Sunday, November 28, 2004
i'm running away...
and will be MIA...
not sure when i will be back...
efforts to contact me through land lines will be futile...
unless i can access the worldwideweb...
well.. you guys take care...
till i see you next
salute =)
||:PreCiouS:||
11/28/2004 01:19:00 AM
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This is a tribute to the nice guys.
The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honour of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honour of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honour of the guys who respect a girls every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once theyre at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow dont end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldnt worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didnt have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing serious between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: oh, but were just friends! And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.
The nice guys dont often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys dont seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I cant. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as oh, hes too nice to date or he would be a good boyfriend but hes not for me or he already puts up with so much from me, I couldnt possibly ask him out! or the most frustrating of all: no, it would ruin our friendship. Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I cant figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (Im going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesnt last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know youre sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
||:PreCiouS:||
11/28/2004 01:00:00 AM
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Friday, November 26, 2004
i seriously need to get my hand on a working camera.
i need to shoot.
i'm really missing it
i look at the evening sky
i look at all the pictures i've taken
and i feel a dreadful longing
i wanna do the one thing i love
i wanna do the one thing that makes me happy
i wanna do the one thing that makes me feels accomplished
i wanna be with nature again
but first i need a working camera...
sigh...
||:PreCiouS:||
11/26/2004 01:59:00 AM
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Thursday, November 25, 2004
geez if whatever yesterday wasnt enough, i had to get the bad case of food poisoning today. God really has a funny sense of humor, and i aint laughing.
Bought a birthday present for myself today. Ha pathethic i know, but what to do? That's how pathetic my life is right now. Why wait for people to give you something when you can do it yourself? I'll be old and dying if i keep on waiting.
Perks of being single. no waiting, its just me and the world.
oh and did i ever mention how i hate it when people keep giving me these strange looks whenever i mention that i DO eat at fastfoods or watch a movie at a cinema ALONE?
what the hell is wrong with that???
by the time i wait for someone to actually accompany me i'll either 1) die of starvation 2) miss the movie and wait for 2 years for it to be shown on tv 3) miss out on wonderful things that i can actually do ALONE but too scared to even try it out ALONE
sheesh
okie enough venting
my stomach is hurting again
salute
I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms
And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want
Me to be
||:PreCiouS:||
11/25/2004 01:30:00 AM
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004
This song is so appropriate at this moment.. well if i'm being a bitch that is... but then its only a song and not my words, but heck its words are pretty song, but then again i'm nice and i dont hold grudges, only that my karma sucks...
que sera sera what ever will be will be..
Thank You
I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could become between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,
We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back
Yeah!
I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back
When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back
||:PreCiouS:||
11/24/2004 01:45:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Honestly i dont know whether to just laugh it off, cry or get angry. It had to happen on my birthday. geez. and to think i was about to break down part of my self built walls...
Life has its funny ways of working sometimes. seriously. I am totally clueless on what to do now.
what do you do if you found out that people actually make excuses as not to see you?
what do you do if you found out that people actually find your companionship a bore, even though you regard each other as friends?
what do you do when you found out that your intuition was correct all along and that people have been laughing at you and you were correct at what they thought of you all along?
what do you do when you found out that all these people are your friends?
what do you do?
do i consider myself a failure? am i not worth anyone's friendship? does being friends with a person means having to restrict yourself to a certain mould? Why cant i be accepted as who i am?
heck i'm not perfect, i cant be what people expect me to be but hell i'm gutted. My heart breaks as i'm typing all this down.
i didnt know that keeping friendships were damn hard. Trying to make everyone happy, trying to make people accept me but in the end having all the efforts go down the drain when you find out the truth.
so where do i stand now? so where do i stand now?????
i know something like this will happen... it always happen. I hate birthdays. i dont even know what i am crying for? it just hurts so much. I guess this is how my life is suppose to be. dissapointments and heart breaks.
