Sunday, December 11, 2005

Dont you just love family dramas?
i think my life thrives in it.
Cause whenever i make an effort to be more involved in any family matters somebody always cries in the end, usually me.

From aunts and uncles who forgets their sister's departed husband's name during prayers for the departed, to not being there when their sister is alone going to and from the hospital when her children is undergoing a major operation, siblings who only come and find their family when they need something, another set of aunts and uncles who loves their brother so much but ignores the existance of his daughters and sons when he passes away cause they are just a painful reminder of his existance...

Dont blame us if we no longer want anything to do with you.
Dont blame us when your affection for us feels fake.
After almost 8 years of being independent and us relying on one another dont expect us to feel something when you now try to be friendly with us.

Dont you just love fake people?

Remind me never to go for any family gatherings
it just makes me sick to the stomach.

Family are suppose to be there for one another rite?
rite...
but not when you're poor and from a single parent family...

I have a friend who is so sure that i'm gonna get attached by the end of the year.
Which is in 20 days
tsktsk
and i'll say it again my friend,
that will never happen.
why? cause as time has proven over and over again
i'm incapable of love
or being loved
too independent for my own good i guess...
even the cold wind now brings comfort to me
yes cold hearted me
i no longer know what it is like to feel a warm hug and draw comfort from it
cause my life has never been filled with warm hugs
only the cold wind and the river and the ocean who has always been there through my pain and sorrows.

anyways there is no one in my life right now who can fill the huge void i have in my heart
and a smile here and a glance there from strangers does not mean anything
its just being polite
you dont scowl at every person you see though sometimes you feel like it
bleah

ok i have to be off now
gotta go to the orphanage for my monthly errands

salute

||:PreCiouS:||
12/11/2005 11:00:00 AM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.