Monday, February 28, 2005

There's something awful going around the house, now both my sisters have it...
first my brothers now them...

five down two left....

i just hope it doesnt affect me now cause exams are around the corner...
now i'm even afraid to come home early or hang around the house much, especially now when the doctor told my sisters what they have spreads thru the air...

argh!!!!

i seriously hope my trusty dettol soaps and disinfectant helps
wahaha...

i think i'm going mad

*runs and locks self in room*

oh wait...
i share the same room with my sisters!!
*faints*

helpp...
i think i'm getting paranoid...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/28/2005 11:01:00 PM
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Saturday, February 26, 2005

If you put your mind to it, there's nothing that you cant do!

well that's what i believe especially after today....

went for TP Sports Club's bonkers @ sentosa today,
i was a last minute replacement for darren.
Had my doubts initially because of my cough and all but i pushed myself and hey i went thru everything today, from the "running" to climbing to hitching rides on trucks and lorries haha... i made it thru it all! wohooo!
I suppose i needed that physical workout, and surprise surprise my cough is like better? haha...

Anyways the team was awesome! Candy, Marco & Yolanda, well done guys =) We were from like the last few groups to the first five? haha awesome progress and teamwork!! *claps*

oh and contrary to what i blogged before....
i'm taking part in captain's ball for the law games haha...
just couldnt pass up the chance to play lah =P
no worries i'll be okay, i know my limits, i'll stop when its time to stop =)

Took bus 10 home from harbourfront, after yolanda and marcus alighted at their stop, i noticed some changes along the route. Shows how things change in a short space of time. Noticed how yellow the grass are nowadays due to the weather, then i saw the sky turning cloudy which showed signs of coming rain... Then i thought of god, how he has the power to control everything, how things happen for a reason... and somehow i began praying to him...
I prayed for him to give me strength, i prayed that whatever he's putting me through is not all a waste, that he will allow me to continue to be strong for whatever obstacles that may come... i also prayed that whatever has been happening in my life, allow me to learn from these mistakes and somehow allow me to get used to the pain that's constantly being thrown at me... not physical pain but more of emotional pain... and then i made a promise to myself that i would not let things bring me down, that whatever happens i should carry a light heart and not entangle myself with emotions that will drain me...
somehow after all that i felt a little lighter... =)

and i have no freaking idea why i'm telling you all this haha...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

hmm candy, or was it tania who asked me this yesterday...
what do i look for in a guy?

i couldnt answer them yesterday, went about something about how height is just a number haha...

anyways i think i have an answer...
What i look for is more of character and personality rather then looks...
i want a guy who's a combination of Disney's Aladdin and King Arthur's Authur haha...
and i'm not refering to the looks department...
but i dont mind if he looks and sounds like Arthur wahaha...

anyways.. yea... but then both are fictional characters and i suppose there's no such guy in real life....
but then fictional characters are inspired by real people arent they? or else how would the authors/writers/creators come up with these characters....

but if such a guy exist...
i think he would be too good a guy for me and there's someone out there better for him...
so yea wahaha
so much for knowing what i want...

but then we will never really know what lies ahead of us and what we really want... we can list as many attibutes and qualites of a person we want to end up with but then fate always has a hand in these kind of matters and you'll never know who you'll end up with...
and possibly you'll end up with someone you'll least expect...

so yea.. i dont think i'll pine my hopes in anyone or what kind of person i would want to end up with cause i dont want an actual list to exist where i judge someone i'll end up with and compare him to a list that i have cause if you really do love someone chances are you've already accepted him for who he really is and that's they way it should be....

Why bother with details that isnt important in the long run?
looks fade so whats the point in wanting to find the perfect guy who women usually refer to as tall, dark and handsome?
For all you know 10 or 20 years down the road he will be a hunched-back, foul mouthed, ungrateful bastard and you'll wonder why you decided to end up with him in the first place...

but then who am i kidding?
looks always plays apart in first attraction... it always does...

however i'm not saying that you should go end up with someone you think has a good character or a heart of gold but then there's no chemistry...

