Saturday, June 24, 2006

Just when i thought i was going to spend the Saturday off doing nothing, with my nose in a good book and some peace, there had to be noise pollution disrupting my almost perfect day. And now i have a headache. oooh if i could scream and ask those people in that huge white tent below to shut that irritating speaker that is spewing god knows what.

I think what i'm going to do in awhile is to get dressed and get far away from the house for awhile and get some fresh air. I wonder where i should go alone on a nice Saturday evening. Anyhoo i need to drop of some prints of mine at the photo shop for my evaluation tomorrow. What evaluation? I'm not gonna jinx it and tell you. Maybe when its all said and done. I'm just gonna say hopefully three times a charm. ;)

Anyways i so looking forward to the little trip that i'll be taking in August and also continuing my studies overseas. About the latter, i know what i wanna do and where i want to go, its just the obvious money and when factor that worries me.

Adulthood is catching up with me and i keep telling myself if i hold my head up i wont drown. Being legal aint all it is cracked up to be. More responsiblities piling on, more headaches and aint it true that money makes the world go round? And i'm struggling to keep up with surviving with the latter.

I think my life seriously needs to go through a total overhaul. I need some excitement, adventure and spice in my life. I wouldnt hurt if i have someone by my side to share everything with and not hold back because of fear of losing, fear of being hurt.

speaking of which i think its high time i start dating or something. Pull myself out from the rut i'm in and start living a little. So Shan Wee you can definitely do me a favour and find me a date with all that jazz. lolx. For the clueless Shan Wee has this 'do me a favour' section on his radio show where he does a favour for his listeners. duh. lolx

I havent been back to the orphanage for quite some time now, and i miss the kids who are still there. Strangely enough every once in a while i still dream about the place, the people and me still living there.

The last time i was there the kids seemed like they've grown up so fast, those who are no longer there are either getting engaged, married or for some have started their own lil' family. And they are all fairly a measly few years older than me and one is even younger than me! wow. I'm happy for them for making the lives they are making for themselves, building for themselves a home and being with people they love.

But i for one cant seem to imagine myself in their shoes. I dont see myself being settled down. I want to do more things, be financially independent, travel the world, meet people, etcetc.. and maybe afterall that, after i've accomplished what i've set out to do, maybe get myself involved in a whirlwind romance and eventually settle down. But then again i dont see that ever happening cause things like that only happen in story books and i seem to have this idea in my head that i'll end up as a spinster, unloved and dying young due to my failing heart. *shrugs*
no point wallowing in self pity right? lolx
i crack myself up sometimes. And i think way to much. oh well. lolx

and you know what. I just realised after a week, that last weekend was father's day. And somehow i felt bad. I mean i shouldnt even feel bad considering dad is gone and all, still. I still get teary eyed when i watch a show on tv or at the movies when a certain scene shows the strong relationship between a father and his daughter, or even when i'm reading a novel that show's that certain relationship. I know its been what almost 9 years? and i still get that pinch in my heart and teary eyed when i think of him. The what ifs. If i was a dissapointment to him and all this time feeling that i have been. just a dissapointment. What life would be like if he was here today. What life would have been, will be.

and out of this 9 years i've only visited his grave once. Only once. Which is like what 7-8 years ago? if that qualifies me as a bad daughter, then yes that i am.

anyways its now abt 6.30pm, if i ever want to get out of the house better do it soon. They now have some lion dance thingy downstairs. omg. the headache.... psh.
aite might as well go down central singapore to the riverside or something and hopefully they have some live music happening there to de stress me abit. lolx

salute!

||:PreCiouS:||
6/24/2006 06:00:00 PM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.