Sunday, July 31, 2005
I finally got started on cleaning my room
and i realised how small the whole house is...
well i came to that conclusion based on err my lack of space ehehe...
seriously
my room is as big as...
hmmm...
how bout the part of ilaw where the printer is?
yup only that part of ilaw and its bent in an L shape...
if you dont know how ilaw looks like
well... erm... just use your imagination i suppose =P
and that space is shared by me, my 19 and 11 year old sister...
and both my sisters have their own bed, wardrobe , another cupboard for their stuff and etc...
me?
i have a wardrobe which is not even big to begin with, my bed and whatever space left there is under my bed and beside it... bleah...
so most of my stuff can be found under the bed, beside the bed in a big basket, in very big plastic bags beside the bed or in the living room.... geewiz...
i wanna move out!
not that i dont like living at home
its just that...
I HAVE NO SPACE
Even my clean clothes are in baskets beside my bed
bleah
and it doesnt help that the room is messy all the time
even when i just cleaned it, the next day it would be messy again... sigh...
AND i wanna go far far away from this country
away from everything
away from responsiblities
away from this irritating heat
bleah
anyways
was reading today's papers and....
can they please STOP featuring articles on blogging???
as if its some huge phenomenon..
seriously, its getting boring and irritating....
every single 'writer' is trying to understand or explain why people blog
who the hell cares
so what if that person wants to write about their sex lives or what they did today or about their day at the market? Why is there a need to understand?
So what if singaporean bloggers are different from american bloggers?
who frigging cares?
A lot of people have different reasons why they blog, so get over it and please find a new topic to actually report on.
sheesh
Busy week this coming week
MLOCT test tomorrow
i have no idea what to study for it
i'll just wing it i suppose since its an open book test
mostly common sense anyways...
CCN on friday therefore Company Law tutorial pushed to tuesday
to my dismay....
oh well majority wins right? and i'm the minority bleah
Why do i not want it to be on tuesday is because
we start school in the morning
and by the time the actual timetable ends i'll be too saturated and sleepy
and bloody wednesdays are FREE, perfect day to have it
cause half of the class still come down to school anyways on wednesdays...
argh
just get over it azi
this coming thursday is much more worse
ish...
class starts at 8am and there will be a lecture at 6pm.... whheeee... sigh... =P
you know how i said before about wanting to go away?
well have you had one of those days that sometimes you feel like you have too much on your plate that you feel you're gonna topple over, and adding to that, you being in the middle of things that you wish wasnt happening because you dont want to choose between sides? sigh...
If only life can be so simple
like in the movies ya know
but then reel life has a knack of tying things into a neat package
happy endings
things working out in the end no matter how bad they were to begin with...
well reality is much more complicated
and it makes us who we are
here's a theory
sometimes the thing we fear most is the most worthwhile
so sometimes we gotta take that chance or opportunity
no matter how much it scares us...
be it in relationships, work or play
think about it
aite i'm done with my break and gonna go take a shower now
salute!
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you...
||:PreCiouS:||
7/31/2005 09:51:00 PM
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
I think i wouldnt be surprised if 3/4 of the cohort reads my blog
hmm actually not much will surprise me right about now...
Mum's birthday today....
completely slipped my mind till my sis messaged me this afternoon...
geez what kind of daughter am i?????
well we ended up buying a choc cake for her
as we never know what to actually buy for her birthday
by first hand experience, whatever we did get for her never seem to be good enough
so i suppose we are at a point we are at a loss whenever it comes to her birthday...
i expected the worse
maybe she wont like the cake
maybe she'll just turn the other way when we bring out the cake...
well my fear was unfounded
she didnt exactly do whatever worse case scenario i could think of...
she actually kinda smiled and blew out the candles...
so yea....
still sometimes at moments like this i wish our family was much more better off
maybe we could have done something better for her
take her out for dinner or something....