There is no governing law/rule/code that draws the line on what is right and what is wrong in this topic... i suppose it depends on individual, how each person perceive what is the ideal and what they think is suited for them...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/26/2005 10:01:00 PM
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

okie peeps i'm not depressed
neither am i crazy....

well not that crazy at least haha...

i was just having one of my thinking days and perhaps the stress of alot of things got to me the other day as well...
and i usually like to blog what i felt at the moment cause it actually helps haha...

so yes i'm ok
nothing to worry about
as always i'll survive

i sooooo need a vacation soon
hmm but then i'll get bored easily
argh nvm...

thanks guys for the love and support
love you guys so bloody much! =D
oh yea and i will stay happy
unless someone decides to be a wet blanket and ruin my day

but then Elanor Roosevelt did say that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, so applying that i would not make anyone damper my spirits without my consent haha...

but please note that i'm not a robot and neither am i those push button dolls... so i'm entitled to being human and just feel... oh and think... and get sad haha... i know i know i should minimize on thinking to much... and believe me i'm working on it =)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

OB presentation today was interesting, everything was impromptu, unrehearsed, unscripted and all basically made up crap..
quite refreshing actually... haha...

French project due next week, realise that i've quite a number of things i need to do, will do it after accounts tomorrow i suppose.... Just a bit worried on the speaking test in March. What i'm afraid of is that the tutor will say something and i'll just stare at her wahaha... or i could know what she's talking about but my mind goes blank and i cant remember how to answer her.. hmmz...

was suppose to have a meeting for advoc in the evening which was cancelled so i ended up going to the movies alone. Havent been doing that for quite some time...

dont you just find it irritating when other movie patrons just can't sit still throughout the whole movie?? The opening and shutting of the door, the sound of people running up and down the stairs thinking they are inaudible when they actually are... bah.... oh well the world aint perfect...

oh yea law games next week i think... wont be participating this time, i reckon i'll end up in a stretcher if i even attempt to, so this time i'll just be the spectator and cheer on the other teams =)

Three more weeks to exams... oh gosh how time flies...
speaking of which, the year 3s are gonna like graduate soon too...
sigh gotta admit, gonna miss some of em'...

aite then, my sis is waiting impatiently to use the comp
which i must oblige since it is her comp haha...

aite take care guys
salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/24/2005 11:31:00 PM
||||

To fall in love is easy
even to remain in it is not difficult;
our human loneliness is cause enough...
But it is a hard quest worth making
to find a comrade through whose steady presence
one becomes steadily the person one desires to be...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/24/2005 11:08:00 PM
||||

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

called in sick today so now waiting for the clock to strike 1030 before going to the doctor... will be in school right after, group meeting and finishing off work that needs to be done... sigh.. why cant i ever have a full day off when i'm sick =P

so now killing time by doing online quizzes...

this i kinda interesting...

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt
Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

hmmm....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

now in school
done with group meeting and conveyancing stuff
sitting in ilaw killing time when i should be going home...

feel like catching a movie right now..
the long engagement, its a french movie... been waiting for it to come out eversince i saw the trailer so contemplating if should i go alone later or just go home and rot haha...

have yet to watch constantine.. made a date with sinthu for next week, hopefully we'll be catch it then =)

oh yea went to the doc's got the same medcine again, except that the cough mixture is a bit different... i hope this new mixture works bah...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/23/2005 10:21:00 AM
||||

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

perhaps sometimes i expect too much...
and sometimes people expect too much from me...
i apologize if my entires sound somehow depressing or whatever you may call it
the thing is i cant be the stone statue some people want me to be
i'm sorry if its wrong for me to keep silent and not always tell you what is bothering me cause you hate it...

i guess this is what happens when you bottle too much things.. hmm...

however i'm trying... i'm trying to be stronger than i already am
i'm trying not to depend on people so much so that i can prevent myself from constantly getting hurt...
i guess i've been selfish of wanting things that i know i wont get...
i guess i've been pretty much stupid to wait for that special someone to actually come and save me cause i now realise that it will never happen...
and i'm trying not to be too stressed out with work...

hmm sometimes i take a step back and look at myself and sometimes i wonder what in the world am i doing? why am i letting myself down? haha.. sometimes i even think i'm a hazard to myself.... then i realise for what purpose am i allowing myself to be let down for things i cant control cause in the end i'm living my life for me....

perhaps i expect too much because i know my path is short. Cause somehow i dont see myself still breathing at 40. yes i'm pessimistic but i'm realistic. i know i'm gonna end up like dad but somehow i picture myself being less fortunate then he is, cause i picture myself being alone cause i wouldnt want to be a burdern to anyone and i dont see my luck ever changing cause life has been so trying... bottomline is i can never be like dad... I've always seen him at a point where i can never reach...

kinda sad that i never really had a father daughter talk with him at all... honestlyi dont know what he is actually like, if i did, i dont remember... i only remember stories... i only remember minor details... i only remember that he is respected by alot of people, especially his friends, till today...

anyways as long as i have faith and my conscience is clear i guess i'll continue doing what i do even though sometimes i get nothing out of it....

sometimes i feel like i'm repeating myself... its like my thoughts go in circles haha... at this rate a lot of people are gonna get bored with me... but its ok i know how much a boring person i am which still amazes me that people actually do read my blog haha...

anyways i apologize to those people who thought i was ignoring them cause i was keeping silent. I just wasnt in the mood to talk... i hope you guys understand...