I'm just so bloody tired, my heart and my head is begging for a time out..
maybe i'm meant to be alone. things dont happen over and over again and not mean something...
how do i go on from here?
there's so much i wanna do, there's so much i wanna change but how can i? every attempt that i do i get bogged down by factors i cant control, am i not meant to do the things i wanna do? am i not meant to do the things i want to help out with?
maybe god made a mistake bringing me into this world.
If only i could make a difference...
so much for a "happy" birthday...
||:PreCiouS:||
11/23/2004 11:38:00 PM
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Friday, November 19, 2004
Currently in campus right now waiting for the clock to strike one before i go back out into the hot sun to meet jas who is holding my thumbdrive... hmmz..
woke up this morning to find the malay newspaper, Berita Harian, being held infront my face... why? cause i was on the front page together with my other siblings.. haiz... publicity i dont need, what's the article about, go and buy yourself a copy i wont say anything here...
(i think its online too you can search it for yourself too i wont put a link here)
honestly i look awful, unrecognizable i might add nvm those who dont know me wont even recognize me on the streets, good.
anways been finding it hard to fall asleep lately, would find myself wide awake at 2 -3am in the morning, and this is definitely not helping the eyebags and dark rings around my eyes *bleargh* i'm starting to look like a panda wahaha.. or perhaps like someone just punched me in the eye hahz...
plans getting screwed up, but heck what's new, when you want something done and passionate about it, you have to bear with the other things that goes along with it...
4 more days or is it 3? (depends on how you count) till i turn 2 decades old... yes melly i'm 2 decades old bah and no it does not mean i'm old =P
nothing much to celebrate i suppose since its nothing compared to turning 21 haha... anyways what's there to celebrate just like any other day only that it happens to be the date i was born 20 years ago....
20 years... wow... how time flies... i can still picture myself back in my secondary school days... erm scrap that, all the bad memories *shudders*, maybe ITE, more recent i suppose =)
now what in those 20 years have i done that i could be proud of?
hmm maybe minor things... but maybe the most significant one is getting from ITE to poly.. but then some people might say its not a big deal... hmm...
i donno its to each his own i guess... and maybe also for me having gone thru various major operations and living with what i have.. that was a challenge itself...
i wonder how long more would i ever get to.. well.. live to actually see myself turning a certain age? Would i still be around to turn 25? 30? or at most 40? we can never be certain about these things, heck i could even be gone even before i actually turn 20 haha...
may not be a laughing matter to some but all i can do is just laugh it off.. am i scared? hell who isnt but maybe i'm not as scared as i was before... everything is in god's hands, all i can do is to take each day as it comes =)
Singapore Idol results today, i do hope Taufik would make it to the final two. An awsome singer from the start, totally have faith in him. not to mention his humbleness, totally like that =)
And Sly should leave... in dick's words he is geting "worserer and worserer" haha... and oli.. well... she is a good singer, there's no denying that but she's easily forgetable....
alrite its 1 now got to get going...
oh yea to Budak Pantai, thanks for tagging! yes i do celebrate Hari Raya but i wouldnt have missed your concert for anything, wonderful concert, totally enjoyed myself =)
mx thanks for responding, is it possible for me to borrow your software? i'm working on a photography project... get back to me when you can, thanks =)
salute
||:PreCiouS:||
11/19/2004 01:24:00 PM
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Tuesday, November 16, 2004
PEACE CONCERT 2004
(Nov 19)
Pug Jelly, Rafe,
Ronin...etc...
To EVERYONE out there, Musicians or
non-musicians alike...
The Singapore American School will be hosting its
annual PEACE CONCERT of 2004 on November
19th!
(This event is held yearly in an effort to assist
different
charitable organizations around the world-with
this year's
focus on fighting global illiteracy)
Come enjoy a great festival of fun, food and great
music!
