you know how i sometimes usually complain about my height? Dont get me wrong here, standing at 1.75m tall which i know is not THAT tall as compared to 3 of my taller but younger siblings, and not that i dont love being tall, but it sometimes does tend to get frustrating when i bang my head against the public bus ceilings, or you know how sometimes the bus seats are positioned so close together that my leg hurts and after awhile my back hurts as well.. then there is also the problem of finding a guy that is of a comfortable height for me lolx. Somehow a local gal of my height is kinda intimidating hehz
but imagine my surprise when i read about a guy with the exact same problem. Lolx now that is damn amusing. Now wouldnt that guy have it easy as compared to me? good looks. nice height (he's 1.9 btw). popular, cushy job.. tsktsk... i for one aint intimidated by his height cause he is the exact height of my secondary 3 brother. lolx. Yes my bro is that tall. =P anyways me and this person should go out some time but alas he does not know about my existance and i... well only have heard about him lolx
anyways my mum has been acting kind of wierd lately aside from her scary good mood there's this neverending hints of her wanting me to get married. get married to who i wonder she's been talking about wedding songs, matchmaking and you know those classified ads thingy when you are in search of a partner kind of thing? yeah. sheesh.
i think she just cant wait for me to move out of the house or something. hmmz......
well on a more painful note... my back aint getting any better i can sit no longer than 10 mins before it gets unbearable and i would need to lie down. Truth be told i'm currently holding my breath as i type this cause i feel like knives are being pushed through my back and i'm bearing with the pain as long as i can. bleah..
argh how am i suppose to go out of the house tomorrow in this state i am in?!??!?!? bleah if this continues i think i better go to the hospital for an x-ray or something cause walking with my body leaning to one side should already tell me something is definitely wrong somewhere. sigh...
before i start crying out in pain i'll end my entry here salute.
my back is in excruciating pain... again... sigh... i'm trying my best to not touch any of my painkillers unless absolutely necessary my mobility is at its minimum and i cant stand it!!!
i've been springcleaning my room and i'm not even finished due to this problem i have with my back! thanks to me my stuff is all over the living room. At the rate i'm going slowly organising my stuff, i wont be surprised if it'll take days for me to finish everything.. sigh..
the only reason i'm typing this entry out is because i'm tired of lying down on my back and my sitting position well lets just say my body angle aint what it is suppose to be. It hurts but all i can do is bear with the pain.
Because of this i also missed a committee meeting yesterday which was important in my opinion. sigh.. this back problem is starting to be a pain. Seriously, i can't keep going on with my back giving me problems now and then. argh its frustrating and the two major operations i had was suppose to help with my back problem but somehow it seems to be giving me even more problem. I need to address this to the doctor when i see him for my next appointment, which is next month. hmmz....
Its 8.42am in the morning and while most of the island's population are either on a crowded bus/mrt on their way to work, stuck in some morning traffic jam, in school for their first period of the day, still in bed catching on more sleep or simply having some nice hot breakfast.... i on the other hand have yet to get any sleep since yesterday... sigh...
it doesnt help my current situation that i'm hungry, hot and bothered all at the same time AND my mind cant seem to stop churning. If you're going to ask what in god's name can i be thinking so much about. well... to answer that question.. i dont have a clue.
Just when i thought since school is out and everything, i am free to do what i want to now, my sleepless nights are over... No more worrying about deadlines, exams, etc... gawd i am so wrong...
sigh three years of law can do that to a person i'm so used to not getting enough sleep that i'm only harming myself believe me i know remind me never to go into law pratice if i ever do get an opportunity to i dont think my health can take it. lolx maybe i should really move out or find somewhere else to sleep at night cause the funny thing is i can easily fall asleep anywhere else but at home. Maybe its me unconciously making up for the loss time that i've been away from home. lolx.
speaking of which i'm thinking of living abroad well anytime before my time is up in this lifetime that is perhaps in the uk or france or perhaps somewhere exotic and full of history and culture cause i want to learn i want to experience try out new things i want to discover things that i wont be able to do here
and perhaps test out my mum's theory that i can survive wherever i end up
well a cooler weather than Singapore's summer is a bonus as well
maybe i should just marry a foreigner that will save alot of expenses but then where's the challange in that? i want to try these things independently test and push myself
someday... =)
oh yea btw when you go overseas may it be malaysia or the UK for example, whenever you want to purchase something do you tend to convert the item you want to purchase to our local currency and decide if you want to purchase it or not?
for instance when i was in UK last year every item that i would consider buying i would take the price, i.e £20 and i would multiply it by 3 which means the item would be S$60. And i cant help doing that with whatever i want to buy even if it is £1. Same goes if i'm in Malaysia. I would always convert the riggit into singapore dollars and decide if its value for money.
