Sunday, March 13, 2005

I'm trying my best to go to sleep
i gotta wake up early tomorrow to run a family errand
perhaps after that i'll go study somewhere on my own
hmmz...
anyways i just finished watching beauty and the beast
everytime i feel awful i watch a disney video hehz

i'm just wondering is all my reflections on this blog sound like me always complaining about life?
Its just that different people have different views and perception on what they read. Some may totally judge me from what i post and make a decision on what kind of person i am, even before that get to know me personally.
Somehow i used to want to control how people see me as, people's perception on me.... but then i realise how stupid i was. Who am i to control what people think. At this point i suppose i dont care anymore.
Cause hey i know how tough life can be and i will never say life sucks no matter how bad my day has been cause things just happen. Its either i live with it, be pissed at myself for awhile and get on with life, or, dwell on it and make my life more miserable...

Sometimes i wonder why is it so hard to be a friend?
You try and be there for them, let your guard down and be yourself and sometimes they just hurt you, hurt you for just being yourself.... Often enough they are not aware of it, maybe i'm too sensitive? but really time and time again they hurt you regardless of them doing it intentionally or not.

I guess no matter how many friends you have, sometimes there's this feeling of loneliness. Surrounded by people but feeling empty inside... ever felt that way before?
i suppose everyone has...

Have been watching a couple of movies lately, from Hitch to Closer to Howl's Moving Castle...
thus me being broke now hehz =P
Howl's Moving Castle was good, would definitely by the vcd when it comes out. I know there's some who found it a tad bit stupid and all but personally i liked it regardless of other's peeps views on it.

hmm speaking of which, budak pantai is performing this coming friday.. not sure if i'll be going unless someone wants to come along. Or perhaps i'll just go alone and enjoy their music on my own...

Oh and I notice certain things lately, in movies/stories that involves some sort of romance between the male and female lead, its usually the male who is struggling with his inner demons and the female believing in the guy no matter how bad he may be potrayed as.
I like to believe i'm like the female who believes so much in the guy and would stand by him in his weaker moments, but then no matter how much faith i have in that person, the person will never know cause i'll never be close enough for that person to actually know that. To that person i'll just seem like any other person standing in the crowd. That's how noticable i am, i'm not haha...
But then, i'm fighting my own demons as well... but then i reckon somehow i doesnt work the other way round. There's nobody to be there for someone like me.
Somehow these demons that i'm fighting, i can only fight them alone.. has always been and always will be....

I want much more than this provincial life
I want adventure in the great wide somewhere
I want it more than I can tell
And for once it might be grand
To have someone understand
I want so much more than they've got planned

||:PreCiouS:||
3/13/2005 01:14:00 AM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.