Thursday, June 02, 2005

second week of the new semester
so far so good
except for the fact that somehow the seniors have been demoted to smaller tables!!
argh i hate our tutorial classrooms! we seem to be getting the classrooms with the flip tables instead of proper tables!!

company law has been a bitch
new lecturer and all, maybe I need some time to get used to...
and you cant believe how slow civil pro tutorials have been...
new tutor there too... well she's a part-time tutor actually.. sigh.. the awkward silences in between tutorials... *shudders*

I've been thinking alot about things lately
been wanting to blog down bout some of it, but everytime i look at the blank post screen my mind goes blank and i get put off.. haha...
well its abt 3+am and i'm awake when i should be sleeping cause i have an 8am class later.. sigh...
Reason i'm awake might be because of the nap i took this afternoon and also probably my toothache is hurting like a bitch. argh!

Anyways....

Been thinking alot about life lately..
well more on what i'm gonna do when i graduate...
I suppose it has come to a point to where my roads are crossed. Back in senior year during my ITE days, i knew what i wanted. To furthur my studies in a polytechic.
Well so here i am in my senior year in a polytechnic doing a Diploma in Law and Management....
so now what?
Somehow when i see the path ahead of me, its somehow forked. To pursue my dreams or go for something more practical?
But then what are my dreams now? Its so blurred now that somehow i forgot. What did i really want to do? Practically made more sense then following my dreams.
I admit that when i first entered law it was never my first choice. I got in because of luck. I swear. But i suppose i learnt to like law and have no regrets in being here... but... yes there is always a but somewhere isnt there? =)
Should i continue law cause its the most practical thing to do? Cause a career in the legal industry aint that bad, considering my responsibilities as the eldest daughter and sister, having to help support the family and all...
But it cant be the be all and end all can it? I do have other options dont i?
But question is will i be happy with what i'll be doing cause ultimately i am the one doing it afterall....

Do you believe in signs?
I'm starting to...
things been happening here and there which i thought maybe its just pure coincidence but today i'm starting to think otherwise...
you see this topic has been playing in my head for quite sometime now. Well today on my way home, somebody left a career magazine on the seat beside mine. Curiosity took over and i began flipping the pages, merely with the intention of browsing through it. And sure enough two articles caught my attention... First being "Help! I didn't like the course i graudated in. What next?" and "My Passion, My Profession"
At first i was going like "hmm perhaps its just coincidence" then a few hours later as i was browsing through the tv channels i just stopped at a random channel, and true enough they were doing a series on jobs, and the job featured was a social worker. In case you dont know how this is relevant, i have been thinking of being a social worker for quite sometime... kinda like giving back to the community...
and to top it off.. this evening i was reminded of how i loved photography.. well i still love it, only that i havent had the time to take photos like i used to...

so which path should i take? If I do get into a university that is... (here's to hoping) what should i pursue? Law? Photography? Something to do with social work?
I suppose for now i'll leave my option open. Cause somehow i never did believe in actual planning. Cause you see all my life, from secondary school up till now, whatever i plan never does go accordingly. But somehow wherever i end up, by luck or whatever it is, i believe it happens for a reason. I never regreted where i've ended up. I believe we can only plan to a certain extent and god decides the best option for us. =)

Oh yea and this came to mind when my sister mentioned about her tutor calling her by our dad's name.
Singapore is a multi racial society right? sure it is.. but why is it that some ignorant people still call the malays by their father's name??? Sure its easier since for everyone else, you can call by their surnames but i feel that it just isnt right. We learn about culture and races in Moral Ed classes back in primary and secondary school, but what i dont understand is why some people are still ignorant. What if you call a person by their father's name and his/her father just happens to have recently passed away? hello sensitivity?
Sure to some its amusing that a person gets called in class or anywhere else by their father's name, but then what's the use of having our own names in the first place?
But i suppose its no use me saying all this out is it? Fact is there's alot of racial discrimintion going around our "multi racial society" but no one dares says anything cause we wouldnt want another racial riot to break out do we?
we just let everything pass...
from the "black and white jokes" to "racial issues"... sure it may be funny to some but heck have some sensitivity please. Some things are just not funny.

Which bring me to...
work.
I'm thinking of resigning.. veryvery soon...
if you've read kay's or mat's blog you know how work is like... added to the fact that i'm starting to really dislike the boss. I dont hate him, i just dislike him. I so love his snide remarks. *rolls eyes* If you have a problem with my height or anything else can you just tell it straight to my face thank you very much.
Yes i know he's just jealous being short and all, but please, i dont need a blast from the past with the crude remarks...
The amount of time i waste walking around the outlet in circles, i think i can run a marathon already. sheesh...

Friends.
I can do a whole entry on this but i wont. Stuff going on which i wish is not happening but it happens. Test of friendship.
I suppose i've come to a point where i dont choose my friends. As long as you accept me for who i am and dont judge me, you're my friend for life.
You know, i think its true what they say that the older you are the wiser you get. I've gone through so much, the ups and downs of friendship that some things just doesnt surprise me anymore, and i've learnt how to deal with some situations. Yes i've cried over friendships, lose people i thought i was close to. But heck i learn, i became stronger.
To be a friend you accept a person the way they are. No questions. Be there for them when they're down, even when in happy moments they forget about you. But heck that's life.
All i can say is that it takes two hands to clap. So whatever happens, no one person is to be blamed. Like relationships, friendship is about give and take. Nothing is ever easy or perfect...

alright i think i've said what need to be said hehe...
well actually i've run out of juice =P
gotta get some rest before class starts, which in like.. 3 hours give or take hehe...
till then...

salute!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/02/2005 03:17:00 AM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.