To latha.. thanks gerl for being there everytime i needed someone to talk to when i'm at a loss...
Love ya gerl =)

This song from Train has been playing in my head the whole day and funny how some of the words rings true...

Whose eyes am I behind
I don’t recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design
I don’t want this to be the way that you see me

I don’t understand anything anymore
In this world that I’m tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It’s anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where's mine
‘Cause your what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one look what you’ve done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You’re just a kid
You weren’t ready for what you did

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where's mine
‘Cause you what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

I think im trying to save the world for you
You’ve been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)
Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)

now i just wish this cough will just go away... sigh...

oh and to matsie... glad to hear you're alright... take care of yourself ya and get better soon =)

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/22/2005 10:59:00 PM
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I just feel sad today
I dont know why
I'm just tired
I dont want to be strong anymore....
not at the moment at least...
I just feel lost at the moment...
I just feel like walking aimlessly right now...
I dont feel like going home at the moment...
nuff said...

Currently on replay on my mp3...

aku tak percaya lagi
atas apa yang kau beri
aku terhempas di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
yang sinarnya terangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

mengapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
mengapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kusalurkan.. kemenanganmu

kau wajarkan aku bahagia
kau wajarkan aku derita
kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
kau tunjukkan aku derita
kau berikan aku bahagia
kau berikan aku derita

aku pulang...
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku...

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/22/2005 08:08:00 PM
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Monday, February 21, 2005

one down and a few more others to go =)
family law presntation was more or less okay i suppose, didnt expect somethings but i suppose its something to be learnt...

I think i need to get new shoes. I fell on the stairs once today and almost fell three other more times haha... or perhaps its not the shoes and its just me hmmz haha...

anyways i think i'm coming down with something awful, my cough shows no signs of going away, whenever i laugh i cough right after, felt feverish today and had this irritating headache the whole day which doesnt seem to want to go away, sigh... i cant afford to fall sick this week, too much things to do... its alright i'll get thru this as always...

was thinking, why cant some guys understand that not everything revolve aroud material things. That not all girls are the same. not every girl want the same thing. Money simply isnt everything.

oh and to some people who shall not be named, stop trying to match me with another cause you think we're a suitable match because of height..
seriously, please... i am not interested...
what's the use of height when there's no heart?
what's the use of looks when it doesnt last?

How come looks always have to play a part in these things? Why are the physical attributes more looked upon than what is inside?

you know i've always tried to convince myself that whatever feelings i have for a certain person will never last... but what if that feeling keeps coming back, cause you see something more to the person, cause you see the person for what he is and not for what he looks like... cause something about him just strikes a chord in you...
or maybe something in him just seems familiar to you...

sigh i donno, i'm just messing myself up...
perhaps one day i'll learn to freeze my heart or something so it will stop feeling so much cause its just getting emotionally tiring...

for now i'll just be contented with what i have and what i am cause that is simply enough....

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/21/2005 10:30:00 PM
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i'm currently in ilaw, sleepy, tired, cold, hungry and teary eyed... i hope i dont get what my bros are having right now... they've been on MC for almost a week now...

anyways i'm sitting here waiting for my group members to finish editing their part of our presentation slides and another group member to turn up so that we can start rehearsing.

Family Law presentation today and i think my group needs all the luck we can get. We havent even reheaerse anything at all and we've only like met twice? Spent my weekend finishing all the slides, hopefully its more or less accurate haha...

going for lunch soon.. will blog more later...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/21/2005 12:20:00 PM
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Another night again
Another journey without friends
Another a fight to wish away the loneliness I live

Another circus show
Another face that I don't know
Another night of people asking what I have to give

I thought that I would drown
But it's okay by now

And all along the way I feel a part of me I have to fight
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptiness in me is fadin'
I can see my life is waitin'
Now I know I'm livin' for who I am

Now I know I'm livin' for who I am...

