Thursday, September 02, 2004

A Soulful Relationship

An African proverb states, "Before you get
married, keep both eyes open, and after you
marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment
to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-
esteem, make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that
you can change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over
time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves,
and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to
grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one
eye and not let every little thing bother you. You
and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses,
and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who
have decided to share a life together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best in each
other? Do you compliment and compromise with
each other, or do you compete, compare, and
control? What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her. You can't make someone love you or make
someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find
yourself making someone else responsible for
your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, con! trol, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking
status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor,
sharing household tasks, some getaway time
without business or children and daily exchanges
(a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a
note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or
send a nice email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together, not away from each
other, giving each other space to grow without
feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside
interest. You can't always be together. Give each
other a sense of belonging and assurances of
commitment. Don't try to control one another.

Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or
her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material
goods. Remember for richer --or for poorer. If
these qualities are missing, the relationship will
erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect,
dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is
where you put the i.

||:PreCiouS:||
9/02/2004 11:49:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.