Saturday, November 06, 2004

suppose to be out right now breaking fast with my old ite friends aida and ifah... but where am i? at home... i had to tell them i cant make it at the last minute.. cause.. well i'm broke.. i cant even afford to take the train to city hall... i just miss them so much that my heart broke when aida called to try and persuade me to just come down, which she didnt succeed... i can be very stubborn...

so here i am sitting in the dark, feeling sorry for myself and break fast was an old cereal bar i found in my drawer...

and not surprisingly mum is giving everyone the cold shoulder....
i just dont understand her sometimes... when i tell her there's a job opening that i'm considering applying she hints to me that she doesnt want me to work and just do housework and she'll give me money... (and i wonder why i'm broke hmmz..) she'll then go to my aunt (who i know who'll be reading this) complain about us not helping her when i'm here trying my best...

i donno, i'm just at a loss.. i dont know what to do already... no matter how much i want to say that me and my mum are close, we're not... when i'm sad, in pain, hurt, in anguish, she doesnt know... when i cry she just ignores, when i need money to top up my ezlink, reminding her 3 times she will give the excuse that she didnt hear anything...

its not like i go out everday, go clubbing, wear outrageous outfits, mix with bad groups of people, do stupid stuff like smoking or drugs or whatever... heck i dont even have a social life but she somehow likes to berate me...

maybe our 7 years apart has left a gap... i know she trusts me to a certain extent... but somehow i constantly get the feeling that she just doesnt understand me.... maybe its vice versa too...

i just feel like running away now...
i just feel like screaming...
i just feel like standing in the pouring rain...
i just want to feel numb and not feel....

everything just feels so wrong...

||:PreCiouS:||
11/06/2004 07:20:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.