The fire grows inside
The feeling can not be denied
when everywhere I turn there's signs because they push me

Well I was fallin' down
But it's okay right now

And all along the way I feel a part of me I have to fight
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptiness in me is fadin'
I can see my life is waitin'
Now I know I'm livin' for who I am

When everything seems grey
When everyone is fake
No one really knows you

Look into their eyes
Rip off your disguise
Let 'em see the real you

And all along the way I feel a part of me I have to fight
Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptiness in me is fadin'
I can see my life is waitin'
Now I know I'm livin' for who I am

||:PreCiouS:||
2/16/2005 06:01:00 PM
||||

I realized how fragile friendships are...
sitting here where i am i cant help but think, what a waste to have been friends with someone for more than a year, sometimes even longer and then lose that friendship just because of a misunderstanding. Just because each person cant give or take...

Friendships are somewhat like relationships, well thats how i feel anyways.
I can go on and on about what i think but then i'm not in the mood to elaborate, maybe some other time...

Still i cant help feel sad when these friendships end when i dont want them too...

sigh...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/16/2005 04:40:00 PM
||||

A story to share...

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this
world is gone forever. This is a true story, taken from "Family"
(dictated by LD, edited by LSX,translated by SaFe).

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful
footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy
some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went
terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price,
every thing became too late. Just two years after our marriage, hubby
brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown
and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away
while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and
struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a
university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and
did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he
is today.I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room,
which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and
plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just
picked me up and
started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he
said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love
to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at
any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an
argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin
me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I
became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living
room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you
young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also
can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the
house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble
away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly
you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I
came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her
and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when
I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every
item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get
even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said:
"You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything
would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy
lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the
breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the
wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like
the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to
notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it
as her silent protest. As i am a dance teacher in the Children's
Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not
wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the
comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest
mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon
her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep
all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them
later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the
trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to
wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly
wash they again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing
the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly
in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that,
he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a
spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad
and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said:
"Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating
from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak
to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in
the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma
as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare
breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing
breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would
look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding
stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid
the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own
breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD,
is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you
chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me
alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some
time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?"
I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt
a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing
up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't.
I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited
everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying
and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the
washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened
my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us,
then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me
a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For
three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so
furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting
up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep
having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for
food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low
point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible,
you should go and see a doctor."The doctor confirmed that I am
pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful
morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.
Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought
of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only
been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and
leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and
called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he
pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his
eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that
moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby:
"Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me
round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in
the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't
even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed
thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried
and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the
lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took
the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he
really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut
in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting
streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to
clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.

I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said:
"Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I
found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me,
his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control
the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the
funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional
disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about
the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house,
she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go
back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her,
she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a
public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown
up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... In his heart, I am
indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong
liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity
and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we
are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in
his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back
in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough
scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at
all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by,
hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we
were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am
like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass
window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very
lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After
recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood
in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I
have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to
go,hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,
challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by
one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had
stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside
me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way
to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each
other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I
returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched
- he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call
him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks
again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife
through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to
consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on
having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for
causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The
whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table,
there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without
even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have
gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him,
removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at
me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat,
I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes
hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging
tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper
towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on
it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, you are pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I
could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I
said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the
dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears
wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far
that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how
many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I
would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in
front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget,
ever. We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart. For me,
its unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting
for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone
past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of
the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am
totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I
don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From
the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had
vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks
in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep
in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of
groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever
I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out
what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has
forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because
there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was
born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant
products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags
and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is
trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his
actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can
hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now
addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one
late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came
rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had
been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs,
stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat
off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached
the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying
on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:
In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm
eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his
eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his
hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto
the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without
opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never
shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper
pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it
was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to
last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had
cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:
"Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and
rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a
suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and
I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he
wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you
before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you
will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can
accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy
now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the
possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your
lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's
suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as
if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest,
daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the
one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work
and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small
was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my
biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive
me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a
joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you
cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you
for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our
son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every
year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the
packaging..." Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I
brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes
and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your
arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our
son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I
press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang
thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/16/2005 04:34:00 PM
||||

Just as i thought i was feeling better, i now feel worse, doubting if i'll make it to my french class later at 9am... argh

feel like i have so many things to do but so little time, constant deadline looming and the piling of work... and now i'm having some sort of "writer's" block. Brain too saturated already...
I wonder why i allow myself to do most of the work when some dont have any slightest care in the world... sigh...
I think i need sleep haha...

was chatting with my darlingz ifah and aida via msn, planning to go catch disney on ice! yay i'm so looking forward to this. Havent seen them much... We only meet up like once every 2 months? hmmm...
Last time i saw them was on a saturday, me, two of them and their beaus...
if you're wondering, yes i do feel awkward sometimes especially eating with them at a table for 6 when there's only 5 haha... but nevermind their guys are great and i should be used to it already...