Anyways...
this week has been a very trying week...
i dont know if i should be glad or worried that tomorrow is friday and the weekend is fast approaching
busy busy week ahead
CCN day, Rajah and Tann, Law Investiture, Project Twinkle Fund Raising...
ooh bring it on i say haha...
i hope i dont collapse from worrying/stressing too much =P
oh yea speaking of which
our diploma has been assigned by the school to do a game show for CCN
something like the Singapore Brainiest Kid game show but this is more like TP Brainiest Business Student...
yes our school has this thing about game shows, i have no idea why =P
so anyways Naz and Muntaz is representing our Law diploma
so come down and show your support
it'll be during CCN on the 5th of Aug at 2pm in LT22...
entrance fee is at $2 (this is set by the school btw)
and hey its all for a good cause
all money collected will go to the CCN fund and audience can actually stand to win a prize if they vote for the person who they think will win =)
okie dokie...
decided to take a break from paperwork and participate in some physical acitivities today
and i can honestly say that....
i pretty much SUCK at Tennis haha...
i spent more time picking up the tennis balls then actually hitting it =P
well the other guys pretty much suck too so it was alright considering all of us have no experience whatsoever in playing tennis haha...
Dropped by DramaTec rehearsals after the game,
they were rehearsing for a national day performance.
The skit is actually nice
the 'mother' is really good
very garang haha...
thank god my mother not like that one
then my lil bro will be 'playing catching' with my mum practically everyday =P
oh and this is to MELVYN LEE YI QUN
with reference to your post which is in clear reference towards me
i shall not stoop to your level and call names
but however
your name is more suitable with that ending sentence of yours
hah
smelly melly =P
;)
well aite then.
would love to continue bloggin but i've lost my train of thoughts
And my fave tv show starting soon ehehe=)
till then
salute!
It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again
There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl
you used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed
I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind
I never will forget that look upon
your face
How you turned away and left
without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you....
||:PreCiouS:||
7/28/2005 11:20:00 PM
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
Sometimes i just dont get it
I get people who tell me that they are busy
that they have deadlines etcetc
hmm like i dont?
Arent I in the same bloody course too?
So is my deadlines way way different?
I too have a family
I too have commitments and responsiblities
Hmm does that mean i'm freer?
Then how come i feel like i'm up to my ears with stuff to do and that i'm almost toppling over?
Who now do i find support?
You know how sometimes you stand in a crowd of ppl and at that moment feel so alone?
I did
after so long
just yesterday i did
I just stood in the middle of the crowd
lost
friends at different parts of the crowd
but i felt alone
and my heart felt like it broke...
but what can i do but carry on like nothing happened?
oh well
i should be used to this kind of feeling anyways
since it has happened before...
You know it is so simple to drop everything and run away
not care about responsiblities or commitments
but that is the only thing that seem to keep me sane
believe it or not
but how can i do it alone?
Cause sometimes it feels like it
Cause i see expression in faces
I read feelings that has been expressed
and i know when someone doesnt want to be where they are
only if they just tell me
what am i doing wrong?
am i forcing people to do something they do not want?
then tell me
i'm not psychic
i cant read minds
i rather have someone tell it to my face then hearing it for someone else...
My body and mind is tired
tho i refuse to admit it
if only theres some sort of miracle pill/drink that can give me more energy
haha..
time is running short for alot of things
and i fear that i might not be up to par
not meet the deadlines
not be able to pull off what is expected of me
fear is a very scary thing
but fear is a good motivator
but attempting something with fear is not good
so i think i shall embrace it instead
Elanor Roosevelt once said
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
I gotta start believing in myself
rise up to the challenge =)
****************************************************
I was watching Oprah the other day
the topic that was dicussed was on how young/teenage girls are hurting themselves
how a 17 year old girl calls herself and ugly beast
a 16 year old have slept with 8 guys
another 16 year old who finds comfort in food because it makes her feel whole....
I think there are some people who can relate to them
Me for one
in the show they featured, there was this girl who is very tall for her age,
her shoes are like a size 12 and guys in school keeps calling her ogre and other names....
like her when i was still living in the orphanage, guys too called me names
because of my height, the way i walked, how i looked, how i was different from the other girls...
but unlike her who had tennis as her salvation, i had nothing....
