Sunday, October 01, 2006

Blogging has been somewhat a chore lately. Tho at times i've been itching to blog only to find no computer near me... anyways.

I'm suppose to be asleep now seeing that i have work tomorrow morning, well technically later today (since this post will be dated on Sunday). Honestly i was almost falling asleep when my system sudden jerked awake for reasons unknown and i found myself staring at the photo of my late father that i had on my shelf right above my bed.

I started taking out the picture of him from behind the clear container and i continued staring at the photo. Its the black and white passport sized photograph they used to have back then. I couldnt help but notice how young he looked in the photo. He didnt smile but he just looked straight into the camera. I wondered what he was thinking. A young man full of dreams and ambition taken away from his family too soon.

Then it hit me on how i cant seem to remember how his smile looks like. How his laughter sounds like. All the mannerisms you would know of your parent.
oh god i'm losing him. why can't i remember? its only been 9 years now, you dont just forget right? what if i lose everything i can remember about him?
why are tears running down my cheeks as i type this?
shit losing him shouldnt hurt as much now should it? why does it only hurt these recent years? Why can't i seem to find closure? Was it because i didnt get to say goodbye? Was it because i didnt get to see him one last time before he passed away?

it certainly doesnt help when i envy people who have loving parents, who still has their father watching out for them. Just simply having a father figure...

What i can remember about dad?
Dad is the tallest, most hardworking, patient, man i know.
He loved his children and only wanted the best for them. Although me being me, stubborn and strong minded, didnt understood that then. He took us on overseas trip every one/two years. He speaks when it is necessary and only raises his voice when you really did something bad. Everyday when he gets home from work, we will hear the jingle from his keys first and we'll run straight to the front door knowing that its him, to give him a hug and a kiss to welcome him home.

He didnt come from a well to do family but he had goals. He started working for SIA eversince he was 18 untill the day he died. Every opportunity he got to further his education he took it. He had the opportunity to do a part time course in TP and finally got his diploma. He was promoted to his own office, only enjoyed it for a week before he was hospitalised and passed away the week after.

7th ramadhan on the islamic calander marks the day dad passed away, which was yesterday. 9 years... It sounds like a long time but at the same time it doesnt.
Hopefully over time i'll find the closure i need.

-in memory-
love you dad

||:PreCiouS:||
10/01/2006 03:10:00 AM
||||

.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.