Saturday, October 15, 2005

hello weekend!

LoLx

i've finally got started on things that i need to get started on
which is good
one step at a time
even though i wish for somethings to move faster then its current speed
but progress is progress
i'm not complaining =)

I'm at peace with myself at the moment
for things i'm deciding to do
let just say i'm growing up
and i'm having a new outlook at things
I know there will be things in life that will irk/frustrate me and sometimes the choices i make will backfire but things happen and i have faith that things will work out and happen on its' own time.

Somehow my heart does not feel as heavy as it has been lately
I realise how self-destructing i've been to myself and perhaps to the people around me.
I know that some of my friends actually noticed this and actually took time to bother and i know i kept silent when they tried to reach me, and i'm sorry.

I didnt respond because i was afraid of making things worse. I was afraid that i would say some stupid thing and drive you away. I needed some time to myself to sort my demons on my own so i could move on from the darkness i was in.

And to my friends who were there i thank you. Mostly for putting up with me and also for your understanding.

Sometimes to get where you want to be, you just gotta get off your butt and do something about it. I know sometimes its kinda scary or sometimes you just dont see the point. There may be dissapointments but sometimes it pays off. But when it doesnt, you learn, you just dont give up cause perhaps there are other avenues that you havent look at and opportunities that have yet to present itself to you.

Well that's what i believe and what i'm going to start to practice. =)

Oh and now i so understand what retail therapy is about LoL

well you see on Tuesday, according to the islamic calander was my father's death anniversary. I didnt want to spend it alone knowing how depressed i will get all things concerning my dad, so I made plans to be with people. But as it turned out it was never meant to be. The first plan got a 'rain check' and the second plan got cancelled at the very last minute. So there I was standing at the City Hall MRT station in the evening after work with no plan and the time to break fast was in a matter of minutes.

Well so i decided to just walk and ended up in Marina Square.
Then i decided since i was already in a shopping mall, why not window shop?
Well instead of window shopping i ended up buying essentials from The Body Shop. It was already past 7 then, and well i didnt feel like eating dinner alone so i continued walking to the next shop with the intention of looking for stuff that i could wear to the office.

And surprisingly it took my mind off what was bothering me. LoL
Tho my knees began to ache and stuff cause i had not eaten the whole day. =P

So yea so now i understand the whole retail therapy thing.
But the other inexpensive way of taking your mind off things is walking. I love to walk. When i'm in the right shoes and weather of course. Well since i cant run, which i would love to do but cant, walking is good enough for me =)

You know how there are some things you want to do but not able to because you dont have the resources?

I love photography.
Every photo tells a story, it captures a moment, a feeling.
One good thing about a digital camera, you dont need to fork out a dime to see the photo you have taken cause all you do is just upload it to your computer.

Sure its simple and enough for some. But i want to actually print my photos. To share it. To hang it up on a wall.
Some might think it is stupid but not to me.

But i dont even know if i'm good enough. If my photos are good enough that people see what i see. I may never know.

That's the thing. I want to pursue it, but I dont have the resource to. I dont think i can afford it. If i do enrol myself in an arts school like LaSalle, i cant afford the school fees. And what if i'm not as good as i think i can be? Wouldnt that be a waste of precious money that my family cant afford?
Not to mention equipments, prints, etc...

sigh...

I'm not sure what i'm going to do just yet
but for now i'll just let this dream stay as that, a dream...
until i can work out a plan or some sort
i wont let it die
if i did i'm only letting part of me die along with it...
which i dont want to

aite i should turn in early
got an errand to run in the morning

salute!

***************************************************

No me abandonas asi
hablando sola de ti
Ven y devuelveme al fin
la sonrisa que se fue
Una vez mas
tocar tu piel
e hondo suspirar
Recuperemos lo que se ha perido

Regresa a mi
Quiereme otra vez
Borra el dolor
que al irte me dio
cuando te separaste de mi
Dime que si
Ya no quiero ilorar
Regresa a mi
No puedo, vida

Extraño el amor que se fe
Extraño la dicha tambien
Quiero que vengas a mi
y me vuelvas a querer
No puedo mas
si tu no estas
Tienes que llegar
Mi vida se apaga

No Me abondonas asi
hablando sola de ti
Devuelveme la pasion de tus brazos

Regresa a mi
Quiereme otra vez
Borra el dolor que al irte me dio
cuando te separaste de mi
Dime que si

||:PreCiouS:||
10/15/2005 11:35:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.