Monday, June 06, 2005

I know i've said this once before sometime back... that i need to have a new outlook of life... and i think my progress is moving kinda slow. I dont feel like i'm living my life to the fullest, cause i constantly allow myself to be dragged down by fear and going beyond my comfort zone.

Heck i'm turning 21 and i aint getting any younger. Geez i'm talking as if i'm turing 40. But you see the thing is, we arent immortals. We dont get to live forever. You'll never know when you'll breathe your last, you could wake up one day thinking everything is fine and get knocked down by a car that very same day.

You know i get people telling me how they are envious that i could this and that. But truth be told i'm actually more envious of them for being more outspoken then me, more active, more spontaneous etcetc... I suppose whatever spunk i used to have when i was younger, died along with what was left of my childhood 8 years ago...
yesyes in case you're wondering i used to be a loud, outspoken, mischevious kid who gets herself into trouble once in awhile... but it all changed when i had to grow up, leave the family to unload the burden and go thru the endless medical appointments and operations that followed....
oh well things happen for a reason dont they? it made me the person i am today =)

so 8 years on i realise how i've missed out on alot of things. Things that i really wanted to do but did not pursue because of fear. Because i was out of my comfort zone.
But i'm sure hoping this is all gonna change.
Its all up to me now.

And pursuant to this...
i need to stop labeling myself. Well more of not letting myself be confined to the labels given to me by others.
Cause i know i'm better than that. No matter what people say or might think i know i'm much more better than that. I can go beyond these labels. I can do anything if i put my heart, mind and soul into it. Why let these labels stop me from what i can really do?

wow i cant believe i'm typing all this down at 6am in the morning when i could still be sleeping. I have a class in 4 hours!! Oh well whats new. geez i really need to get help with my sleeping patterns. This is definitely not healthy for me and the best thing is the GP i usually go to ignores me when i tell her i have potential insomnia!! So much for consulting a doctor....

Oh yea btw, i think i want to take up playing the piano again. I probably have to get back to basics again. It has been a long while since i last played...
If only i wasnt so rebellious back then... haha nevermind loooonng story =P

||:PreCiouS:||
6/06/2005 05:20:00 AM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.