aite i seriously cant think of anything else to blog about, i'm just too tired to continue... and i'm wondering why i'm blogging in the first place geez...

haha..
aite then
you guys take care

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/16/2005 01:05:00 AM
||||

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

argh i still want the Gundam Seed VCD set,
all four of em'!
i havent finished watching all 50 episodes yet and now they have Gundam Seed Destiny... haiz...

anyways me currently taking a break from school work
my brain is way totally saturated

In the bus on the way home this afternoon i was thinking of insecurities....
am i insercure?
i dont think i am
i know there are people who loves me for me
but sometimes i cant help feeling the way i do cause i know myself...
thus the previous entry =)

but then its not about the question of friendship...
i know there are people who care
but what i was thinking was beyond that
something i can never attain
haha.. which i find hard to explain now btw
wahaha *shrugs*

at least i'm aware of my weakness...
i've been trying to change
have been doing alot of reflecting lately and trying and see things in a different perspective
do things differently
be aware of how i react to things
how i treat different peeps differently...
i know it'll take time
heck i aint perfect

and i think its abt time i follow my own advice
right latha?
wahaha.... *winkz*

to all who tagged,
thanks guys
love you guys so much
*hugs*

health wise i'm better i suppose
except for the occasional very bad hard to breathe coughs
and after climbing a few flight of stairs =P

TP Open House in 2 days wheeee
but then there's the looming deadlines that is currently bothering me...

oh yea Vday yesterday. Cant seem to not see girls holding flowers everywhere i turn
*rolls eyes*
the most exaggerated day of the year i feel
extra pricey flowers and chocs...
if you love someone shouldnt it be an everyday thing instead of one day?
and sharing your special day with other people? hmmz....

alrite i should get back to work...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/15/2005 02:44:00 AM
||||

Saturday, February 12, 2005

mum's at it again and like always she angry at my bro and now the whole household... everytime she's like this i get even more stressed and i'm coughing twice as hard and its very hard to stop. And when this happens i'm afraid something bad might happen... i think of the worse senario sometimes, and everything has got to do with the heart...

and at this moment i feel like going out of the house and the only problem with that is its already late in the night...

i guess i blame myself for her being so unhappy, cause afterall i'm the eldest... and the thing is i dont know what i should do...

her never ending threats, the cold shoulder she sometimes gives.... i know she cares but i think she misses dad.... i think she's too tired and had enough of our family antics...

i'm just at a loss of what to do...
and all i think of now is to blast my mp3 loud enough to drown out her voice...

i'm a bad daughter....
sigh...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

was sitting in the train this evening thinking about things as usual. Then i asked myself this...
do i need saving?
Do i need someone to save me from this life of mine?

then i began convincing myself that maybe i dont cause i'm simply not worth saving.
I'm not worth saving because i'll do more harm than good...
I'm not worth saving because i'll only bring sadness and hardship for that person.
I'm simply not worth saving because my life is too complicated and i do not want anyone to be dragged down by it....

perhaps thats why i've remained single all my life haha...

i'm simply not worth it...

so there....

and to nad,
those are simply the reasons why you'll never see "love blossming" anytime soon...

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
2/12/2005 11:24:00 PM
||||

Thursday, February 10, 2005

as the day goes by i look at you in a different light
my perception changes and i wonder
i wonder sometimes if you reaction is ever genuine
cause now it all feels fake to me...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/10/2005 11:32:00 PM
||||

First and foremost, Happy Chinese New Year to all those celebrating this festive season. Hope you guys are having fun! =)

me, well i've been at home for the past 3 days currently craving for fresh air outside the four walls of my home.
What i thought would be an opportunity to get some rest somehow turned out to be quite the opposite.
Been catching up on stuff that i've been neglecting to do at home, doing post project twinkle matters, preparing publicity materials for open house, catching up on reasearch for my family law grp project, not that i'm complaining cause i've been able to catch up on my reading. I'm currently on my third book of the week hehe...

oh yea and i discovered that when i'm concentrating on doing something, especially physically strenuous i dont cough as much, only when i stop to rest that it comes back... hmm kinda interesting actually... maybe i should do more work heh? maybe then i'll stop being sick haha...

caught the amazing race finale yesterday and my fave team won. I knew they would! Congrats to freddy and kendra! =)
ooh and the new season of survivor is showing next week! awesome cant wait =)

alot of things have been happening lately, of friendships, relationships, hopes and dissapointments. But i guess its all part of life and to all my friends who are going through a rough patch, stay strong and have faith that things will turn out alright, cause things do happen for a reason.
Tho people around you will provide you with support, give suggestions on what you can do but bottomline is, its all up to you. Life is what you make out of it =)

salute!

