Monday, August 08, 2005

This space has been due for an update
and believe me i've actually had done up two drafts but decided to not post them up as both are incomplete...
cause you see i kept losing my train of thought halfway thru the posts
so i decided to forget and not post it up at all hehz...

The past week was as i predicted
busybusybusy
today was no exception
and i suppose after a whirlwind of a week i was exhausted
plus the fact that alot of last minute things which came up today
i was kinda floored
it didnt help that the rehersals for the community drumming thingy for national day was irritating the hell out of me
not that i dont like percussion instruments, its just that when you have alot of people beating to different beats at the same time and the bloody instructor making everthing more confusing it does give a person a terrible headache, namely moi.

At the end of the day i had it
I was mentally and physically tired
With everything that has been happening around me i felt like i was drowning
so i walked away
skipped whatever dinner plans that was up for today
and took a walk in the park

Thank you Sinthu for going after me and for the talk we had
love ya gerl *hugs*

we later went to cold storage to get myself a tub of ice-cream
been awhile since my last tub hehz =P

The past week has been an eye opener.
Self discovery in a sense...

I never did realise that i've built walls around me, neither did i realise that i was already hard hearted and its affecting the way i work and worse of all my personal life.
I've always considered myself as soft hearted, i give in to people easily
but after the conversation i had with a certain someone, whatever the person was discribing about myself was true.
I've been dissapointed so many times that i now find it hard to trust
I dont give away my trust easiliy
subconsciously i was unaware
i was unaware how it was affecting my work and my personal life
As a leader, as a team member i was afraid to trust my team unless i've worked with that person before
I was afraid that the trust i give will be broken like the many times it has been before

but i'm learning
sometimes taking a chance aint that bad
cause unless you give somone a chance you'll never know what's gonna happen
they might just surprise you

Personal life wise
i realise i'm only more open with the people i trust
whenever there's a hint of anything more than friendship i turn away cause i'm afraid of getting hurt
but then who am i kidding
even if i do try and protect myself from getting hurt
i still do get hurt one way or the other
so i shall keep an open mind
cause sometimes opening myself to hurt brings out the best memories, tho i shall still keep my eyes open to whatever i'm getting myself into

sometimes how i wish i wasnt this shy serious person that i am
be more open, happy go lucky, hyperactive and cheerful 24/7
but i cant be that person
cause i realise i'm already hard
courtesy of the harsh reality of life
and i'm too hard on myself sometimes
i'm my own worse critic
being serious aint a bad thing
but i need to find a balance before i stress myself out too much....

I need a time out
read a book
watch a movie
whatever
i need a social life
and at this moment i have none
its all workworkwork
worryworryworry
rushing for time
migranes and backaches

i wanna go take a shower now
salute =P

without you i've always been incomplete........

||:PreCiouS:||
8/08/2005 10:43:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.