My conclusion is that the currency one is brought up with determines one's concept of value.
Does it apply to you too?
Anyways on a totally different subject, I've been listening to alot of Lifehouse lately and somehow the song 'Trying' stuck with me and i currently have it on loop in my ipod i suppose it applys to some part of my life right now..
Could you let down your hair be transparent for awhile Just a little while to see if you're human after all
Honesty is a hard attribute to find When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out
Well let me be the first to say that I don't have a clue I don't have all the answers ain't gonna' pretend like I do
just trying - to find my way trying - to find my way the best that I know how
Well I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it Maybe I'll master this- art form someday
If I quote all the lines off the top of my head Will you believe that I fully understand all these things I've read
I'm just trying - to find my way trying - to find my way trying - to find my way the best that I know how
Well I- haven't got it all figured out quite yet but even if it takes my whole life to get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end I'll be one step back to you, and
trying - to find my way trying - to find my way Oh I'm trying - to find my way trying - to find my way
independence dont we all want it.... met up with aida, ifah and wan today caught up with what each other is currently doing, had my usual earful of woes and views of relationships and the closing topic of the outing - independence. Independence from parents. To stand on one's own feet and not be a victim of sibling favouritism and family pressures.
At some points in our life, dont we all just feel like moving out of the house, rent an apartment with friends and live together. To be free from nagging parents and how much fun it will be living with close friends...
TV makes it all look easy doesnt it? but in reality, living expenses here aint cheap plus with red tapes galore.... And some of us arent born in luxury with the option to do what we please. unless of course we land ourselves a cushy job that gives us the luxury of a disposable income... of course after taking into account the various bills to pay, putting aside money for siblings still in school, helping out with some family household expenses, some spending money for mum... but then again, all the things i just mentioned are just mere excuses arent they? when there's a will there's a way right?
hmm... i'm starting to warm up to the idea actually finally getting my own room with actual storage space to put in my things instead of boxes at the corner of a room or books lining my bedside.. ouh the thought of having my own space is soo thrilling! no more cramp spaces no more frustration of having to pick up after someone else's mess no more headaches when trying to find a space to store my stuff ouh and i could get myself a bigger sized bed! more stretching space! begone body cramps! lolx
oh but how my mum will freak out if she ever hears me wanting to move out hmm but then wouldnt the family be used to my absence since i've lived away from the family for 7 years? but i bet she's gonna bring up about family responsiblities and how i still have 5 siblings still in school....
ouh plansplansplans has to be made if i really want to do this well actually the thought has crossed my mind for the past.. hmm.. what.. 5 years? lolx but for now i shall enjoy the simple independence i have no curfew my mum's trust her letting me do what i want to do (tho with the constant reminder that god is always watching) for now i'm content altho naggings due to my other siblings sometimes can be an earful and the lack of space i have in the house is somewhat irritating it is still bearable
speaking of which you know how some unattached people/single people like to say that they are independent beings and they do not need anyone by their side? I dont think it is true. I think its an act to show others how strong they are. The fact of the matter is that it sometimes gets lonely. One could be standing facing the most beautiful scenery in the world but then there is no one to share it with... to feel immense joy or extreme sadness with no one to share it with.... even if one has many friends, surrounded by peers, colleagues, etc the feeling is still different... to have a connection with that one person who you can share everything with your dreams, feelings, joys, sorrows with no pretense, no demands, no pressure its funny how the feeling of loneliness is felt much deeper at night when you walk along the streets at night with enough people watching you can actually categorize some 'single' people into categories
i was wondering you know the thing about soul mates, where it is said everyone has their own soul mate out there? I was wondering, if it is true that the ratio of women is greater than man, wouldnt it be a bit hard for women to actually find their soul mate? The question now is, is there really a thing called soul mates? and what exactly is a soul mate? Could it be possible that one's soul mate doesnt necessarily need to be The One? What if one's soul mate is just a person you can basically connect with? have a deeper connection with more then others? more intune to each other's feelings? on the same frequency as each other? the person could just simply be your friend or someone in your family, extended or otherwise couldnt it?
