Sunday, June 04, 2006

Random Reflections

I was sitting at the bus stop in town this afternoon when this thought crept to my mind. My whole life i kept trying to be normal. For every little thing that people found different about me, i was constantly being laughed at. Too thin, too lanky, too tall, I walk different, talk different, act different and things i thought looked good or i thought was perfectly normal was being pointed at as being strange/wierd. Honestly i became a totally different person. I stopped being loud and carefree. I became withdrawn and quiet. Whatever potential i seemed to had died with me when the laughter became unbearable.

As i grew older nothing much really changed cept for my constant observation of my surroundings and thinking how i could blend in instead of people staring at me and looking me up and down which is downright uncomfortable.

Now? Well i've begun to accept that being different aint all that bad. Be more appreciative with what god gave me and learn to cope/live with my flaws. So what if the person next to me is preetier/smarter/more beautiful/talented/luckier in everything as compared to me?
So now and then i might get a teenyweeny jealous but doesnt everybody? lolx. but i've learned to love myself and that is what matters. =)

I dont know why i continue to read romance & romance-thriller/mystery novels when at the end of reading every single novel that i pick up, i'll end up rolling my eyes and tell myself its all pure BS. geez.
That kind of love you read in books are not real. or maybe it is cept that i've never encountered it before *shrugs* but for now i'll label it as pure BS. I'll let you know when i change my mind.
but i still pick up those books to read just for the hell of it. (FYI - i'm not talking abt those paperback novels with those half naked photos of two people on the covers; the kind that daph reads during lectures lolx)
Perhaps there's a side of me that secretly hope that that kind of love does exist in this world and it might someday happen to me. But there is still that sarcastic side of me that knows that it just doesnt exist. Just take a look at the increasing divorce rates. tsk.

Anyways tomorrow will be the start of week two of work. So far week one has been eye opening and my brain is currently saturated with procedures and things that need to be done. But i can say that work so far has been good. My colleagues has somewhat made work tolerable with their constant office gossip even tho the office IS small. tsk when one is away on leave the gossip on the person starts. tsktsk. lolx

My work cubicle is horribly small but i've learnt to tolerate it. It needs a personal touch of me here and there but i guess i'll only start to do that when i feel things are becoming permanent. Tomorrow a new girl is coming in and goodbye to the extra space i've been using.

The past few days have been filet o fish lunches and going home late even tho there is no overtime pay. Filet o fish lunches just becos its the easiest thing i can grab and feel comfortable eating alone at the moment. Going home late, only becos i have no other place to go except to go home at the end of the day. So i usually prolong my hours just to kill time and catch up on work. What's the use in going home early when there's nothing to look forward to when one reaches home except to go to bed?

Graduation on thursday!!!! ouuh i cant wait! booyah!
I cant wait to see all the faces i've missed seeing since school ended. sighsighsigh
I still have not decided what to wear but i am so not wearing court shoes. Why start wearing now when i've never owned one in the first place. rules shmules. If they dont let me get my diploma on that day i can always get it another day. All i'm looking forward to is seeing all the ol faces i havent been seeing, catching up and dinner witht the usual peeps before some of the guys go to tekong the next day.

ouh and before i end off my entry, wishing all the best to the new law inc exco 06/07. Tho i'm not sure what has been goin on but i read that there had been a reshuffle of numbers in the number of people in different years which i think is for the best.
I know you guys will do a splendid job for this academic year seeing that the school calender is now back to normal. Best wishes and dont be a stranger if you need any help aite =)

aite i'm replying to my tags:

sash - love you too gerl! *hugs*

nadz- heyhey! *waves back* long time no hear too! how you've been? i've just started working and so far so good but its so much different to when i was at drew lolx.

K - thanks for the reccomendation babe =)

deedee- ouh somebody starting work tomorrow! heehee of course i'll see you then!

mx - i'm sure mx, i have no doubt you can consume all that under a few minutes lolx

||:PreCiouS:||
6/04/2006 10:43:00 PM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.