Thursday, November 11, 2004

hmmz... just realised there's something wrong with my shoutbox and i cant seem to fix it.. damn... anyways if you suddenly have an urge to comment which often people rarely do cause i think they are afraid to let their comments be heard *rolls eyes* feel free to click the comment button located below every post....

anyways i just wish hari raya will come fast and be gone... get over and done with it... bah hum bug... i just find the day depressing so the sooner its over the better.... not like we're going anywhere anyways which is just fine with me...
more telly for me then! =)

oh yea naz regarding your tag, hari raya visiting thingy? Honestly i've never gone out on a mass friends raya outing thingy, but sure why not but just let me know when in case it clashes with any of my plans...

Singapore Idol today, i wonder how asian pop is gonna turn out. Taufik sounds funny in malay and i've been wanting to say this, Sly never looked comfortable performing. Its like he cringes everytime he performs, he makes me cringe blah.. no offence to sly fans but really, he's not as versatile as how people say he is...

Now i have to agree with matsie that Olinda and Taufik should be the final two. They are like the best among the rest. Feel free to disagree but hey everyone has their own opinions!

Oh yea before i go any further and forget...

HaPpY BeLaTed 21st birThdAy to NuRaIni!!!
(semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki hehe... =P )

and

HappIe DiWaLi
to all my Indian Friends who celebrates this occasion =)

alrite... now...

as you peeps know i currently somehow have a lot of time in my hands which i think is a total waste of time cause i seem to be doing nothing.. thus i have been doing a lot of self reflecting, thinking blahblahablah.. so whats new hahaha....

you see sometimes i look into the mirror i somehow see a stranger... someone who tries to please people 24/7 but is not appreciated, someone who tries to be all crazy but is somehow hurting inside, someone who is strong but is actually not, someone who has dreams and ambitions but going against what she know she must do cause she is bound by responsiblities, doing what's right and lack of resources...

so who is me?

i dont think i'll go deeper into that cause what's the point? People would say that i'm egoistic talking about myself when there are more futile problems in the world.

yes how true.

in a way isnt that why a blog was created in the first place, to talk about oneself? haha...
somehow i realise how contradicting i have been. To not try be like everyone else, to not be sucked into the ideals of society... but how wrong i have been... to be different... sure i'm different, i've been laughed, insulted, pointed, examined, probed at for being different... drummed into me my whole life... i'm not normal...

fine... i've been talking all the blows all this years so now still doesnt make a difference... let people do and think whatever they want...

but to think i 'm no different to a person who wants society ideals. To want something that is beyond our reach... i'm no different... but is it wrong? To have our own wants and needs. To feed our ego, to know that we are good at something, to know that people actually care? Is it so wrong?

ok fine i opened a blog so that my thoughts can be heard, so that people can relate to what i'm going thru or vice versa, get a point across, discuss a topic (which somehow never happens because i'm coming to a conclusion peeps just are afraid of their own opinions being heard... what afaid that you might get shot? *rolls eyes*) so why all this?

cause when i talk somehow people dont listen. I'm somehow insignificant. a smudge in a person's memory, no smudge is too big, an atom in a person's memory... what i say dont matter, what comes out of my mouth people think its stupid, lame... so here i thought maybe if i could put down what i thought and feel into text people would read, people would understand... but do they? heck i could only hope and wish... but somehow people tend to misintepret what i say... haiz... so it doesnt make any difference doesnt it?
The world works funny sometimes...

maybe i have bad karma....
i can even have the simple thing that i want and need...
what is it? you can figure it out yourself....

i dont even know where i'm going with this entry...
too tired to think anymore...

if you have anything to say leave a comment... it would be much appreciated...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
11/11/2004 04:08:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.