I recently just got back from KL a few hours ago jengjeng didnt know i was gone aye? lolx anyways totally missing a buncha people a whole lot gotta meet up soon bringing photos along for the trip doesnt help much when it comes to missing people =)
recent hoohaas on my blog made me realise the state of my blog compare my previous posts to latest ones how boring and perhaps 'bimbotic' in a way my blog has become bleah the thing is everytime i have something interesting to blog about usually ideas will pop out whenever i'm away from the computer and when i actually do get to a computer and face myself in front of the blank create post screen i feel sooo uninspired and any topic that i really want to talk about i'll think to myself and go.. "hmm maybe i'll blog about it some other time" and proceed to blog about some other mundane things that i bet alot of people dont want to read about lolx.
so why do i blog? i think i've discussed about this before and i shall not go on to re-explaining why i blog but its high time i re-evaluate the reason i blog cause i feel like i'm going nowhere with this space i have on the web its even surprising to me that i do have people actually reading this and even taking the time to tell me that they hate me without knowing who i am in person
i have loads more to blog about and things to update on my recent one week trip but i'll leave that for later.
in reply to my tags..
Denise - hey gerl i just read your email and have thus replied. =)
Soffie - actually i do know how to pitch a tent but why take the fun out of watching the guys do it and boost their so called male ego abit? heehee =)
oh wow my first hate tag after almost close to 3 years of blogging must buy 4D already whahhahahha
seriously mr jtyrone whoever you are what did i ever do to you that even made you comment that i have a 'filthy mouth' oh wow do you even know me? heck do i even know you? lolx seriously if you hate my posts that much i cant believe you actually bothered to tag *rolls eyes*
and no i'm not going to go into the 'this is my blog and i can say whatever i want blahblahblah' lolx free speech right? i respect your words so please respect mine i cant please everyone can i? if you have nothing good to say about anything then dont its much appreciated
hmm i cant believe i'm even bothering to comment on this but i cant help it this it is damn amusing seriously whatever say what ever you want i just wonder what kicks do you ever get tagging angry words on other people's blog
thank you for the tag tho but i seriously think you're just wasting your time =)
that aside...
just got back from ubin tiring but definitely fun we camped at a certain secluded beach off the beaten track it was definitely a nice spot away from civilisation and the nearest washroom... lolx... before it got dark the guys pitched the tent while the girls "observed' the girls prepared food while the guys looked for firewood and mx started the campfire while everyone "observed" but unfortuntately the campfire gave up on us after about half an hour's worth of burning after continous efforts from the guys it was kinda funny seeing how everyone was later famished in the middle of the night and all we had were uncooked raw food, squashed bread and canned tuna.
will upload pics from the trip once i've received em' =)
Patrick Dempsey a.k.a Dr Shepard from Grey's Anatomy ooohhh he is damnbloody HAWT!! *swoonz* i cant help but post this pic of him how can one look so dreamy with no effort at all? *double sigh* too bad he is married and like 18 yrs older than me... time to find a body double lolx
anyways i was in a group convo and one topic that came up was about first dates how everyone remembered theirs and how memorable or unmemorable it was. me? i felt out of place why? cause i've never been on one before man how sad is that lolx
oh well *shrugs* some people just have it easy looks, the whole package me? i have nothing except for emotional excess baggage andd the height that scares guys off andd with the well known first impression of a serious fierce person yayness
wow the week seemed to have flew by and now its the weekend spent yesterday evening in Zouk for Simon Webbe's showcase with Tania i had actually won a pair of tix from MTV kinda like the first time for me to have won anything lolx Simon is a good singer and performer, his LIVE voice has the same CD quality like his recording voice i didnt take much photos though cause i didnt brought my cam so i relied on my trusty V3 tho the quality aint that good
The showcase started off kind of wierd with one guy belly dancing and another doing yoga. Me and Tania just couldnt stop laughing cause we were sitting quite near to the stage LoLx Simon went on next to the delight of some screaming gals infront. He sang a grand total of five songs? i think. lolx still its awesome stuff.
