Wednesday, January 12, 2005

i bloody had it
i cant be doing this day in and day out, i have my freaking limits too you know...
everyday i go home its like the same thing over and over. i cant get a bloody decent noise level which actually allows me to study and i end up sleeping very very late cause thats the only time i can get some peaceful studying. Yes sure blame me for having to sleep at the freaking wee hours in the morning, getting up groggy a few hours later to go to school and looking freaking tired all the time. Its come to a point where i have to stay bloody late in school so i can get some schoolwork done.

My damn computer is down i cant even get it to start, i cant bloody do my report which is due this coming monday, basically i cant do anything if i'm either 1) not in school or 2) using my sis/bro's comp.

i'm seriously gonna burst one of this days. I had it with sharing, i had it with the insufficient space that i get so much so that i have to use the floor to put my books and things when everyone has a bloody decent place to actually put their stuff, i had it with people going thru my stuff without my permission, i had it with waiting, i had it with the frequent irritating noise, i had it with me trying to shout at my siblings to shut up so i can concentrate on something cause i dont want to be shouting at them in the first place, i had it with running around like an idiot, actually pushing aside pressing things that i have to do just to make things work and people not caring, i simply had it with every bloody thing.

you know what i feel like moving out. yes even though i just got back after 7 bloody long years. Maybe thats the bloody problem in the first place.

I know i should not be angry but i am. i'm bloody pissed especially at myself for feeling this way. Half of me wants to stay but half of me cant take it anymore. The me inside feels like screaming and screaming not wanting to stop but i cant cause thats just how i am.... my life is just one big merry go round and it never seems to stop and i'm getting so exhausted with the same things happening over and over again.

i just had it you know...

i'm spent...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/12/2005 11:50:00 PM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.