Living in an orphanage you dont have much
which is why i seldom take compliments at face value because i grew up knowing that i was never pretty and that i was strange.
So as it is the programme was an eye opener for me
how some girls do somethings because of the lack of a father figure
which i also realised is why i yearn to be loved
or like eating because it makes one feel whole?
no wonder i keep stuffing myself with comfort food...
at least i dont gain weight doing that
but still i'm making myself unhealthy
heck i feel unhealthy =P
after some self reflection
I guess i learnt something from it...
and so i have a new mantra
"What matters most is how you see yourself..."
So what if people say negative stuff about me
What matters most is how i see myself
Its my life and i'm living it
not any other people
wheeeeeeeeee =P
aite i need to get start on the game show research that i'm suppose to do for ccn
till then
salute! =)
||:PreCiouS:||
7/27/2005 11:03:00 AM
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005
It has been quite awhile since i've been back this early from school
reason is because
i'm SLEEPY
ehehe
so i should be sleeping now shouldnt i since i've managed to drag myself back home... but here i am blogging hehz
what i planned to do once i reached home was upload some documents before sleeping but since i'm online and all might as well update before i lose my mood to actually update at all...
That's the thing with me these past few days. I would want to blog but i'll just stare at the screen. No inspriration at all to start jabbing on the keyboard and update on what ever has been happening =P
The past week has been busybusybusy. Project deadlines, Internship interviews, meetings, plannings etcetc...
The week was so jammed pack it was a wonder that the week went by so darn fast haha...
Thank you to all those who tagged for your well wishes. And thank you for your support.
I have a good feeling about this comm *winkz*
and i would definitely do my best =)
oh and to melly and mx, with regards to your requests, that can only happen in your dreams =P
Ooh and i FINALLY have an SIP placement
after endless worry and conspiracy theories haha..
where am i going for my internship?
I got Drew and Napier!
ehehe...
pay might be minimum but its the experience that i get that counts =)
even my joy of relief is shortlived when i found out that there are still quite a number of people who still hasnt got a placement yet
Last thing i heard was most of the employers didnt know about our placement deadline..
To those who hasnt got a placement, dont give up hope!
pester the employers! err.. no scratch that =P
email them nicely that we have a deadline to follow....
if all else fails approach the lecturers in the SIP committee....
Have faith ppl =)
Loads of people are getting sick around me
i think its the season where people fall sick
i still remembered last year
i had a terrible terrible fever around this time of the year
i do hope everyone gets well soon
and those who arent sick, take your vitamins!!!
i should keep reminding myself too =P
I think i get what the big fuss is about Oprah
its because of the lives she has touched
the topics that has been discussed on her shows...
in many ways it has affected alot of people's lives
no topic is ever too taboo as long as it can help people change for the better
I realise that I actually like watching her shows
A real eye opener to life and reality....
aite i'm getting too sleepy to blog more
till then
salute
||:PreCiouS:||
7/26/2005 03:54:00 PM
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Monday, July 18, 2005
So much for term break
i so need a break right now
my mind is killing me right now
where is that panadol when you need it the most? argh
I just finished with MLOCT 'group' project. Still a lot of other stuff left to do.
I need SLEEP
I need a big pill of painkiller
especially for my brain and my whole body which aches like hell
maybe i shall do it tomorrow
no use torturing myself
I need my two fave person at times like this
ben & jerry
where are you when i need you? =P
bleah
blog later
ciao
||:PreCiouS:||
7/18/2005 01:51:00 AM
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Friday, July 15, 2005
Memories
The love I left behind
I still think about it all the time
Nothing stays the same
Maybe I'm to blame
Oh I, I'd do it all again
Through these eyes
I've seen a thousand lies
And it's taken years to realize
That nothing stays the same
And no one is to blame
But I, I'd do it all again
Does it really matter if you got it right?
Does it really matter who was wrong or right?