Here are the bands: (in order of schedule)
Set For Glory
Futon
Parousia
Ronin
Pug Jelly
Carillon
Mistral
Rafe
Tickled Pink
Date: November 19th 2004
Time: 6pm-11pm
Price: $10 admission (Tickets are on sale at the
door)
Venue:
The Singapore American School-Stadium Field
40 Woodlands Street 41
Singapore (738547)
(5-10 minute walk from Marsiling MRT
Buses: 912)
Food,drinks, merchandise, t-shirts, cd's and many
more
will be on sale!
*This is an alcohol, cigarette and substance free
concert.
So, what are you waiting for? Mark November 19
on your
calendar now!
This is a concert that you simply cannot afford to
miss!
If you have any questions, please email
stogi87@hotmail.com!" (Concert organiser)
(I wish i was going but i already promised someone that i would be somewhere else... but if you guys are free i hope you guys will take the time to go and support a good cause! salute! =) )
||:PreCiouS:||
11/16/2004 06:27:00 PM
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Monday, November 15, 2004
First off i would like to wish all my Muslim friends...
SeLaMat HaRi RaYa AidiLfiTri
Maaf Zahir dan Batin
Secondly i wanna specially thank yimei and alvin for advance birthday present.. which was tix to the budak pantai's 10th anniversary concert last saturday!
THANK YOU so much guys! The concert was totally awesome!
i also went to awi's gig at the third place on friday together with sinthu, her sis, mei and alvin... awi's band, RAFE, was performing together with two other bands. It was then that i found out that RAFE won power 98's power jam and won a recording contract with Universal. Totally awesome. Looks like awi's dreams are finally coming true!
As i was thinking about it i started thinking about my dreams and i began thinking how i lost mine... i couldnt seem to remember what was my dreams.. and i suddenly felt lost... how could i, a person who worked so hard to get where i am today lose my vision on where i want to go and lose my dreams along the way?
i just couldnt see my goals as clear as it was before... and i was upset with meself... am i in a useless position right now that i'm not even clear of what my goals and dreams are... hell what am i doing in law in the first place?
Have i ever wanted to pratice law? man it has never even crossed my mind till i started this course... *sigh*
then on saturday, on my way to budak pantai's concert, as we were walking at the underpass at citylink mall, i noticed the photograph exhibitions and it came back to me on how i really loved photography... maybe somehow the reason i forgot about it was because i've stopped practising it due to my lack of resources.. i dont have my own camera neither do i have any photography software.... i realised how i missed photography so much... maybe when i have the resources, maybe after i've started working and earned enough maybe then i can afford to pursue my dreams and for now it would only remain as a dream cause currently the prices of cameras nowadays are making me bulk... heck that amount of money equals to a total of 10 weeks of pocket money maybe 12... *sigh*
||:PreCiouS:||
11/15/2004 05:54:00 PM
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Thursday, November 11, 2004
hmmz... just realised there's something wrong with my shoutbox and i cant seem to fix it.. damn... anyways if you suddenly have an urge to comment which often people rarely do cause i think they are afraid to let their comments be heard *rolls eyes* feel free to click the comment button located below every post....
anyways i just wish hari raya will come fast and be gone... get over and done with it... bah hum bug... i just find the day depressing so the sooner its over the better.... not like we're going anywhere anyways which is just fine with me...
more telly for me then! =)
oh yea naz regarding your tag, hari raya visiting thingy? Honestly i've never gone out on a mass friends raya outing thingy, but sure why not but just let me know when in case it clashes with any of my plans...
Singapore Idol today, i wonder how asian pop is gonna turn out. Taufik sounds funny in malay and i've been wanting to say this, Sly never looked comfortable performing. Its like he cringes everytime he performs, he makes me cringe blah.. no offence to sly fans but really, he's not as versatile as how people say he is...
Now i have to agree with matsie that Olinda and Taufik should be the final two. They are like the best among the rest. Feel free to disagree but hey everyone has their own opinions!
Oh yea before i go any further and forget...
HaPpY BeLaTed 21st birThdAy to NuRaIni!!!
(semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki hehe... =P )
and
HappIe DiWaLi
to all my Indian Friends who celebrates this occasion =)
alrite... now...
as you peeps know i currently somehow have a lot of time in my hands which i think is a total waste of time cause i seem to be doing nothing.. thus i have been doing a lot of self reflecting, thinking blahblahablah.. so whats new hahaha....
you see sometimes i look into the mirror i somehow see a stranger... someone who tries to please people 24/7 but is not appreciated, someone who tries to be all crazy but is somehow hurting inside, someone who is strong but is actually not, someone who has dreams and ambitions but going against what she know she must do cause she is bound by responsiblities, doing what's right and lack of resources...
so who is me?
i dont think i'll go deeper into that cause what's the point? People would say that i'm egoistic talking about myself when there are more futile problems in the world.
yes how true.
in a way isnt that why a blog was created in the first place, to talk about oneself? haha...
somehow i realise how contradicting i have been. To not try be like everyone else, to not be sucked into the ideals of society... but how wrong i have been... to be different... sure i'm different, i've been laughed, insulted, pointed, examined, probed at for being different... drummed into me my whole life... i'm not normal...
fine... i've been talking all the blows all this years so now still doesnt make a difference... let people do and think whatever they want...
but to think i 'm no different to a person who wants society ideals. To want something that is beyond our reach... i'm no different... but is it wrong? To have our own wants and needs. To feed our ego, to know that we are good at something, to know that people actually care? Is it so wrong?
ok fine i opened a blog so that my thoughts can be heard, so that people can relate to what i'm going thru or vice versa, get a point across, discuss a topic (which somehow never happens because i'm coming to a conclusion peeps just are afraid of their own opinions being heard... what afaid that you might get shot? *rolls eyes*) so why all this?
cause when i talk somehow people dont listen. I'm somehow insignificant. a smudge in a person's memory, no smudge is too big, an atom in a person's memory... what i say dont matter, what comes out of my mouth people think its stupid, lame... so here i thought maybe if i could put down what i thought and feel into text people would read, people would understand... but do they? heck i could only hope and wish... but somehow people tend to misintepret what i say... haiz... so it doesnt make any difference doesnt it?
The world works funny sometimes...
maybe i have bad karma....
i can even have the simple thing that i want and need...
what is it? you can figure it out yourself....
i dont even know where i'm going with this entry...
too tired to think anymore...
if you have anything to say leave a comment... it would be much appreciated...
salute
||:PreCiouS:||
11/11/2004 04:08:00 PM
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004
am i that bad of a person?
i just don't get the attitude some people give me...
another thing i dont get is some peeps with the thinking that they are high superiority. They think they are better, wiser, senior and everyone else is not good enough...
sheesh...
i also dont get why people just love to bring me down. What sick pleasure do they get out of it?
Do they love so much to see me struggle and fail?
and i also dont get peeps who take my friendship lightly...
I'll go thru anything, absolutely anything for a friend... but in the end i'm usually let down... thanks... maybe i shouldnt have expected much in the first place...
||:PreCiouS:||
11/10/2004 10:32:00 PM
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Kotoba mitsukerarezu
owo wazu fureta katasaki
kimi wa nanimo iwazuni
tsumetaku furi hodoku
Kono sasai ne gokai kara
osanai ai wa fuzureteku
sonna kanashii
kao amita kunai
Yume sae naku shitemo
sono hohoemi dake sutenaide
kono mune kagaya ite ite
Itsuka chigau boku na
kono te de kizuku mirai wa
kana arezu kono bashou de
kimi ga doko ni itate
dakedo ima wa futari setsunaku
sorashite hitomi
deaeru koto wo shinjite
||:PreCiouS:||
11/10/2004 10:10:00 PM
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Look at me, I will never pass for perfect bride.
Or a perfect daughter.
Can it be I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see that if I were truly to be myself,
I would break my family's heart.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me.
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Somehow I cannot hide who I am,
Though I've tried.
