Sunday, March 04, 2007
Sometimes i can't help but wonder what goes thru this head of mine.
Been reading thru my archives and i'm very amused at posts that i cant even recognize myself.
Things you blog about when you were young. The things one posts out of a whim or anger.
lolx.
I think its time i start not thinking about people who take me for granted and start living and depending on myself. Funny how i almost forgot how it is to depend on no one but yourself. Stop thinking about relationships that 8o% of the time hurts me when i think of them and start relying more on myself. I find myself having the urge to go back to the orphanage. At least when i was there, no matter how life felt sucky in certain moments i had friends. Friends that i now miss.
I made the mistake of putting my heart and soul in every relationship that i'm in only to find myself only needed when someone needs a favour or find themselves with no one else to turn to since i'm only secondary in that person's mind. What more if that person's attached. They only come running to find you when they find themselves single or having trouble with their partner. I need to stop giving excuses for people who disappoint me when i needed them the most. I have given all i can give and i'm not sure if i have anything left.
I should stop putting myself in situations when i will end up hurting myself.
I am my own woman and to hell with people who take me for granted.
Heck even mum is giving me the cold shoulder and not talking to me. Ah well.
I am that bad a person huh.
Judge me all you want for all i care. Heck i dont even care anymore.
I'm considering taking a hiatus from this blog of mine, from my current life, from people who unknowingly but continuously gives me heartache.
If you don't hear from me in the next few days/weeks well.. i know you won't miss me, but heck a person gotta hang to a slim chance that someone actually might remember me. ahaha. rite..
Now if only i could migrate, move out to another country and start life a fresh, with a brand new slate, now wouldnt that be grand.
No more worrying about money, no more crying over missing my dad whenever i watch a touching father/daughter moment on TV or real life, no more feeling stuck in crossroads being unsure of my next step, actually having a clear view of my goals and having some luck that i seem to have lack off towards achieving my dreams.
Ho hum.
Honestly i'm in such a bad shape, in such a messy mess, that i cant help but laugh. Laugh at how fate has dealt its blows on me. Laugh at how pathetic i sound. Laugh and hide how much it all hurts inside. Laugh at how god seems to hate me as much as he does.
I think i'm having an early life crisis.
ok bye folks.
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen
||:PreCiouS:||
3/04/2007 06:36:00 PM
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