Saturday, March 10, 2007
Hihi!
I know my previous posts has made some people go
"hmmzzzz..."
lolx.
I get it.
i would go "hmmmz..." too
But over the past few days i've been learning more about myself and how i've been living my life. And now that i'm aware, things are definitely gonna change.
Its time to move on and my first step is that i'll be sort of closing this current blog of mine which has served me well for the past 4 plus years. It'll still be here I suppose cause its part of my past, and it will always be there.
However to start afresh and move on, i'll be opening up a new one.
Start things on a fresh clean slate.
Might sound kinda dumb to some of you, but it kinda symbolizes something for me.
So my friends,
should you still be interested to read my thoughts, reflections and what-nots, ask me personally for my new blog address okie. Don't be afraid to ask cause i'm inviting you to ask, unless you are too caught up in your 'image' to actually do something so simple like asking ;)
If you somehow dont know how to get in touch with me, please refer to the side bar on the left, under the heading "contactez-moi".
well okie then.
Thank you for taking your time to read this
and for all the support that some of you have given to me for the past few years
and i hope to hear from you in my new blog
Take care and god bless!
Yours sincerely
Azi
||:PreCiouS:||
3/10/2007 11:02:00 PM
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Sunday, March 04, 2007
Sometimes i can't help but wonder what goes thru this head of mine.
Been reading thru my archives and i'm very amused at posts that i cant even recognize myself.
Things you blog about when you were young. The things one posts out of a whim or anger.
lolx.
I think its time i start not thinking about people who take me for granted and start living and depending on myself. Funny how i almost forgot how it is to depend on no one but yourself. Stop thinking about relationships that 8o% of the time hurts me when i think of them and start relying more on myself. I find myself having the urge to go back to the orphanage. At least when i was there, no matter how life felt sucky in certain moments i had friends. Friends that i now miss.
I made the mistake of putting my heart and soul in every relationship that i'm in only to find myself only needed when someone needs a favour or find themselves with no one else to turn to since i'm only secondary in that person's mind. What more if that person's attached. They only come running to find you when they find themselves single or having trouble with their partner. I need to stop giving excuses for people who disappoint me when i needed them the most. I have given all i can give and i'm not sure if i have anything left.
I should stop putting myself in situations when i will end up hurting myself.
I am my own woman and to hell with people who take me for granted.
Heck even mum is giving me the cold shoulder and not talking to me. Ah well.
I am that bad a person huh.
Judge me all you want for all i care. Heck i dont even care anymore.
I'm considering taking a hiatus from this blog of mine, from my current life, from people who unknowingly but continuously gives me heartache.
If you don't hear from me in the next few days/weeks well.. i know you won't miss me, but heck a person gotta hang to a slim chance that someone actually might remember me. ahaha. rite..
Now if only i could migrate, move out to another country and start life a fresh, with a brand new slate, now wouldnt that be grand.
No more worrying about money, no more crying over missing my dad whenever i watch a touching father/daughter moment on TV or real life, no more feeling stuck in crossroads being unsure of my next step, actually having a clear view of my goals and having some luck that i seem to have lack off towards achieving my dreams.
Ho hum.
Honestly i'm in such a bad shape, in such a messy mess, that i cant help but laugh. Laugh at how fate has dealt its blows on me. Laugh at how pathetic i sound. Laugh and hide how much it all hurts inside. Laugh at how god seems to hate me as much as he does.
I think i'm having an early life crisis.
ok bye folks.
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen
||:PreCiouS:||
3/04/2007 06:36:00 PM
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One thing i hate becoming an adult is when alot of legal stuff comes to play. Take the personal income tax thingy for example. Somehow my mum stupidly trusted some makcik with her particulars in order for that idiot makcik to setup some stupid company which has now gone out of business. Since mum is registered as one of the 'business owner', IRAS has been sending her letters to submit income tax statement. Funny thing is my mum is unemployed and has no income coming in except for the freelance stuff she does. So now since IRAS is asking to do this thing online she expects me to help her, considering i was a law student and all. The thing is.. I have no friggin idea how to do it and it now being past midnight i dont understand where some of the entries comes from and neither does she. Then when i told her i'm not really clear what is suppose to be done she gives me this dissapointed look with this dissapointed tone in her voice as if i didn't want to help her.... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
why does she love to make me feel guilty and make me feel ten times more like the worse daughter of the millennium????
Its not that i dont want to help her, its just that i've never done it before and if i screw it up and IRAS comes knocking on the door and come looking for her for nothing than how??? Just because i used to be a law student does not mean i know every single aspect of it.... yet...
bleah.
so how was your weekend folks?
spent mine in solitary confinement of sorts in my so called bedroom bored out of my mind, i realise that whenever i'm free everyone else seems to be busy doing something else and i'm left with my boring lonesome self trying to find something to do to kill time, (i.e - watch back-to-back episodes of Heroes, Ugly Betty, Supernatural Season 2 & Veronica Mars Season3...)
Or maybe its all a conspiracy and everyone is trying to avoid me like the plague. hmm...
Fall Out Boy's concert was today, which i missed, considering i had no one to go with..
daym i'm restless... I need to do something interesting, get out of the house and do something fun or whatever, i've been stuck at home for the past few days considering that i've been on MC the past 2 days.
I need to come up with a list of interesting things to do alone when everyone is busy and you have no one but yourself. Hmm yup i think i shall do just that. Afterall who else can you depend on but yourself.
One thing i hate about taking the public bus sometimes is when you are expecting a peaceful journey and some mats & minahs gets onboard and start blasting their mat music at the back of the bus. Its even more irritating when this trend is spreading to the minah tudungs as well!!! argh!! and they play malay 'jiwang' songs to boot! The horror! *dies*
on a totally random note, i'm itching to bake something on this new oven mum just bought...
Hmm maybe i'll bake some muffins... all i need now is to actually go buy the ingredients.. =P
||:PreCiouS:||
3/04/2007 12:40:00 AM
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