When will my reflection show,
Who I am inside.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside.
||:PreCiouS:||
11/10/2004 07:00:00 PM
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Saturday, November 06, 2004
suppose to be out right now breaking fast with my old ite friends aida and ifah... but where am i? at home... i had to tell them i cant make it at the last minute.. cause.. well i'm broke.. i cant even afford to take the train to city hall... i just miss them so much that my heart broke when aida called to try and persuade me to just come down, which she didnt succeed... i can be very stubborn...
so here i am sitting in the dark, feeling sorry for myself and break fast was an old cereal bar i found in my drawer...
and not surprisingly mum is giving everyone the cold shoulder....
i just dont understand her sometimes... when i tell her there's a job opening that i'm considering applying she hints to me that she doesnt want me to work and just do housework and she'll give me money... (and i wonder why i'm broke hmmz..) she'll then go to my aunt (who i know who'll be reading this) complain about us not helping her when i'm here trying my best...
i donno, i'm just at a loss.. i dont know what to do already... no matter how much i want to say that me and my mum are close, we're not... when i'm sad, in pain, hurt, in anguish, she doesnt know... when i cry she just ignores, when i need money to top up my ezlink, reminding her 3 times she will give the excuse that she didnt hear anything...
its not like i go out everday, go clubbing, wear outrageous outfits, mix with bad groups of people, do stupid stuff like smoking or drugs or whatever... heck i dont even have a social life but she somehow likes to berate me...
maybe our 7 years apart has left a gap... i know she trusts me to a certain extent... but somehow i constantly get the feeling that she just doesnt understand me.... maybe its vice versa too...
i just feel like running away now...
i just feel like screaming...
i just feel like standing in the pouring rain...
i just want to feel numb and not feel....
everything just feels so wrong...
||:PreCiouS:||
11/06/2004 07:20:00 PM
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wohoo!!!
ladies and gentlemen....
it has been approved!!!!
time for work to being...
well after i see mr looi that is...
anyways..
wohoo!!!
time to get to work
tralalala....
||:PreCiouS:||
11/06/2004 01:13:00 AM
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Friday, November 05, 2004
Xmas Wishlist
||:PreCiouS:||
11/05/2004 03:09:00 PM
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Thursday, November 04, 2004
as i'm waiting for my gundam seed episode to finish downloading, i'm staring at the computer screen wondering what i'm doing with my life.
Currently, right now, i'm not doing anything. I'm bored out of my wits, waiting frustratingly patiently for the planned "camp twinkle" to get started, thinking how i can improve the state of my life right now, planning to go for a job interview tomorrow and how i can make the best out of law for future plans... hmmz...
and honestly i've been a complete lazy bum. I dont sleep, i'll only tend to go to sleep at ard 6am, wake up, watch tv, prepare breaking fast, watch gundam seed, surf the net.... that's all i do... i need to do something..
hmm maybe i should use this opportunity to clear my dad's old cabinet cause i dont have space to put my stuff.. i've been using the space under my bed and the floor in front of my cupboard to put my stuff which is beginning to be a mess... sigh...
Recently i found out someone totally unexpected who reads my blog. I dont really mind since this IS a public blog and everything, but what turns me off is that person pretends that they dont read my blog and ask me the most obvious questions that they know the answer to. Concern? Pretending to be the good person they are trying to potray? i dont think so *bleargh*
Anyways I've been cooking for the family these few days and have been getting praises hehe... accomplishment i should say, i mean some of the stuff that i cooked some are like the first time i tried doing it and all from the top of my head haha... and my sis actually commented how everything that i tend to cook turns out nice booyah i'm so swelling with pride right now wahaha... should cook more often but then prob is we dont have much ingredients around the house for me to experiment hmmz... I think if i were to own my very own house i would want a big kitchen according to my specifications of course haha...