All I know, yes I know that I can make it through
What about you?
But ain't no way it's gonna change me
Cause all the fear I've left behind
And only time will tell you what is meant to be
There's a place
I can't let go
Holding all the dreams I used to know
I wish it was the same
I guess no one's to blame
But I, I'd do it all again
Does it really matter if you got it right?
Does it really matter who was wrong or right?
Looking at my life today and I'm alright
Yes I'm okay
Now I see the world in a better way
And I know, yes I know that I can make it through
Memories
The love I left behind
I wish it was the same
I guess no one's to blame
No no nothing stays the same
And everything must change
Oh I, I'd do it all again....
||:PreCiouS:||
7/15/2005 01:06:00 AM
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Thursday, July 14, 2005
i'm sick...
i have a terrible headache that i feel like banging my head against a wall
the pain is soo intense that i feel like vomiting
but i cant seem to fall asleep
sigh....
i need a hug....
||:PreCiouS:||
7/14/2005 01:02:00 AM
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
There goes my plan of setting up a meeting for Project twinkle 2 during this one week break...
everyone is SO BUSY
like i'm not *rolls eyes*
sure. fine.
i might as well go to Sentosa on my own and have my own day of relaxation rather then worry about things people dont care about. Sometimes i wonder why i even give a damn
bleah
Its 3am and i should be asleep
but i'm not
i have a project mtg at 10am
another mtg at 11am
and back to the first mtg right after
and i still have MLOCT report to finish up
and Accounts project to actually start on
and MLOCT project 2 memo and appraisal to actually get done....
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
my life is bloody exciting aint it
yet i can still find time to do other stuff which some ppl just cant seem to get away to do....
hmm best thing about all this is
this is the last time we're gonna have any breaks before our final semester
i wont be surprised if there aint gonna be any before we even graduate
yay!
senior year is so exciting
who cant help but love the pressure
aint singapore's education system lovely
and i have a conspiracy theory
the listed employers that i applied to dont like ITE graduates
maybe thats why i cant even get a single interview
i love my life
||:PreCiouS:||
7/13/2005 03:06:00 AM
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
i am thinking of changing my blog skin
but i have no inspiration whatsoever...
so till that inspiration comes, my blog skin shall remain unchanged =P
Abt two weeks till deadline and i have yet to get an SIP placement much less an interview... Why are they not calling me back??????? Is there something wrong with my cover letters and resumes that makes me sooo unemployable? bleah
maybe i'm just choosy, maybe i should send my application to all the listed employers.. sheesh....
kids nowadays are so damn lucky
I just found out that my primary two brother's computer class teaches him photo journalism!!!
wtf
they have photography classes in primary 2??
why didnt they have it when i was primary 2? argharghargh
anyways i FINALLY got to watch batman begins.
Totally impromptu, was staring at the computer screen wondering what i should do for the day and decided on the spot that i should do something i wanna do for the day whhheee....
planned to go on my own but managed to get my sis to come along with me.
The show was nice. I still like batman compared to all other superheros who actually have superhuman powers =)
managed to take some neoprints with my sis before the show...
since i was in the process of uploading photos... the following is for those bsb fans who have been screaming on my tagboard and also upon the request of dee dee.. i hope you find these photos of kevin much better haha...
Backstreet Boys
Then & Now
How young they looked then....
Boys turned Men
I apologize to those who think its too much eye candy ehehe
anyways i have yet to get their new album Never Gone
kinda low on finances thus my restraint... =)
alritey then, i need to get back to reading the case scenario for my company law grp project...
till then =)
||:PreCiouS:||
7/12/2005 07:28:00 PM
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
I was watching Oprah on cable all day and there was a few epsiodes which showed some lucky people who were getting their wildest dreams come true.
Then i started thinking of mine. What is my wildest dreams?
hmm falling in love maybe? haha right...
well does meeting with the Backstreet Boys count? Cause of all the music acts that have ever came out in the past two decades of my life, they are and always will be my no.1 favourite.
hmm but then thinking pratically, my dream is also to enter a university and not worry about my financial problems.
between the two i think i would wanna meet the BSB. Why? Because its impractical. Because it can never happen, and dreams are suppose to be something you can never get right? haha...