Listen as your days unfold.
Challenge what the future holds.
Try and keep your head up to the sky.
Lovers, they may cause you tears. Go ahead, release your fears.
Stand up and be counted. Don't be ashamed to cry.

You gotta be, you gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser,
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough,
you gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm,
you gotta stay together.
All I know, all I know, love will save the day....

||:PreCiouS:||
2/10/2005 07:09:00 PM
||||

Monday, February 07, 2005

Random Thoughts

I wonder why i wasted tears on you
how i could let myself be hurt by something that means nothing to you
i now realise how foolish i have been
as beautiful as you are ice runs through your veins
a fool i was to think that you would change...

my wonders of life never seems to cease
the miracles of birth
the pain of death
attempts on my part to understand life
but to be misunderstood
i learnt that it comes with being an individual...

from experience i've come out stronger
to look at the negative with positivity
to smile through my ache and sorrow
to know that there will always be tomorrow
and understand that inspite of everything
people have their own opinions too

as i gather strength through my journeys
i found friends who has always been there whom i failed to see
i take comfort in knowing that i'm loved
i feel blessed to have something so precious

how can you be afraid of something but accept it at the same time
to live with the possiblity of not seeing another day go by
to know that life is short and not being able to make full use of it?

do you have a dream?
i know i have
let me tell you mine...

before i die i wanna have my own photo exhibition in a gallery
photos that i am proud to call mine
to travel around the world
to see places that i can only read in books
to take photos of things that captures my eye

sounds too far fetched?
maybe not
that's not all...

another thing i wanna do before i die is see to that my family is stable and well taken care of
i wanna open my own business and do something i enjoy
to do something with my own hands, to find joy in something i can call my own
it doesnt have to be big, just sufficient
to give my mum that well deserved rest that she needs
to be able to get my sibling through school and all their medical expenses

before i die i want to be a social worker
to help those who are less fortunate
to guide those who are lost
to make a difference in someone's life
i want to be able to share whatever life has taught me
to give a person renewed hope
to give back what has been given to me
a life worth living

before i die
as depressing as it sounds
life is short
and i've come to terms with it

i wonder what i would do if one day the doctors told me i only have a few days to live?
my dad passed away without even that luxury of the doctors estimating his remaining time he had... perhaps if he knew things wouldnt be as it is now...

I've been thinking alot about that dad this past few days, especially eversince i had this bad cough which does not show any signs of going away.
The week before dad passed away he was having horrible coughs. I never really knew why dad was always falling sick. He was in and out of hospital like checking in and out of a hotel.
When dad passed away doctors told my mum that his aorta burst when he was coughing too hard.
so now whenever i have a very bad cough i get scared. I'm get so scared especially when i think i cough too hard, cause me and dad, we're not that different. Whatever he had, i have too...

but all i can do is keep to myself and slowly breathe whenever it happens. How do you actually tell a person what you're actually feeling when they ask you if you're alright?
I dont believe in going around telling people how much pain i am or how afraid i am cause what's the point? Cause in the end i'm the one who has to deal with it, not you, not anyone else.

sometime i cannot help but question why. Why me and my siblings.
I should know better shouldnt i.
But i take comfort in knowing how strong we are dealing with every blow that we face. Every operations we've went through, every pain we feel at times.
I believe that whatever life has instore for us, we'll get through it together, as we've done countless times before....

||:PreCiouS:||
2/07/2005 11:13:00 PM
||||

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Jalanan Berduri

Awan mendung yang berarak kedinginan
Lautan keruh yang bergelora kecewa
Bayu nan lembut yang berhembusan kesedihan
Kini jadi taufan kehilangan haluan

Sekian lama daku mencari bahagia
Namu tiada ku semukanya di mana
Jalanan ku tempuh penuh duri
Beginikah suratan hidupku ditentukan

Mengapa duka lara seringkali melingkari diri ini
Bilakan berakhir kisah pilu dari hidupku
Ingin ku pergi bawa hati
Jauh ku pergi bawa diriku yang sepi
Oh mungkinkah ku bertemu oh bahagia yang ku cari

Segala kepahitan ku rasa ku pendamkan
Tak mungkin dapatku meluahkan pedihnya
Biarlah daku mengharunginya sendirian
Waktu sakitnya daku rasakan derita

||:PreCiouS:||
2/06/2005 07:56:00 PM
||||

The Path Of Thorns

I knew you wanted to tell me
In your voice there was something wrong
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you're so strong
Just let me ask of you one small thing
As we have shared so many tears
With fervor our dreams we planned a whole life long
Now are scattered on the wind...