I've also been very addicted to gundam seed hehe.. unlike some who are more towards naroto its gundam seed for me haha... episodes 31 and 32 was like so sad i was tearing hehe... i really wanna watch all the episodes together but i keep jumping episodes haiz.. but nevermind i'm a very patient person.. i think.. hehe...
anyways i think kira's cute dont you think? hehe...
||:PreCiouS:||
11/04/2004 11:52:00 PM
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Tuesday, November 02, 2004
so...
the government has stepped up on the country's security.. special forces patrolling the different parts of the island with machine guns...
Although we may not want to admit it, although every thing looks okay from our own safe little corner, the world is actually at silent war... It may not be obvious as the war in Iraq but its a present as the air we breathe... depends on how you look at it..
Who in god's name wants war? well some sick power hungry people but who can blame them, they are afterall sick...
but all this killiing and fighting, when will it end?
As a soldier, when you kill a son his mother will dispise you, when you kill a husband the wife will dispise you, when you kill a brother the sister will despise you, situation is vice versa in your case....
so when will all the fighting stop?
When everyone dies?
How do you determine the victor?
Question is who are you fighting for?
If you want the war to end, you fighting wont make any difference....
does everything have to be in violence?
does fighting really solve anything?
all it does is bring destruction, death, massacre...
look at the current state of Iraq for example, its a total war zone, people are still being killed every week...
so i ask, when will that war end?
when each side has no man left to fight?
Terrorism, a current headache to governments around the world
and i ask again, what does these terrorists hope to achieve?
a better place for their people?
a place of fear and violence?
or simply to be heard and that their beliefs are supreme?
so they continue to blow things up, kill innocent people to get noticed, get killed etc etc.. so when will it stop? When the people in their organisation are all killed? If so, what purpose does it serve in the first place to have chosen the life of being a terrorist? To say what they are doing is a holy act but tell me what religion actually promotes violence?
Maybe wars are inevitable, they have been going about ever since ancient history...
but its just that i dont see the reasoning behind it... why it occurs in the first place...
like this saying goes... "guns dont kill people, people kill people"
how true...
||:PreCiouS:||
11/02/2004 03:08:00 AM
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Monday, November 01, 2004
i was reading my previous entry and something came to mind.. i was wondering if some peeps may be wondering if i was refering it to anyone in particular, perhaps to a certain individual...
well i have dissapoint those peeps cause the answer is no. Its not written to any particular individual, perhaps to someone in the future when that time comes... but for now its just words...
To me all this liking business is getting old. True i used to like someone but it feels so much like ancient history right now. But then what is like? To like someone? Its different from love is it not, can it be clearly classified as infatuation? If so how can someone get infatuated with another individual? By their looks? personality? or deeper then that? Is liking somebody even a waste of time? or is it a foundation of eventually falling in love with that someone?
I used to think that when i fall for a certain someone its more than the physical attributes. To me i can see something in that person that other people cant, that i'm am able to understand that person. And like i said before, when i fall for a person, i fall hard. I dont go liking a few other peeps at the same time. Its always one person. Call me faithful but thats how i am haha... foolish? maybe, maybe not.
But then i began to see how it has been affecting me. How i allow these individuals to invade my thoughts. I began to see how they can hurt me without them even realising it. I guess i'm beginning to grow up. That all this is just something we young people go through....
So now somehow or rather i can never see myself with someone at this particular stage of my life. To me it doesnt matter if i dont have someone special in my life right now cause i know i will in the future, but when? i dont know. I'll leave that up to fate...
I now look at tv shows, movies, read a book, whatever you may deem as reel and not reality and whenever it has a happy ending or the character is lucky in love, i now tend to roll my eyes and keep telling myself it is all not real and will never happen in real life. That's how i view love right now. Something that is not entirely real. Well at this stage of my life that is.
Funny how somehow or rather i felt i needed to blog about this. That i wanted people to know that i'm not carrying a torch for anyone neither am i concerned about this relationship thingy that is absent in my life. Somehow my heart feels lighter, to not have someone to think about, to know that whatever comes, comes.. leaving everything to a thing called fate.
salute
||:PreCiouS:||
11/01/2004 01:36:00 AM
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