Wednesday, January 19, 2005

gut instincts are never wrong... or are they?
as for me my gut instincts have been right even though deep down i do not want to believe it. Cause i follow the principle of not judging and only when i know firsthand. As it turns out whatever i felt was in a sense not just my paranoia, i was technically more or less on the dot.
Somehow i dont know what to think of it.
Sometimes it just leaves me speechless.

Friendship is something precious that an individual could ever have. There are times you spend more time with your friends then your own family.
Thats how i view friendship, something precious.. but sometimes i see how people take that lightly especially around me.
sometimes i cant help wonder why.
Am i too nice that actually allows people to step all over me?
Is it because people see me as something they can use to get what they want?

and sometimes there are people who are afraid.

afraid of what's happening in my life cause it seems to complicated for them. They dont think they can help me with what i'm facing so they stay away.

But dont they realise that by staying away hurts me even more?

I dont need people to solve my problems.
I dont need pity.
I dont need people to magically make my problems dissapear.
cause that's why i'm here for, to solve my own problems. Cause god put me where i am for me to learn, cause he knows i can handle it.

All i need is them to just be my friends.
period.
i dont expect much
i never do
but then i always end up in the down side of things
people i call friends avoids me
as if i have some plague that is infectious

or even worse
to keep up appearances.

for what purpose?
i just dont get it
if you dont want to be around me, fine, then dont...
why hurt me even more with insincerity?

*sigh*

Some even thinks that i keep secrets from them. What secrets? My life is like an open book only that i dont talk about it that much until someone asks, i dont devulge much into whatever goes on in my life cause i learnt that life takes on its own course and some things are simply better left unsaid but then for those who knows me you should know better then that....

i donno whatever it is i feel blessed to have whatever i have now. Its either that or nothing. You gotta take whatever you can get and i am thankful that i have people who i can count on as my friends, who would not judge, accepts me for me, even tho i can be crazy/wierd at times but yea, they allow me to be me and understand.

To these friends i thank you.

Epecially to tania, desheng, mx and marcus who has always stood by me especially when i was at my lowest. I owe you guys alot.
Thank you so much for everything. =)

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Somehow i felt i had to say all that, and i'm glad i did. Will there be any repercussions? Maybe, i donno but whatever i said came from the heart, and i meant every word.

Two more papers to go and i cant wait to get it over and done with.
I have yet to even touch my accounts but hey i'll get there soon haha...

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Dearest kay,
i read your blog posting and i thank you for being honest with me cause not alot people are nowadays, even tho how much i can actually sense it.
Why do you feel guilty? I dont need you to totally understand my problems,cause i know you have your own. I dont need you to solve my problems for me cause it is mine to solve. I just want you to be you. Be the kay that i know and love. Like you said, all you have to do is be my friend, so be that friend. That's all i need. period. Likewise i'll always be there for you no matter what. =)
Life is what you make out of it. =) Oh and yes i did have fun on thursday =)
god bless

salute

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-Quotable Quotes-

"The real test of friendship is: can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple?" -Eugene Kennedy

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." -Albert Camus

"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same." - Elbert Hubbard

||:PreCiouS:||
1/19/2005 01:48:00 AM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.