Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Almost had an episode in the train on my way to work today. I was scheduled for 1st shift today which is at 8.30 a.m. Promptly left the house at 6.30 a.m. only to be left waiting at the bus stop for half an hour before i actually got on the bus to the interchange. Don't you just hate morning peak hours?

Anyways as usual the train was packed and i found myself standing near the door away from the platform. Halfway through the journey i started to feel queasy. My heart was beating too fast, a conversation between two girls who were standing too close to me was starting to sound damn irritating and too loud. I felt like a sardine in a can with no way out and the walls closing down on me. I kept telling myself to suck it up and bear with the pain cause i for one do NOT want to cause a scene and blackout in a packed train. Nor do i ever want to find myself in the back of an ambulance ever again. I kept staring at the view outside to take my mind off things, as soon as the train went into the tunnel after Kallang i started to panic. Lolx. Which was when i decided i needed to sit down. As soon as the train stopped at Lavender, i immediately alighted and went towards the nearest bench(?)

Haiz i do so hate such episodes. I blame it on the lack of breakfast and the non-existant meal i had yesterday. All i had for the whole day was biscuits and milo. hehz

Trying to get my body clock back on track has been a bitch. Tho i try to sleep as early as i can, i still find myself falling asleep only close to 2 a.m. and when i plan to wake up at 5.30 a.m. i end up waking up every hour thinking i'll be late. So much for restfull sleep.

I need to start exercising. Not for the purpose for losing weight (I do not need to lose any more weight than i can actually gain), I simply need to get healthy. The thing is i can't run, as i have no stamina and my heart won't allow it, I can't swim a decent lap also because of that reason (even tho i still do try and do 1/3 of a lap lolx), I don't go the gym as i've never been to one and i think i'll die of embarassment since i have no idea how to use any of their equipments. Well i can brisk walk. Hmm well that's one option, or i can cycle (if only my bro didnt dismantle his bike). So best option now is brisk walking and do what ever swimming i can. Now as soon as i get my body clock fixed to wake up at regular early morning hours, i can get started.

aite, now the answer to Lily's question. What's my next step?
My next step is to apply to LASALLE-SIA College of the Arts to pursure Arts Management. Its something i really want to do. Actually it has been one of the things i wanted to do eversince Secondary school only that the orphanage i used to live in the didnt allow it. So now that i'm free to choose what i want to do, why not pursue something that i thot was once impossible.

Oh and i have a confession, i know some of you know this but for those who don't, after ITE i never did choose law. Law never even came across my mind for a second until it was offered to me when the course i wanted to pursue had no more vacancies as they had reached their quota. I was only offered a place in law the weekend before the semester started! The only reason i agreed to the offer was because if i had actually waited to resume my studies the year after, i would have suffered a year of uncertainty and depression in the orphanage. I simply didnt like the idea of being holed up in the orphanage waiting and waiting even tho i was offered a place in the course i wanted for the next academic year. Was it a stupid decision? Perhaps. But if i didnt join law i'm certain my life would have been empty without all the wonderful individuals i've came to know and love along my journey. I would have been missing out on alot of experience and self discoveries i've had along the way.

Choices in life are ours to make no matter what the circumstances are and i'm a believer that things happen for a reason =)

||:PreCiouS:||
9/19/2006 09:51:00 PM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.