Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Honestly i dont know whether to just laugh it off, cry or get angry. It had to happen on my birthday. geez. and to think i was about to break down part of my self built walls...

Life has its funny ways of working sometimes. seriously. I am totally clueless on what to do now.

what do you do if you found out that people actually make excuses as not to see you?
what do you do if you found out that people actually find your companionship a bore, even though you regard each other as friends?
what do you do when you found out that your intuition was correct all along and that people have been laughing at you and you were correct at what they thought of you all along?
what do you do when you found out that all these people are your friends?

what do you do?

do i consider myself a failure? am i not worth anyone's friendship? does being friends with a person means having to restrict yourself to a certain mould? Why cant i be accepted as who i am?

heck i'm not perfect, i cant be what people expect me to be but hell i'm gutted. My heart breaks as i'm typing all this down.

i didnt know that keeping friendships were damn hard. Trying to make everyone happy, trying to make people accept me but in the end having all the efforts go down the drain when you find out the truth.
so where do i stand now? so where do i stand now?????

i know something like this will happen... it always happen. I hate birthdays. i dont even know what i am crying for? it just hurts so much. I guess this is how my life is suppose to be. dissapointments and heart breaks.

I'm just so bloody tired, my heart and my head is begging for a time out..
maybe i'm meant to be alone. things dont happen over and over again and not mean something...

how do i go on from here?
there's so much i wanna do, there's so much i wanna change but how can i? every attempt that i do i get bogged down by factors i cant control, am i not meant to do the things i wanna do? am i not meant to do the things i want to help out with?

maybe god made a mistake bringing me into this world.
If only i could make a difference...

so much for a "happy" birthday...

||:PreCiouS:||
11/23/2004 11:38:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.