In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why

Through the years I've grown to love you
Though your commitment to most would offend
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride
Waiting for you to give in...
You never really tried or so it seems
I've had more than myself to blame
I've had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end...

There's no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns
They've torn the life-blood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn...

Funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do
Seemed to make no difference to you at all...

||:PreCiouS:||
2/06/2005 01:32:00 PM
||||

Saturday, February 05, 2005

the last time i cried over a friend was quite a long time ago... well maybe not that long...
i dont know why i allow myself to get upset, perhaps its because i care and that's how i am.
because you're not me that's why you'll never understand.
I keep telling myself that whatever happens is because it is meant to happen, it is a lesson to be learnt, its a process to make me a stronger person.

whatever it is i pray to god that all that life put me through is not in vain, to keep whatever little friends i have safe and in good health, same goes to my family and i pray that he will give us the strength to stay strong no matter what happens.

amen

||:PreCiouS:||
2/05/2005 11:58:00 PM
||||

well i've gotten back almost all my midsem papers excluding french. Surprisingly i passed all even though i expected the worse for all my papers cause i didnt have enough time to complete my conveyancing paper, confused myself during accounts and forgot some of the theories for OB oh and not forgetting struggling to write down a full sentence in french for the writing paper, i suck at spelling in french =P

finally went to the doctor just now, only just because it was on the way walking home from school.
as usual doc gave me the usual antibiotics and cough mixture which is still sitting on the side of my bed. Doubt that i'll even touch the medicine. So now i'm wondering why i even went to the doctor. sigh...

My cough is getting more terrible and i'm having difficulty breathing when i exert myself too much. haha and here i am telling you that i thinking of not eating my medicine.

i'm my own worst enemy tsktsk

i need to stop eating...
eh wait that didnt come out right haha..
i meant that i need to stop spending money on food when i'm outside.
i'm broke as it is, i have like 20 bucks to last me thru the whole of feb?
hmm i think i can do this.. i hope i can... no i know i will =)

TP Open House coming soon, yay cant wait! I just love open house, the atmosphere, people around... one thing i regret tho is not joining iGuides this year. Was too busy during their recruitment drive and i thought i would wanna give it a rest this year. But i'm so regreting it now. I wanna bring people around, meet new people =)
but no worries there's always the law chat room, somehow i like promoting law haha.. go figure =P

currently watchin My Wife and Kids on Disney Channel and i absolutely love the show. It is damn funny.
speaking of tv shows, when are they bringing ALIAS back? I wanna know what happen!!!

okie gonna ransack the fridge now for food, i'm bloody hungry and i reckon i wont be able to sleep a wink with my stomach rumbling...

salute!

||:PreCiouS:||
2/05/2005 01:19:00 AM
||||

Friday, February 04, 2005

i guess sometimes i let emotions override me.
its not the first time actually, a friend of mine once told me before that sometimes i shout at people for no apparent reason and the thing is i'm not aware of me doing that. Thats the problem with me i suppose, sometimes i'm too loud and sometimes i'm too soft and i get misunderstood. The thing is i'm trying my best to keep in check how i voice out my thoughts but somehow i feel like i'm failing. So far only one friend has the guts to tell me what i'm doing wrong, and that was a long time ago. I cant very well record every single thing i say can i? unless someone actually say something then i can be aware and try not to repeat the same mistake.
right now being misunderstood comes naturally i guess.
all i can do is apologize if i realise the mistake i've made and like i've been doing alot, keep quiet....

Free speech. sure everyone has a right to say anything they want. But what i dont get is when people want something to be changed and thats it. They want to see things differently but is any suggestion given? no
if you want something better then suggest instead of complaining.

sure some people might think its a waste of time, but how would people know what to do if you dont tell them?

when you have a passion for something, you feel defensive towards it. Same goes for everyone else. what i dont get is why is it okay for people to show their true emotions and in my case its uncalled for?
i'm just wondering...

i guess i'm gonna get a lot of crap for this entry but honestly i'm not refering to anybody in particular no offence. Its just reflections on my part. period. hey remember free speech? i have the right to post whatever i want too *winkz*

||:PreCiouS:||
2/04/2005 11:48:00 PM
||||

"Just don't confuse luck with brilliance. Don't think because you were born on third base that you hit a triple. Do something with your life that makes a difference for someone besides yourself. Otherwise, you'll never score. You'll just die on third base."