Anyways since i was in the thinking mode, i began thinking of the year ahead... and it started dawning on me that 2005 should be THE year. Where things happen. My 21st Birthday, my final year in poly, maybe perhaps my firsts for alot of things to come... geez took me half the year to finally realize it huh? oh and yes finding a date for prom wouldnt hurt either *smilez*
Speaking of which, my 21st. My friends have been discussing how to celebrate it, cause it is afterall the big 21, i still dont get the key thing tho... freedom, independence blahblahblah...
okok i get it, but it aint a big deal for me cause heck i do have it already, my mum trusts me... so thats perhaps why i dont get the big hoo haas abt the key and anyways i've never really celebrated my birthday, any of em' in fact. No parties, going out to celebrate, etcetc... cause heck spending 7 years of my life in an orphanage make you miss out on alot of things haha....
so i suppose i really dont care what happens on my 21st cause i dont expect anything huge to happen, cause it never does haha... i'll just be glad to even see that day go by, cause hey life is short =)
Oh yes and i have a new medicine to pain. Laughter! It always work. Well that's my discovery this past few months. Whenever i'm down or in pain, whenever laughter feels my day i'll be feeling better, especially when i'm surrounded with my friends. I love my friends *hugs* hehe...
"why waste a lot of valuable time at guessing what someone thought of me, which might probably wrong, when i can use that time to do what i feel is right"
||:PreCiouS:||
7/10/2005 05:31:00 PM
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i should be no stranger to losing a loved one
but even so i'm at a loss at what i should do when a friend lose their loved one....
i only just found out that a friend of mine recently lost her father
like me she didnt get to see him one last time....
i can relate to how she feels
but what bugs me is that i wasnt there for her
i only knew a few weeks after
what kind of friend am i?
to Her: i am sorry for not being there, i am sorry for only finding out only now... just know that i'll be here whenever you need me. I wont be lying if i said i know how you feel... be strong & take care *hugs*
||:PreCiouS:||
7/10/2005 12:13:00 AM
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Saturday, July 09, 2005
I AM BORED
tralalalala...........
Its a Saturday evening and i am at home bored to death. It seems to me that its becoming a permanent routine of mine. Stuck at home on a Saturday having my very own tv marathon... The only good thing coming out of this is that i'm not spending any money. Going out = money spent hmmz.... i need to get a life.... bleah....
Somehow i feel like i should be doing something with my life and not wait for something to happen. Life is short isnt it? Matter of fact i shouldnt be wasting my Saturdays away doing nothing, but here i am sitting on my butt typing out a blog entry because i'm bored. geez...
Frankly speaking i have loads to do. Clean my room, complete my projects which are due when term 2 starts, planning project twinkle, finish the novel i'm suppose to have started reading, edit some photos that i should have done a long time back... and the list goes on....
haiz... i'm just not in the mood to do anything at the moment i suppose....
A recent dream is bothering me lately. I dont even know where to even start discribing the dream. Was it nice? well in a way, but kinda disturbing also. I just dont know what to make out of it. Thats just the thing. Its making my feelings towards some things complicating....
But i suppose i gotta leave it as it is. A dream is just a dream right? Its not suppose to mean anything right? Well i certainly hope so... hmmm....
anyhow....
had a good time yesterday. Went out with candy, tania, alvin, lingna, siok lan, peiming, ju and darren after our final mid sem paper. First time i ever went to a karaoke place haha... nah nothing sleazy if thats what you were thinking. Its this partyworld place in town and it was a unique experience really... it was my first time also hearing alot of mandarin songs being sung in a span of a couple of hrs haha... well had a fair share of english songs too, oh and yes reminicing past backstreet boys hits haha... that was fun =P
Headed off to marina sq for dinner soon after and then the esplanade to chill. Totally had a nice evening, wish we could have spent more time chillin at the esplande tho, didnt quite feel like going home at that particular moment. I suppose its because i havent really gone out for quite some time.
