Monday, July 04, 2005

Its 1.35am in the morning and i feel like crap
great timing considering i have two papers on tuesday....
I feel like i'm doing everyhing wrong
like everything that could go wrong would
Its like life has stopped meaning somethings
what in the world am i doing with my life right now?
I have no idea what my future plans are cause i have no focus to where i actually want to go
I am overspending what i should not
I get irritated easily
People are pissed off at me
I am tired of being lonely all the time
I am tired of acting happy when i am not
and here i am complaining my life away on a public blog for all to see
and now i'm asking myself who the bloody hell am i?
what kind of person am i?
Cause lately everything around me seem to be surrounded by dissapointments, anger, bitterness and bad luck.
Maybe those people from my past were right
that i'm some sort of a freak alien thingy
i dont matter
i'm better off as the butt of all jokes.............
sometimes i dont even know why even bother...
to even try
to do something
to feel something
to make myself believe that i can do anything when it is not true...
i'm just a big dissapointment
Perhaps thats why i havent found someone who loves me for the way i am
cause there's nothing to love in the first place
Somehow at this moment i miss my dad so much
i dont even know why
I miss the jingle of his keys when he used to come home from work
when i would run to the gate just to greet him home and hug him
Now they are all just memories
like everything else, just memories
i keep losing things that i love
maybe its because i didnt love them enough
i was just not worthy
of the friends i've lost
of the people i've come to care for
i'm just not good enough..

||:PreCiouS:||
7/04/2005 01:35:00 AM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.