Monday, January 22, 2007

Somehow i just felt like blogging tho i'm not sure why since i have no real agenda in mind.
Its about 1.15 a.m. in the morning and it feels like i've so much on my mind.
I feel sick but i cant afford to be sick. I have a lot of things to get done but somehow my strength seems to be failing me. Which i suppose has got something to do with me having a lesser appetite then usual. Every part of my body hurts and particularly the toenail on my right foot is giving me problems eversince the lady in highheels who 'accidentally' without apologizing stepped on my toe. sigh.

I missed aida's birthday celebration at her chalet yesterday cause i just couldnt get myself out of bed. I'm terribly sorry Aida and i'm sorry if i had let you down for not turning up. But i promise we'll meet up soon! *hugs*

There are certain choices in my life that i've taken that i know have been questioned by people around me. I know the advices and opinions that i've received have their own merits, but sometimes i need to make a decision to what i think is best for me and when it comes to pursuing something i know i can succeed in, then why not? So i have taken a leap of faith and in two days i'll be having that interview to determine if i'm at all suitable. Suitable if i'm good enough to be a student in that very discipline that i've chosen to undertake.

Am i nervous? Well who wouldnt be? This will be something that in away i have no real experience in. But with learning comes experience right? But that's the whole purpose in wanting to pursue your studies isnt it? To gain knowledge.
Oh god, even if i'm not showing it, i'm a nervous wreck. What if i screw up the interview. What if i dont get in? What am i going to do then?
I should stay positive right?

I've been thinking alot about my future lately. What it actually holds for me. Will i be a better person than i am today? Will i be contented with everything around me or will i be working myself to the bone trying to stay afloat? Will i be successful? Will i ever get to live my dreams? Will i have my own family and finally settle down? Questions, questions & more questions. Questions that i have no definite answers to and which the same answers to the questions lies in the hands of god and fate.

I suppose the only reason i have so many questions might be because i'm afraid that i may not have enough time. Not enough time to see some of these question get answered. I'm not trying to be a pessimist but sometimes you gotta be realistic. Having what dad had, and him dying young, it makes you wonder if you will have the same fate. When i think of dad, i dont think i'm half as good as the person he was. Ten years after his death, his friends and colleagues still remember him, they still come by the house once in awhile to see how things are doing with us. I've heard stories of how a great guy he was, and i can never really say i knew him that well since i lost him too early in my life.

Now why in the world did i started talking about dad? It just gets me upset. bleah.
Rite i should just steer away from this topic.

Lately i'm always asked this question by people whom i just met, why does a girl like me not have a boyfriend? lolx.
Now how am i suppose to answer that question? Perhaps there's something wrong with me? But perhaps its not my time yet and the right one has not come along yet. With me always being honest with my life, past and thoughts, who wouldnt be scared to be involved with me? What do i have to offer but baggage? Sure i can argue that i have a lot to offer, but there is a certain type of girl that i believe that guys actually look for and i dont fit into any of those moulds. And maybe in someways i have a steel fence that is built around me. But the question does get old, as old as people asking about my height, but what can i do but simply smile and shrug off that question and give some silly excuses?

Tho you gotta admit that there will be times like now for example when loneliness sometimes can get to you. When you just want a hug for that warmth and security you'll feel even tho it might only be for awhile.

Ah well, brand new work day in a few hours and i can forsee the pile of emails waiting to be answered and partner registrations to sort out and approve. I forsee this week to be a very very busy week. 8 days till zero hour, 5 days till most of my colleagues fly off to Hong Kong and leave me here in the office. (It still wierds me out when partners i'm directly liasing with keeps saying "see you soon!" in their emails when i know i wont be able to see them at the event.) Late nights at the office? You can bet on it.
So till my next post, bonne nuit my darlings. God bless.

take me away...

||:PreCiouS:||
1/22/2007 01:14:00 AM
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.The Writer.

I love standing in the rain, letting the feel of raindrops caress feverish skin, letting it wash away my thoughts, worries and pain. I love the feel of sand between my toes, the cool wind whispering in my ear, the soothing sound of the sea, the warmth of a hug. I love anything vintage, historical, mysterious and magical. I like to laugh, I like freedom and happiness, I like the idea of romance, being swept off my feet and happy endings. I currently have no idea where i'm going but i know i'll get where i'm suppose to be in due time. I want things i cant have, I dream of things that can never be but i'm too afraid to leave the things i'm familiar with even when i know i'm adaptable to change. I can be the person you love or hate, like or loath, admire or envy. I am not perfect,
I am just me.