haiz i'm so craving for ben and jerry's choc chip cookie dough at this moment...
alright i shall go and do something useful now haha...
till then ;)
I walk alone these empty streets
There is not a second you're not here with me
The love you gave, the grace you've shown
Will always give me strength and be my cornerstone
Somehow you found a way
To see the best I have in me
As long as time goes on
I swear to you that you will be
Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close
Everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone from me
If there's one thing I believe
I will see you somewhere down the road again...
||:PreCiouS:||
7/09/2005 08:34:00 PM
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
The recent attacks in central London was a big shock, right after London's win on the olympic bid no less. These terrorists seriously have nothing better do, right when the G8 summit is starting in Scotland. To say that these attacks were focused on the big wigs in London aint true cause most of em' are out of the city, the mayor is in Singapore and the prime minister is in London. The attacks were on ordinary innocent people. People of all race and religion, London is afterall a metropolitan city.
what i dont get with these terrorists is, what are they fighting for? What do they get out of killing innocent people? What are they trying to establish? Especially these islamic terrorists who claims to be fighting for islam and believe that when they die they would 'mati syahid' but what bloody bullshit is that?
As a muslim tell me, which part of the holy Quran tells mentions about killing innocent people?
That's the thing, i suppose we will never get it. The senseless acts of terrorism, wars, destruction etc
bleah....
anyways found out my sis that she's facing discrimination at her workplace
for wearing a tudung!
you see where she is working at a certain delifrance outlet, they are planning to change it into a bristro like area and they are not allowing her to work at the outlet because of her tudung. That is a lot of bull. How is her wearing the tudung affecting her work? Somebody please explain that to me. Arent we suppose to be a multi-cultural society? This is pure bullshit.
So my sis went to apply for another job, she did well but now they are also asking her if she is willing to work without her tudung. And this is a youth organisation. WTF?
So wearing a tudung is affecting her in helping youths?????
isnt she a youth too?
bloody hell
i am pissed.
bleah
||:PreCiouS:||
7/07/2005 11:05:00 PM
||||
The recent attacks in central London was a big shock, right after London's win on the olympic bid no less. These terrorists seriously have nothing better do, right when the G8 summit is starting in Scotland. To say that these attacks were focused on the big wigs in London aint true cause most of em' are out of the city, the mayor is in Singapore and the prime minister is in London. The attacks were on ordinary innocent people. People of all race and religion, London is afterall a metropolitan city.
what i dont get with these terrorists is, what are they fighting for? What do they get out of killing innocent people? What are they trying to establish? Especially these islamic terrorists who claims to be fighting for islam and believe that when they die they would 'mati syahid' but what bloody bullshit is that?
As a muslim tell me, which part of the holy Quran tells mentions about killing innocent people?
That's the thing, i suppose we will never get it. The senseless acts of terrorism, wars, destruction etc
bleah....
anyways found out my sis that she's facing discrimination at her workplace
for wearing a tudung!
you see where she is working at a certain delifrance outlet, they are planning to change it into a bristro like area and they are not allowing her to work at the outlet because of her tudung. That is a lot of bull. How is her wearing the tudung affecting her work? Somebody please explain that to me. Arent we suppose to be a multi-cultural society? This is pure bullshit.
So my sis went to apply for another job, she did well but now they are also asking her if she is willing to work without her tudung. And this is a youth organisation. WTF?
