Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I have a french speaking test tomorrow and i'm pretty sure i'm gonna flunk it. I'm good at listening and understanding but when it comes to speaking and spelling hmmz...
like i said before, if the examiner is gonna ask me something in french i hope to god i dont just stare at him/her and give a blank stare.

or i can just say, "je ne parle pas francais" and end it

or i can just say "je parle francais un peu excusez-moi" and try my bestest to speak broken french haha...

next time remind me that when i wanna learn a language, dont take it as an examinable subject and take it for fun... i somehow only remember sentences that i can use for my own purposes haha..
anyways i'm not that good at memorizing unlike some peeps i know... sigh...

well i'm not gonna give up
gonna stay up late and try at least get the basics right =D

speaking of staying up late, i've been doing just that this past few days even tho sometimes there is no reason for me to.. hmmz... i have no idea why i'm tiring myself out for no reason... tsktsk

i was thinking...
is there two sides to every person?
i know i have
i can be very quiet or i can be very noisy and crappy

but when two different group of people see you in a different way, which one is the real you? or is it both?

i have good friends, actually i have wonderful friends and they sometimes remind me of what kind of person i am, good and bad, but sometimes i cant help but wonder if thats the real me that they see? or is it all overated?

Cause you see my family somehow is not the favourites among all my relatives. Well that's how i perceive it at least and some are justifiable by words i've heard. I dont know why but somehow relatives tend to disassociate from us, especially my late father's side of the family.... so whenever i'm forced to go to a family gathering i'll usually sit in some corner and mind my own business, i dont interact neither have i any intention to cause sometimes speaking with them, i find that they try to belittle me... like i'm this hopeless dreamer who wont get anywhere.... and even when they ask me something, they dont listen, its like they just ask for the sake of asking....

even when one of us is hospitalized they dont even care to visit or ask if we're ok, well except for some on my mum's side... but still...
perhaps they are sick and tired of us being so sick all the time... like we asked for it in the first place. The thing is we dont want pity or anything from them but arent we blood relatives? Its just sad you know to have relatives but who dont give a damn, might not have relatives at all in the first place...

Then there are also a few relatives who try to exercise their power of being a male relative since our father is no longer with us and meddle in our family affairs. Like i should be doing this and not do that etcetc or gives you those "i know you're a bad daughter/person" stare/look/attitude...

so if i'm considered a bad person in the eyes of these relatives of mine, am i really a bad person? cause afterall they've seen me grown up?
so if everything that my friends know me to be and what my relatives think i am... which one is the real me?
cause each contradicts the other....

hmmz....

anyways i need to get back on my studying...

till then
salute =)

||:PreCiouS:||
3/09/2005 10:29:00 PM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.