I'm currently reading "The last witness" by Joel Goldman, and somehow this saying struck me. I guess for me it holds some truth.

Sometimes i ask myself if i have the heart to do a particular thing and i always find that i have but getting down to doing it is something else altogether. Is it really?
I suppose its a matter on how much you wanna do it. We'll never know what we're capable of until we try, right?

There's so much i wanna do to make a difference, but is it possible for one voice to actually make a difference? Even if it is only a ripple?

Someday, somehow perhaps i could, but it will take time i suppose...

I may not be able to change the world but as long as i can make a difference in someone's life then why not? its worth it... =) I don't want to leave this world having done nothing, cause then what's the point in living? well that's my view on it anways haha.. feel free to object =)

||:PreCiouS:||
2/04/2005 06:15:00 PM
||||

Thursday, February 03, 2005

professionalism
n : the expertness characteristic of a professional person

This word has been running through my head the whole evening. One thing that struck me is, whether i have it?
Do i have professionalism or do i let my emotions cloud my judgement and actions?

Can professionalism be furthur clarified?

Where do you draw the line on taking taking things personally and being professional?

I donno sometimes i feel like i'm not as neutral as i like to think....
is being honest unprofessional? Is it so wrong showing people your true emotions?

i guess it actually depends on what the actual situation is and stuff but then there is an overlap here somewhere. How do you deal with emotions that other people are not allowed to see?

i suppose things like this cant be learnt in a day.
i believe that i'm still learning but sometimes as i stop and reflect i cant help feeling stupid or guilty for acting the way i had.
At least i do realise this and try to change, but this too take time.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

havent been feeling good this past few days, my sore throat has not gone away and i've been coughing like crazy... hmm i think my infection is back but i'm too stubborn to go to the doctor.
Looking forward to the CNY break, will try to get some rest then.

I think i've been bottling up alot of things and i hate feeling like crying and trying to compose myself so that people wont see. Hiaz and i'm almost failing. Whenever people ask what's wrong i'll just throw any feasible reason that i can think of on the spot, if it is the truth is another story altogether cause the truth is i dont know.
and the thing is i refuse to feel this way. Sometimes i get tired of putting a neutral face everytime i'm in pain and sometimes i tend to feel guilty of making people do things that i feel is taking their time. well that's just me i guess...
and now i'm wondering why in the world am i talking about this, its not like i'm going anywhere with this... bah...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

one thing i dont get is these people who tries to take advantage of my mum.

They know she's a single parent having to take care of six of us and still they do it. I just dont understand people sometimes. We are living on prayers and a minimal sum of money. My mum is working damn hard to support us and what do these people do? Try to trick my mum to give them money or take advantage of her generosity by expecting her to fork out the bill when my mum and them are out or borrowing/asking for an advance and not paying back.

what is freaking wrong with these people? We are scraping through as it is.
Especially this particular friend of my mum, she'll just try about anything to not pay for anything or borrow money, and the thing is she has a husband and a car. What i really cant believe is that she can even get her husband to talk to my mum to borrow money. wtf??
same goes to this particular aunt and uncle on my late father's side.
I'm just so angry at them. I feel like giving a piece of my mind but then i wouldnt want to be disrespectful would i since they are my elder.

well what goes around comes around
so good luck to them
and i dont mean that in a good way
bah

||:PreCiouS:||
2/03/2005 11:30:00 PM
||||

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Its amazing what loud music can do when you're in pain... wheee...

anyways i've finally uploaded some of the pics from project twinkle, more will be uploaded soon tho...

::The whole group::

::Darul Ihsan Kids (current & former hehe...)::

::Darul Ma'wa Kids & GLs::

::eating together::

more pics can be found here

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My bro turned 14 two days ago and see what i got for him for his birthday...

::Freedom Gundam::
nice?
my bro actually sat at the dining table from 2.30pm till 7.30pm working on the model non-stop haha...

glad he liked the gift =D

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

These past three days have been absolutely lovely. Not pressured with things and i've been basically hanging out and watching the guys play soccer.
Should do this more often haha...

Having a feedback meeting for project twinkle tomorrow and some of us are thinking of organising another one due to the response and feedback we've received.
Should be fun! =)

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2/02/2005 10:18:00 PM
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Monday, February 28, 2005

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Thursday, February 24, 2005

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

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Wednesday, February 02, 2005

.The Writer.

.Through Their Eyes.

.Archive.

.ShoutOuts.

.Reading.

.In My iPod.

.contactez-moi.