So wearing a tudung is affecting her in helping youths?????
isnt she a youth too?
bloody hell
i am pissed.
bleah
||:PreCiouS:||
7/07/2005 11:05:00 PM
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
two papers down one to go and the thing is i haent even started on revising for the next paper... tsktsk
havent been getting a good night's sleep cause my backbone has been bugging me, it feels as if something's stuck in my spine... wait there is something stuck there! haha.. oh in case you're lost, there's some screws and a metal rod in my back from when i had my back OP hehe
oh well i hope it will go away soon, i mean the back ache not the metal rod =P
Spent the whole of today watching the IOC meeting on CNA. Had an inkling that London was gonna win, told my mum exactly that this morning cause between the 5 countries i reckoned London had a good chance and after hearing their final presentation, i found their plan to be solid, they thought about mostly everything, accomodations, transport etc... okay maybe i'm bias i love London hehe and hey my prediction was on the dot! London won the balloting and would be the host city for the 2012 Olympic games! yay! by a margin of 4 votes no less.
oh yea funny thing is this IOC thingy has brought alot of famous ppl and sport personalities to Singapore, the likes of Tony Blair, Hillary Clinton, David Beckham, Lord Sebastian Coe etcetc but here i am sitting at home unfazed by all the celebrities in town. Sure the occasional road blocks and such but its not like i'm gonna get an opportunity to meet them in person, unlike some people who would want to try their luck and get a glimpse of these people.
anyways its Peiming's birthday today
Happy Birthday!!!!
we actually went to Bugis yesterday after our CPA paper, me, nad, candy, tania and alvin, to get him a birthday present but he showed up before we could get it from him and he refused to select from the options we gave him so we ended up at fish and co for dinner.
I remembered that fish and co has a birthday rap thingy if its your birthday and i told candy bout it, she communicated with the staff there and before you know it all eyes in the restaurant were on Peiming. The staff did the birthday rap for all to hear and he received a complimentary ice-cream =)
||:The Birthday Boy:||
The girls later decided to take neoprints since we were in Bugis and all, but the guys being spoilsports didnt want to... camera shy i reckon
so the gals went ahead and ta-da!
haha we had so much fun taking the photos! too bad we could only choose 4 out of the 6...
oh yea found out this evening that AXN is going to run 5 back-to-back episode of LOST this weekend! yay!
okie i know that i'm kinda sensitive to things around me. I sometimes get lost in what i'm feeling and i'm not afraid to share how i feel. I know this part of me makes people think that i'm weak, to show what i really feel, to admit my mistakes and weakness... but i realise that i'm not weak. I embrace what i feel. That is what makes me whole, what makes me human. That is what makes me, me. I agree that there are some things that i need to work on. Be more firm when i'm angry etcetc... heck i'm trying but contarary to what some people might think of me, i'm stronger than you think, if i can get thru some of the things that has happened in my life i can get thru anything.
I won't let people views on me affect what i can do
i am my own person and
i know my own strength and limitations
why let myself be affected by what people think?
Sure its good to get constructive feedback
but negative remarks never does anyone any good =)
well okie then my fave show on hallmark is starting
till then
||:PreCiouS:||
7/06/2005 11:30:00 PM
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Monday, July 04, 2005
I admit i have issues
some that should have been dealt with way long ago
supressed emotions i'm full of it
and i suppose i gotta let it go
stop allowing myself to feel guilty for some things that i shouldnt in the first place
perhaps i should stop blogging altogether?
now that's a thought.
Whenever i put down what i feel
Its no longer only inside of me
sometimes it feels like i'm naked infront of the crowd
cause my words are my diary and people can just use them against me
but in a way it helps me to deal with myself
anyways
I need to find a way to block all the negativity that surrounds me
heck i'm only human
but i shall try to be better
to stop bringing myself down
to stop wallowing in selfpity
i should just let some things go and move on
easier said then done but i shall try nonetheless
to nad and kay
thanks for this evening
and thanks for listening =)
Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
Took this moment to my dreams
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
||:PreCiouS:||
7/04/2005 09:36:00 PM
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Its 1.35am in the morning and i feel like crap
great timing considering i have two papers on tuesday....
I feel like i'm doing everyhing wrong
like everything that could go wrong would
Its like life has stopped meaning somethings
what in the world am i doing with my life right now?
I have no idea what my future plans are cause i have no focus to where i actually want to go
I am overspending what i should not
I get irritated easily
People are pissed off at me
I am tired of being lonely all the time
I am tired of acting happy when i am not
and here i am complaining my life away on a public blog for all to see
and now i'm asking myself who the bloody hell am i?
what kind of person am i?
