Thursday, July 27, 2006

Every night i tell myself
"Azi today you must go to sleep early. Your late nights are not doing you any good."
However everyday i still find myself infront of the computer screen during ungodly hours (i wonder what i do sometimes besides stoning and talking to dee on msn) and i would in the end be dragging myself to the shower and then to bed only when the whole house is starting to awake from slumber.

I know i know this is bad and so not good for one's health cause the body is not getting enough rest, not to mention the panda eyes etcetc blahblahblah. lolx.
I'm trying but i need to have something to do the next day that will actually motivate me to sleep early. Like work for example, or some fun activity with friends you know? lolx

Anyways mum's big 50 this friday, and me and my siblings are clueless. Clueless as to what to buy for her, and clueless on how we are going to celebrate it. Okie the first one is because we have no idea what to buy for her. Mum is a very practical person, she doesnt wear accessories except for the bracelet and ring dad bought for her when they got married and as history has shown, whatever presents we have given her, well i'm not sure bout the others, ok whatever presents i have given her, handmade or something i know she likes, she will just literally chuck it to one side. So you tell me, whatelse can i actually come up with that she won't actually throw back to my face? even if she literally doesnt do that.....

The only bright idea me and my sis came up with is this juicer we saw on tv that we know she will like since she's trying to live healthy and she used to make fresh fruit juices for us when we were younger. However the problem we have right now is money. As usual what else. See none of us siblings are employed full time. I'm working part time and my two other grown up siblings are still in school and their part time job allowances are basically their school allowances as well. So bottomline is, it is out of our budget.

Okie now the second bit about being clueless at how to celebrate her birthday? Well the last time i attempted to celebrate a birthday (which was my 21st btw) she did not even turn up and the movie i treated the whole family to? Well lets just say everyone ended up edgy and quiet. And i wonder why i always end up crying during my birthday...

sigh.. T-minus two days i hope we'll agree on something.

I know I sound like i'm describing mum in a bad light, but she's not in anyway a bad mother. She's the most strongest woman i know, with dad gone and having to raise 6 children on her own. After close to 10 years on her own i know she's tired and she's trying to do her best and every single day i feel guilty for not doing more then i'm currently trying to. And the sad part is i dont have that strong bond i usually see daughters and mothers have with each other. Maybe i blame the fact that i was absent from the family during my whole teenage years or maybe i should blame myself for not trying hard enough. The thing is when you've spent all your teenage years alone, you get used to dealing with your emotions and whatever is happening in your life on your own. Don't get me wrong tho, i love my mum just that i dont tell her that enough and i don't know how to...

Speaking of birthdays... National Day is coming soon, its going to take place for the last time at the National Stadium before the stadium is closed down for renovations. The saddest part about this is... i have never been in the National Stadium before and neither have i ever watched a LIVE run of the NDP in the National Stadium. Oh well i guess there's just some things in life you'll never get to experience... And then every year you keep reading news reports about people selling NDP tickets online and one of the reasons they are selling it? "None of my family members want to go" What about those people who really want to go but the balloting system just seem to pass them all the time?? haiz...
I don't think i'll be missing much anyways. I rather spend time with my friends and watching fireworks from the Bay. Oh yea btw did you know that the previous year's fireworks festival during National Day was my first time seeing fireworks LIVE? lolx.. i know i'm deprived. =P

Oouh ouh and i finally went swimming after months and months of procrastination and subtle hints from the physiotherapist. I gotta admit it was fun since i was with dee and i realise i really need to brush up on my swimming hehe.. so i'm making it a point to go at least once a week! Now i know why my lil bro keeps running off to the public swimming complex whenever he can. lol!

Aite its almost 3.30 a.m and i feel the need to cool off in the showers before i submit to some much needed sleep. Ciao!

||:PreCiouS:||
7/27/2006 02:14:00 AM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.