in my mind rite now... if only i could drown it all argh... nvm i shall persevere... hmm...

will be in sch again tmr... in the morning... argh... now when am i gonna get a chance to wake up LATE??? haiz... have some feedback thingy tmr that i have no idea concerning wat...
well gotta do contract and run a few errands anyways... bah...

oh and something funny/fishy is going on... i'm hearing love songs wherever i go/am.. and no its not my discman...
first it was...
without you by clay aiken & kimberly locke i heard it in the lab yesterday,
then before i fell asleep it was
this i promise you by nsync,
then today at the lab was the song
too serious too soon by gareth gates,
then at the bridge behind merlion park just now was
right here waiting for you by richard marx
and then just now i finally received the song that i've been serching for but keep failing to get which is...
fixing a broken heart by indecent obsession... hmmz...
its either a sign or maybe its just my wild imagination haha...

i think i've been blogging to much... dont u think so? i'm bloggin almost everyday haha... i'll just continue wat i'm doing for now and TRY not to blog tat often haha...

********


Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
...


||:PreCiouS:||
8/05/2004 01:12:00 AM
||||


Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Exhausted

Did i mention i hate theory??? if not here i am mentioning it.. i HATE theory!!! pls explain something to me, why stress on something that yes you may need to know but your employer wont ask you about??? Maybe some kiasu employer will.. but still.. haiz...
just needed to get that off my chest wahaha...

anyways...

okie i got side tracked.. its now 11.46pm! can u believe it? take a look at my sign off time haha... big diff hehe...
suddenly got no mood to continue my original purpose of blogging... i'm just so damn exhausted but i need to complete my memo for camp twinkle...

after accts paper which ended at 10am i had to wait for my next paper which was at 6pm! 8 whole hours of waiting! well spent half of my time at macs with naddy,kabby and melly and the other half at the lab thinking of the camp's prog and editing the camp memo...

well the event mgmt paper was a surprise, totally diff frm expected... completed the paper in 40mins and i actually went straight home... was looking at the washrm mirror before i went off and i gotta admit i look veryvery tired, my left eye was red, i looked like i went thru a hurricane wahaha... yea... wat kabby said came to mind... i looked better in yr 1 haha... must be the stress hehz

its midnight on the clock now and it feels like its already 2am... i need SLEEP! and i have crim pro mtg at 9am tmr! argh! at this point of time i really wished that i have 2 of me so i can do double the work at the same amt of time haha... and i'm hungry too! havent had dinner yet... haiz... i feel like i'm totally screwed this sem... everything going bonkers... i'm tired both mentally and physically.. family having probs... argh... my head hurts...

argh gonna go to the kitchen and see wat is edible haha... if i'm lucky there is instant noodle somewhere...

*******************
**************
**********

Long Day

It's sitting by the overcoat,
The second shelf, the note she wrote
That I can't bring myself to throw away
And also
Reach she said for no one else but you,
Cuz you won't turn away
When someone else is gone

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

[chorus]

Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me

It's been a long day, always ain't that right
And no Lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right

Well I'm surprised that you'd believe
In any thing that comes from me
I didn't hear from you or from someone else
And you're so
Set in life man, a pisser they're waiting
Too damn bad you get so far so fast
So what, so long

(chorus)

It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

[chorus]

||:PreCiouS:||
8/03/2004 09:50:00 PM
||||


Monday, August 02, 2004

Another day

well.. tmr's the much awaited accts test haha.. bring it on man wahaha... i should actually be studying rite now but honest to god i donno what to study hehe... accts totally make sense compared to maths! hurhur =P well helped to teach 2 peeps accts today, and like they say when you teach someone it actually helps u remember better haha...

well before i went off to school today i was partially cleaning "my" room (no i'm not anywhere near done to finish cleaning it =P) i came across my dad's ol' slide projector, you know the ones that u convert ur photos into those small slides?

ya tat one...

its been a long time since i actually used that projector so i decided to explore it... and came across of alot of ol' pics... and well.. some pics are of memories that i've forgotten... i know its bad to look at back at the past.. but then.. i was curious... i took out the whole box of slides that dad had kept in the upper cabinet that he used (yes i havent cleared his stuff yet after all this years...) and i realised how he actually treasure this projector of his...

i guess i really miss him...
after all this years... as i look back at all his pics i tried to think of all the memories i had of him... and i came to a conclusion that... even tho i know his traits and stuff... i really dont know him... i didnt get a chance to...
i wonder how life would have been if he was still here... a lot of things would have been different... but like they say, things happen for a reason...

someone used the word 'strong' today when they found out bout my family backgrd... and somehow... i donno how to describe the feeling... i felt like that justice wasnt done to the word... cause somehow i feel like i'm not that 'strong'... i'm not strong all the time... i have my weak days too...

woke up today staring at the ceiling... and first thing came into mind was trying to answer this question... "why am i a quiet person?"

haha.. yup.. strange rite.. early in the morning... haiz...

anyways came to this conclusion...
i am quiet because i learn to speak when only necessary.
Cause sometimes when i feel like sharing something personal with some peeps, their face will go "what is this girl talking abt? why is she telling us all this?" and if i stand up to go somewhere for awhile they would laugh it off thinking i did not notice... which hurts... so i learnt to keep quiet...
i keep quiet because i'm not sure if my thoughts are worth hearing...
i keep quiet because i would rather listen...
i keep quiet because the noisiest person that u know talks 90% crap and 10% facts.. well the percentage can vary...

so yea...

hmmz...

the backgrd music in the sch lib is making me depressed.. lol..

well till then..

salute...

||:PreCiouS:||
8/02/2004 07:36:00 PM
||||


Sunday, August 01, 2004

should have known...
should have guessed...
i guess i've known it all along...
just refused to see the possiblity...
blame it on myself...
but what can i do
i'm powerless...


Il mondo gira con me questa notte
Piccoli passi che faccio con te
Seguo il tuo cuore e seguo la luna
Cosi' nascosta lontana da me
Il mondo gira con noi questa notte
Ahhhh, esistesse lontano da qui

Un posto dove scoprire il mio cuore
Sapere se lui puo' amare ti o no

E girera e girera
Il cuore mio assieme a te
E girera il la terra
Girera la mia vita
E un giorno lui si si caprira

Sei tu che giri con me questa notte
Sei tu che giri lontana da qui
Ma si io so che tu sei la mia luna
Qualcosa mostri qualcosa no

Ci sono strade azzurre nel cielo
Ci sono occhi e il cielo e gia li

Si questo credo cesiano le stelle
Ahhh, se potessi fermarmi cosi'

E girera e girera
Il cuore mio lontan da te
E girera il la terra
Girera la mio vita
E un giorno lui si si caprira

Cuore e gia lontano
Si tu sei la luna
Potessi scoprirlo nel cielo

E girera e girera
Si girera il cuore mio
Girera il la terra
Girera la mia vita
Un giorno lui si si caprira
Un giorno lui si ti caprira

||:PreCiouS:||
8/01/2004 01:05:00 AM
||||


.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.

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::jaslyn ::jasmine ::jay::
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::matsie ::melvo ::marco::
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::mrbrown ::nadz ::naz::
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