After the showcase met up with candy, naz and marcus at the airport for one of our usual chilling sessions. Iz joined us soon after followed by Bert and MX. We hanged out at Starbucks and accompanied Faizah who was working the graveyard shift. All of us stayed overnight at the airport, discussed the upcoming ubin plans and touched on eye opening and interesting topics.
We started moving off at 6.30am and i happily had to be at NTU by 9am! lolx no worries tho. Got home, ate 'breakfast' while checking the bus directory on how to get to where i was suppose to go, took a shower and went back out. And yes i did reach NTU on time. lolx
yes call me crazy for not sleeping the day before a test but we should live dangerously once in a while. LoLx!
The thing about not sleeping the whole night, you tend to sleep in between your journey from Pt A to Pt B and so on and so forth. It seriously it strains the neck but whattodo right?
well spent the rest of my afternoon today on my own in town caught a movie and went book browsing/shopping at Borders hehe...
the Careerfair at Suntec ends tomorrow.. sigh and i have this feeling i may not be going at all in the end.. unless someone wants to go too and we can go together hehe.. i dont like to be in large exhibitions on my own. =P
sigh i actually have friends who has actually gone for job interviews and for some actually getting the job. Me? I'm still in limbo. Lolx I have yet to figure out what i'm gonna do next cause i wont be able to committ to anything until i have received results of my uni applications.
Even when the time comes for me to actually start finding a job, i want a job that i have fun and love doing and not mind how much effort, committment and time i have to put into it. Cause if you love what you're doing nothing else matters. I know i'll find that job i'm looking for when the time comes but for now i shall not worry too much about it and enjoy the time off i have cause i have the rest of my whole life to worry about it. Lolx
okie doks i have yet to get any proper shut eye since yesterday so i'll be off now salute!
I discovered this video when i was browsing thru the site. I didnt know there was a video clip for this song hehe...
One of my favourite songs of all time from my fave singer Josh Groban Its one of those love songs that you can close your eyes and be swept away by the music. Hope you guys enjoy it!
its 3am and i'm still awake sleep is overratedd lolx i'm just kidding its just that i cant seem to get myself to go to sleep even though i feel soooooooo damn tired but my mind is like a machine that would not stop arghargharghhhhhh
i admit i have sleeping problems told my doc this and she freaking ignored me hmmz.... are sleeping pill available on general pharmacy shelves???? i need SLEEP argh i cant stand my eyebags and the dark rings around my eyes!!! urgh funny how its easy for me to fall asleep when i'm not at home and when i'm in another country
i miss london sigh double sigh
somebody PLEASEEEEEEE take me away to some far away land where all i do is sleep, do some sightseeing, take photographs and enjoy myself and not worry about any other things but the moment.....
i've never been good in the flirting/first impression 'game' and this past week has been a very eye opening experience LoLx
okie let me explain my theory the usual first impression people have of me is that i look damn fierce add that to my height i'm not surprised as to why i've never been approached before well and maybe because i'm not what you call 'drop dead gorgeous' or 'preety looking' i'm just plain lil' ol' me khehhehehe so yea thats one thing...
then comes another thing when i'm actually attracted to a stranger and sure there's that 'acknowledging glance' i have no idea what to call it when both persons notice each others' presence that kind of thing blahblahblah... lolx and usually i'll give a weak smile turn around and walk away or in some cases ignore the person's presence... when clearly i had a chance of maybe flirting a little or give my nice darlie smile... lolxx
yes ladies and gentleman i am stupid/a coward/an idiot
funnily enough i'm not afraid of approaching a stranger on behalf of a friend gee whizz
at this rate i'm going i reckon i'll never get attached or meet new potentials you know sigh some people just have it easy
anywayssssssss
exams are all over which means... schools outt no more lectures/tutorials/projects/etcetcetcccccc sighsigh
having nothing to do is somehow boring and tiring lolx doing nothing drains out energy so i'm gonna make my next few days filled with activities before i sit down and plan what i'm going to do for the rest of my life heeheee =)
i need some excitement in my life right about now maybe some secret love affair some high flying adventure anything!! seriously how desparate can i get? cause i am lolx
I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain.
I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug.
I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness,
I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time.
I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change.
I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.
