Wednesday, December 15, 2004

was browsing through photos of taufik batisah taken by crazy fans of his and i must say that he somehow doesnt look real. A fellow saggitarian, i have upmost respect for him and all but honestly its just getting... i donno... boring? Its like the idols are in the news almost every week. Its like all the damn reporters have no other things to talk about. Just read last Sunday's Newpaper, almost all the columns are regarding Singapore Idol. Do a title search on Taufik Batisah and a lot of crazy girl's blog will scream and drool over him *rolls eyes*
Walk around town and you will still hear their names being uttered...

Well yea i have to agree that it is kind of like a phenomenon, no celebrity in singapore ever gets this kind of attention but hello there are more dire things happening in the world.

Past week i've been reading articles of family with difficult situations and i really feel sad for them.
One story that really got to me was a family with twins with a liver disease who need a donor to replace their liver and the only suitable match is their mother and she can only choose one of them.
The dilemma that the mother has to go through and time is running out.

Some people just dont know how lucky they are to be in this world. Healthy, normal and not know the real meaning of pain.

Been thinking bout my mum this couple of weeks. I just feel awful. Me as the eldest daughter and not helping her a lot as i should. I know we are having money troubles but she wont say anything. Heck supporting 6 children without any stable income is damn hard.
Now that i'm back at home is one of the reason why i'm determined to find a weekend job that would not affect my studies.

In case some peeps are wondering, i havent been living with my family for 7 years, eversince dad passed away. The year dad passed away i was sent by my mum to an orphanage. I guess she felt that it would do me good there since i'm the more independent one.
Well i hated it at first but i understood the reason i was there.

so why am i now back at home? Well apart that i'm already 20, my health has been a real problem this year, and since school is so near to home it was better to move back home then stay there... but hell i miss everyone there...

i guess i'm lucky to have seen and experience the different side of things which is why i like to do something for the kids, volunteer to do stuff for the less fortunate... if only i was more well off maybe i could contribute more... but hey the little things still count =)

Back to my mum...
i guess i just feel plain guilty. I know she's tired and i'm scared of losing her, and the thing is i think i dissapoint her... i have one and half more years before i finish my diploma till then i'm tied up. I cant just stop school and work. I know she'll disapprove and getting a diploma will actually make a difference in me finding work.
Well i still want to continue my studies, pursue my own dreams but i guess that will have to wait. Till when? maybe once i can support my family and be self independent.
and i dont think i've shown her how much i care. I dont take enough time to tell her i love her.. i just feel awkward... Not really living with someone for some time makes one ties a bit shaky
I guess whatever i do now is for my mum first and for myself second...
cant do miracles but i'll do what i can...

||:PreCiouS:||
12/15/2004 09:06:00 PM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.