Wednesday, May 11, 2005

change
a word so simple and uncomplicated
but an undesirable thing to many

i can pretty much say that i'm open to change
but who am i kidding, i do fear change when it happens
the uncertainty it brings
the fear of the unknown

sure you learn to adapt to it
but then there will always be a certain resistance to it...

not sleeping for the whole night actually makes you think alot doesnt it? well for me at least...

for the past couple of nights i've been lying on my bed/sitting in front of the computer/tv accessing my life. Things i've done, things i want to do, my dreams, my goals, my ambitions, my learning journey... and i realise that sometimes i let my fear control me, holding me back.

You know how friendster allow your friends to give testimonials about you. Somehow it always sounds good never bad? haha well sometimes you gotta be cynical... so whenever i read the way people describe me, like how smart i am, or nice etcetc i sometimes do question whether i'm really that person they are describing or whether its just a farce.

However i've come to realise that i can be that person people describe me to be. Or else they wouldnt have typed all that down and waste their time would they?
I've always make myself feel inadequate, perhaps its something i've brought over thru growing up... and i realise i'm making myself lose out on things. Afterall i'm the person who i want myself to be right?

And i've come to realise that i should accept change and not fear the uncertain, cause only when i'm confident and ready to face anything, only then can i actually achieve whatever i put my heart into.

Afterall i am only turning 21 and there's so many things in life that awaits me, so many things out there to learn from, to experience =)

I know i can't expect everything to happen all at once, especially with me having this new outlook, but however slowly but surely i'm gonna start changing...
the way i look at things, especially the way i do and react to certain things...

okie now that i've gotten this off my chest
i shall go to sleep now
somehow i feel like an owl...
when i go to sleep everyone wakes up sheesh...
i really need my body clock to go back to normal cause its so not going to help once school starts... haiz...

aite then
gd morning everyone
and take care

salute!

||:PreCiouS:||
5/11/2005 06:12:00 AM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.