Cause lately everything around me seem to be surrounded by dissapointments, anger, bitterness and bad luck.
Maybe those people from my past were right
that i'm some sort of a freak alien thingy
i dont matter
i'm better off as the butt of all jokes.............
sometimes i dont even know why even bother...
to even try
to do something
to feel something
to make myself believe that i can do anything when it is not true...
i'm just a big dissapointment
Perhaps thats why i havent found someone who loves me for the way i am
cause there's nothing to love in the first place
Somehow at this moment i miss my dad so much
i dont even know why
I miss the jingle of his keys when he used to come home from work
when i would run to the gate just to greet him home and hug him
Now they are all just memories
like everything else, just memories
i keep losing things that i love
maybe its because i didnt love them enough
i was just not worthy
of the friends i've lost
of the people i've come to care for
i'm just not good enough..
||:PreCiouS:||
7/04/2005 01:35:00 AM
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Sunday, July 03, 2005
i get too caught up in my life that i now feel that i am currently guilty of being a bad person. I let people know how i really feel without any second thoughts to how the people who are concerned will feel. I get too caught up with my life that i leave behind those people i do care about....
I feel so bloody guilty especially with the people around me.
How could i be so selfish? How could i only think for myself? How could i not consider how another person would feel?
Like how i was so angry with Akram when the ball he kicked accidentally knocked into me. I know its not his fault. I was more angry on the way he reacted but i was so caught up with my pain that i failed to see that he just didnt know how to. That's how some guys are....
Or how irritated i was when i couldnt get to watch batman and wasted my time waiting. Tania apologized for that when she didnt have to. I was the one who said it was okay that we didnt watch it that day cause i knew her eyes were hurting her.
Or when i missed voices practice cause i totally forgot about it as i had alot of things on my mind and thus causing mei to be pissed off...
Or reading or hearing from a friend that they felt unwanted, that they are lonely cause they think that nobody cares.
Or when you hear a friend saying that they do not know how to react with certain situations infront of you cause they do not know you that well...
Or when one of your closest friend has a new love of their life and you are the last one to find out...
I so feel like a failure right now...
I have failed my friends...
To all my friends i am so so sorry...
I'll try to be better.
||:PreCiouS:||
7/03/2005 10:51:00 PM
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
Some personality tests are just way freaky... =P
Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
The Real You
Here is the analysis:
- You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
- You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
- You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
- Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
- Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.
What's your personality love style?
Here is the analysis:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.
ho hum.... hmmmmmmm...... =P
||:PreCiouS:||
7/02/2005 07:24:00 PM
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Sometimes I envy those who doesnt have any care in the world
Those who can easily say
"That's not my problem" or "Why should i give a damn"or the most popular one, "my problem isit?"
so what if the world crashing down around them? They couldnt care less could they?
But the thing is i cant be like them cause i care about alot of things too damn much. Some people might say that it is a curse but it makes me who i am. I wanna make a difference, i want to inspire change, i want to make life worth living...
but people may take it the wrong way. Some may even call me stupid for being the way i am... but am i?
I dont think i am. It makes me me. No matter how frustrating or upsetting some things can make me, thats all part and parcels of life.
Realising this i've decided to let some things rest no matter how much its making me feel guilty or irritating me to the core. You cant make people act the way you want them to can you?
oh yea and if i've irritated some people these past few days with my blog entries and for what ever reason it might be i sincerely apologize. I am only but human. =)
okie
well...
i didnt get to watch batman begins yesterday (argharghargh) due to some 'unforseen circumstances' and i have come to a decision. I shall watch it alone during the weekend. I had enough of waiting.
I realise waiting for people sometimes is a waste of time. Some things you just gotta take into your own hands.
=P
okie i've run out of steam
gonna go read my novel now
salute =)
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
||:PreCiouS:||
7/02/2005 02:05:00 AM
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